(#84 cuz remember how whenever he did commercials over the years he ALWAYS wore his #84 Steelers jersey otherwise you'd have no idea who he is? Yeap, he and his marketing team have made DAMN SURE you know who good ol #OchoCuatro is, nah'mean? #whitepplshouldNEVERsaynahmean, nah'mean?)

Ahem. Anyways, not only did our man (, myth, legend) manage to get the fuck out of Pittsburgh ASAP, not only did he manage to get 30mil guaranteed in case he got stuck with the raiders, and not only did he manage to recoup 9/30mil guaranteed while going to the best damn team.in the league, but he's also found time to both literally and figuratively keep his hoes in check by proving his elusiveness from coverage by managing to bust a nut on ol girl's back just to show her what time it was! #AbsolutLegend

I don't know about you, but there's so many times when ol girl's just lounging around the crib being generally stupid and useless (cuz.you're not Fucking her atm) and she looks.so dumb and helpless you think "man I bet you I could pump a load on this bitch's back and she wouldn't even notice!" But none of us has the balls to actually be the absolute madman who actually does it...but that's why he's AB/#84 and we're not! AND the dude has enough money to actually be brought up on civil charges for the legendary nutjob but our man is so damn he literally laughs in a bitch's face when she gets salty about it en route to her payday.

And now if he gets in trouble with the NFL for this he's gonna be paid to NOT play for the patriots, likely keeping him that much fresher for december/january/feburary, aka the inevitable super bowl run that he has a huge part in, thus ensuring he's gonna have his choice of M/ANY $$$DESTINATIONS$$$ next year! How brilliant is that? Dude ain't just recouped 9-15/30mil at his preferred destination, but he might not even have to play for the first ~3-6mil worth of that contract.

to use the parlance of the early 10s, our boy AB/84 is



and come next off-season when he's getting another 30-45mil guaranteed with his.first choice team, yeah, we're all gonna look back at this time and laugh realizing that AB/#84 and his marketing team went from.being a.guy who.had to wear his jersey in every endorsement so you knew who he was to being a household name str8 $$$PAID$$$ like our boy $$$MONEY$$$ Mayweather because he was willing to brandish the dark side of the force tto.up his power level.over 9000 and essentially use the patriots to ultimately get $$$PAID$$$ just like the patriots have traditionally used players over the years to get their 6 championships + football-90s-braves thing going full throttle.

AND HE EVEN.GOT TO BUST A NUT IN A DUMB HOE'S BACK AND GET TEXTS OF HIM STR8UP LAFFIN @ DAT DUMB CHICKENHEAD SUBMITTED AS "EVIDENCE" OF HIS UBER-MASCULINITY (that is so toxic it's literally penicillin to traditional toxicity)

That, my friends, is #ThePatriotWay: ab/use whoever you gotta ab/use to get what you want (championships and/or $$$PAID$$$) at any and all costs and come.out the other side being unilaterally respected for being one of the greatest players to ever play the game.

and call it a hunch next time you see an antonio Brown endorsement he won't be wearing #84 cuz you know who he is! #AnyPublicityIsGoodPublicity

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He's the Comeback Kid

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One of my great friends, Georgie, passed away a couple of weeks ago at 91 years old. HE was from Pittsburgh and a huge Steeler fan. He hated this asshole and I'll go along with his assessment of the guy.

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An Ode to the Texas man who shot an Antifa terrorist:

Oh, he might have went on livin'
But he made one fatal slip
When he tried to match the Ranger
With the big iron on his hip

How did he feel about Eddie Money?

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Sex isn't dirty, sex isn't a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

-Hank Kingsley