Bros! This was fucking epic as shit. So my bro Brendan's lil bro Carson aka Carbomb is gettin' married. Little fucker is growin' up fast. We all told him he's a fucking idiot for gettin' married but this chick IS smokin' hot. According to him she gives great blow-jays and is all about takin it up the acorn. So he's pretty young, like 22 or somethin', and he plans this bachelor party up in Madison because he got a job up there.

Carbomb's all, "Bros, we gotta hit up KK". Now we're all like what the fuck is that shit...but we get in there and who's there? Kane motherfuckin' Stylie brah! He's all lit up and shit too, talkin' shit to all kinds of peoples. And so I'm all, "BRO!" Wish I had my Kaner jersey on while I was up there but like who the fuck is gonna think that this is gonna happen?

So we buy him a shot and we all do Carbombs in honor of lil bro bro. Kaner though...this motherfucker REPRESENTS! I popped my two collars and was all, "Here we go!" and we're shotgunnin' B-Li's like crazy. And Brendan had the line of the night when he shoved a Smirnoff in Kaner's face and goes, "ICE YOU BRO!" hahaahahaha motherfucker!!! Kaner just shoves it back in Brendan's face. Brendan is all sad about it but we told him to back off because this is a Stanley Cup winner you're fuckin' with here.

Kaner keeps drinkin' and he's totally blasted bro. He starts goin' up to chicks and just makin' out with them, and then spitting on the ones he thought were total weaksauce. This one fat bitch tried to grab him and he goes, "Get me a harpoon!" hahahah! He starts stumblin' around and we go out for a smoke...and bro I never smoke and of course, all Carbomb's got is Marlboro Menthol 100's.

These motherfuckers make my head feel like a helium balloon. So now we're all wasted, and Kaner puts a napkin on as a cape and starts putting his arm in front of him with a beer in it going "Duh-duh-duh I'm Superman!" and shit. It was totes hilar.

So we leave the bar and we follow his staggerin' ass to some frat party and we're all...AMAZEBALLS BROS! So much ass it wasn't even funny. And Kaner's all up in these chicks' faces tellin' em "No!" "Nope!" "Yup!" and then makin' out with any chick he thought was hot. He probably tagged like three or four chicks that night I think...

I don't know cause the cops came around us and we were all, "Hey we're at a bachelor party," and they let us go. But we passed out in the backyard. Fuckin' Carbomb fell asleep right next to a trash can. People were throwin' used condoms on his chest and shit. We woke up and got out of there, and went back to KK.

Who's there?

Fuckin' Kaner!!! We did a shot together again, and man my fuckin' head was hurtin like hell for days. But it was worth it.

We go back to the frat house, and this time there's even more ass. So we go into some room and there's some dude doin' a kegstand while this one chick is bein banged by 2 other guys. We were all like, "Holy fuckin' shit!" And suddenly we see that one of the dudes is Kaner! He's all "I'm gonna fuckin blow loads blow loads!" And I'm all, "It's DROPPIN' loads bro!" and everyone starts laughin'. So we get a few drunk chicks with us and we're all fuckin' goin' at it...pretty sure some peoples were recordin' that shit. So THE STYLIE may be famous or some shit on spankwire some day. I'll have to check it out.

Kaner passed out before he let the juice loose though haahaha. Carbomb had two chicks all over him. I don't know what the fuck happened later that night because I passed out too but not after gettin' a pretty sweet jay from some random bitch who was like a fat Katy Perry.

Kaner!!!!! We need to hook up with that lil bro again. He knows how to party, brah.

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Dude, you are my bro.

Why didn't Deadspin print this one?

Thought Wayne had read 50 Shades and decide to throw a passion party or pure romance party. One of my friends did.

Ya know it's not like these chicks got paid $1000s for these videos.

NSFW http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=384842852 (Like thats going to stop some of you)

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

Wonder if Joe Francis is still in jail.

He never really served any jail time. Tons of time time served, he spent a few days here and there for the tax evasion and "prostitution".

I assume he didnt spend time in maximum security.

I would do 6 months in one of those minimum security places if I could walk out with $100Mil.

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

Nobody knows what the hell this means...

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@audioidkid

It's some sort of Oprah thing.

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I'd be a little disappointed if wives and gfs here were not reading this and not suprised at all if some of you guys were. They are 3 terribly written books with weak characters. It's been called mommy porn. It's tamer than I thought but there is still something fun about reading about sex everynight before bed. One of my friends is having a theme party. The book is also being banned by libraries. Somebody here has to know about these books. They are being passed around more than the stanley cup in the married 30-40 something range.

Mmmmm Hmmmm.



Nope never heard of it. You really are some sort of freak, aren't you?

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Sounds like the next HBO series to me.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

Awwwp! Spanky knows. And probably has a red room of pain because of it.

Movie rights have been bought. I don't know how they will do it or when it will be, but there is going to be a GNO in your futures.

my sister started reading it a week ago or so and told me about it like a month ago. and she also described it as "mommie porn".

Insert Coins

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-"God is great. Beer is good. And People are crazy!"

girl i know told me about some ebook making the mommy porn rounds. some guy controlling and being master to a young girl and mommys love it. 50 ways something?

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Elections have consequences.