this is one of my 8 year old nephews jokes.

Why does Cinderella not play Basketball???



































She is afraid of balls

_________________
When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

So your 8 year old nephew is Bernstein's cousin the Doctor?

That's a hell of a joke Chas. I think the board can begin healing now.

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

another one

What do you call a cow having seizures?















































Beef Jerky

_________________
When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

_________________
Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

what do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef Strokenoff

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Didn't The Unknown Comic get in trouble for telling that one on The Gong Show?

_________________
Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

I heard they moved the Jerry Sandusky statue to the library ... they figured it would encourage more people that see him to stay quiet.

_________________
Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

This will be a happy-go-lucky thread until someone steps over the line with a joke. Don't be that guy, chas.

_________________

The problem with breaking-up with a Japanese girl is you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

_________________
Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

Like any good comic, Chas knows his job is to find where that line is drawn and then cross it deliberately.

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

Too soon.

_________________
Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

what do you call a cow with no leggs??

Ground beef

_________________
When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken

_________________
Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

Give me the talk,have you seen what Don Tiny been posting?

_________________
When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

_________________
Same sex, different habits - who gives a fucking shit
This won't make the species unfurl

You guys hear about the guy in Wisconsin who died while drinking milk?


The cow fell on him.

How can you tell the bride at a Packers wedding??


New overalls

_________________
When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

_________________
Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

I bought a package of batteries but they weren't included

_________________
When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

BEARS!!!!

Point taken, but Don would have been 2nd on the list.

_________________

I'm a lovable scamp.

_________________
Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

U.S. Marine bumper stickers

U.S. Marines -- Travel Agents To Allah"

"The Marine Corps -- When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight"

"Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It"


"Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything.*

_________________
When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

Military Rules By Service

Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet ­ even your friends…
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.


Navy SEAL's Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.


US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.


US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.


US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.


US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines

_________________
When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

Well this thread is ruined now. It had a good run.

Ill jump back to kids stuff

How Can you tell the groom at a Packers Wedding?













New Rodgers Shirt

_________________
When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

Why do Flies have wings???

























To beat Sox fans to the garbage cans

_________________
When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

_________________
Elections have consequences.