The man responsible for operating the Olympic Rings during last night’s Winter Olympic Opening Ceremonies in Russia was found dead today.
According to local reports the body of T. Borris Avdeyev was found his hotel room early this morning with multiple stab wounds along with adult rubber novelty toys (dildos) found stuffed into his orifices.
Avdeyev was a technical specialist responsible for the Olympic Ring spectacle, which embarrassingly malfunctioned last night. Five animatronic snowflakes were supposed to transform into Olympic Rings. The first four functioned properly but the fifth snowflake failed to change shape.
Although his body was badly mangled and the wounds were consistent with a struggle, so far officials say they don't suspect foul play.
“Sure there were stab wounds and bruises all over the body,” admits the lead investigator on the case, “But who knows what caused them. Maybe he tripped and fell on a set of knives. Right now we’re ruling this an accidental death.
“It’s terrible when accidents like this happen. But then again, maybe Mr. Avdeyev should have thought twice before he screwed up the Olympics. Accidents tend to happen to people who betray Russia.”


“Putin loves Russia to death,” said Alexander Zhukov, the Russian Olympic Committee President. “He also loves accountability.”

If that's from the dailycurrant thing going around, it's satire.

Yes, yes it's satire but it's hilarious satire.

It's hilarious because it could very well be true.

It's hilarious because it could very well be true.

No, he wont kill who is ever responsible until after the games end.