Whoa, bros! Holy shit, this was the fuckin' best old people pah-tay I think I've ever attended. Let me take you through it, bra.

Step 1: Have it at a place that's totally biaches totes fuckin' partyin' owning. Like Pazzo's on 311 Wacker. They turned off the fountain so my Pop could talk.

Step 2: Hire hot chicks. I swear, Amanda Birch was there. I can't really tell because I was so fucked up all the time but I think I recognized her. But let the Stylie give you the top 5 hottiest bitchnatches: Natalie Kirchwah, Brynda Limes, Myranda Simon, Mason McIntosh, and the fucking hottest chick on the planet, Vicki Thomas. Holy shit, I'd love to motorboat those Trip D's.

Step 3: Shots, motherfuckers. We had pretty good food but I can't remember any of it thanks to a ton of Yaebees and Car Bombs. I think the last song I remember hearing was that fucking "Clarity" song which is hilar because I had no idea what the fuck was going on at all...although I remember hearing "Thrift Shop" at some point. I thinK I twerked with Lauri Ames in Accounting...she's got a kid and is divorced but sometimes that's the best piece of ass out there.

Step 4: Blow Jays. So we went to the bars, but we had a hotel at the Hilton downtown...so Samantha Chapman was there, and I didn't think much of it at the time. She has some nice breasticles but she's got a broke face, bra. Til you have about 5 broskies, then she's fuckin' Cleopatra for realsies. And she sucks like a vacuum cleaner that hasn't been used in like 5 years, bro.

Step 5: No OJ the next morning. Nope, no hangover bro. Just fuck that chick again and kick her the fuck. OUT! I remember one time in college I was fuckin' this chick Crystal Baines for a few weeks and she had acne and shit but the nicest pillows this side of Lord & Taylor. I cannot get over how good motorboating this slut was...but Jesus Christ she was clingy, bra. So finally I just said "Crystal who?" one time through text and she was all sad for a day but then never heard from her again.

My moms was all like, "Wayne, talk to that nice girl Darlene from customer service." I'm all, what? No? She's like 30 million years old, wears glasses, and prolly has a dried up snatch. Fuck that shit.

But the rest of the party was sweet, especially when they played that fucked up Lorde song. Hilar. christmas music sucks but it was only during like the time I was sober.

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Dude, you are my bro.

Nice that you were able to start working on this well before halftime today.

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brah not bra styles

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.