So, I was at my local warehouse club and I'm putting my box of stuff in the back seat when a little old lady asks me for help. For some reason, I had to take her cart over a grassy parking divider. It wasn't too hard. I'm pretty manly so it only took me a little bit of time to do so. I assumed she was just old and senile and it explained her strange behavior.

Anyways, after I do that she thanks me and then says "Are you Catholic?". I pause to think about whether I am or not, and I say "yes" and this lady has a bunch of flyers that she pulls out of her purse and hands one to me. It's a bunch of bible verses and then she goes on to tell me this story about how she gave this to someone she knew who was an only child and then after he read it all of a sudden his mother was pregnant again 11 years after he was born. Holy unplanned pregnancy! She then told me I should be giving this to all of my friends and to tell them that it's so we can all be together in Heaven. So, CSFMB, as I consider most of you to be my friends, let me know if you want me to recruit you to Team Jesus or drive your cart over grass or both.

No idea what would have happened if I had said I wasn't Catholic, but I'm pretty sure I would have gotten an earful about going to hell and how all my Catholic friends are going to be living it up while I break rocks for the devil's rock breaking industry.

It's nice to be wanted. Your move Muslims and Jews.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

You wish

I need to see the flyers from the Muslims before I commit.

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

Things you only ever hear lesbians say, for 100$.

I would have held out a hand for a tip.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Nice!

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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. - Bill Hicks

Let's do it for Johnny!