i fell asleep and missed a tuesday night draft, so i ended up being the guy with RG3/al-morris as my QB/RB1, so when you combine the part where you're going to rely on a guy who can just as easily drop 23/+ pts as he can drop 9-12 that's a bonafide problem right there. Alfred Morris does handle his business but he's had two games this season where he had 100+ yds and got touchdown vultured for 3TD, once by roy helu and once by their fucking fullback and that's when you start realizing that despite being 5-3 with 3 straight wins by scores of like 77-76 or 83-69 that it's likely not going to be your year.
i got philip rivers early to replace flacco and supplant RG3, but he tended to only cover RG3's wk4 bye his ~2 other uses with something like 15 points, not the solid 20 that i wanted. my pre-draft-rankings ensured that i got dez bryant, vincent jackson, and marques colston, and you can make arguments for all three of them being their respective degrees of underwhelming, so i was able to eventually able to dump rivers and vjax for romo and antonio brown. naturally i benched 27pts worth of RG3 to go with my new toy romo, who proceeded to get 9pts before jumping on a bye week with my record leveled at 5-5.
and don't get me wrong, it wasn't a completely shit team. at RB2 i had gotten 2 weeks of 17/16 from jacquizz, i sat on andre brown all year and started getting 10+/week from him at the end here but that wasn't enough to outdo the cavalcade of errors i made week in and week out, including swapping RG3 antonio brown and andre ellington for aj green and julius thomas. on the surface it seemed brilliant, cuz with dez/witten on a bye i'd be getting AJ green adn julius to replace them and then team up with them for the last 3 weeks of the season. i had nabbed mccown for the week 11 QB figuring he could manage 15-25 and that'd allow my team to go out and have a solid 100+ week and a win, then next week all bets were off once i could get romo/dez/aj-green morris/a-brown witten/j-thomas out there for the rest of the season... all i had to do was take care of a must-win week 11.
roughly 5mins b4 the 12pm kickoff of week 11 i bought into the hype for chicago's #STORMOFTHECENTURY and freaked out cuz it was a must win game. i figured the bears and ravens were going to be playing in a storm of biblical proportions, or at least be out there in bad weather, so i went and pulled mccown (13pts) in favor of case keenum (benched at halftime, 10pts) cut baltimore K justin tucker (9pts) in favor of rotoworld-described-"hot leg" nick folk (2pts) and then i had the cincy defense in there with the bears DEF benched and done for the year after cincy's bye the next week. having pulled mccown and lost some investment in what i figured would be a fun bears game for the ages, i decided to roll with the defense cuz i figured they'd do pretty good. and they did.... they got 14pts, while cincinnati of course got 27pts. meanwhile AJ green had joe haden who held him to 1 7yd catch for a whopping 0.70 points. welcome to the team, dude! antonio brown got 26pts that week, and naturally RG3 had another 20+ pts game on the bench of his new team. the devils you know, eh?
all in all, i managed to completely shit the bed with 67.20pts. going into the monday game i was up ~14pts with them having gronk, pats' K + DEF so it was pretty much goodnight sweet prince, right? i didn't even wanna pay attention to the MNF game cuz i've spent the last ~5 sundays properly drunk and mental over my fantasy football shortcomings, and i reckon i would have went nuts when i saw that i ended up losing 68.70-67.20, a whopping 1.5 point margin... and one that would have been avoided if i wouldn't have made one of those 3 moves in the last 5mins b4 kickoff heading into the bears #STORMOFTHECENTURYGAME.
so yeah it obviously sucks, but i reckon this is the genesis of those stories you tell for years to come about that one year where you sealed off a shit season by freaking out in the wake of a genuinely fuckin' weird game with a 2hr intermission of this hypersensationalized superubermegaultrastorm coverage that constantly featured shots of weathermen standing in front of hi-zoom radars having the red radar fill up the entire background, show that for 30secs then cut to pictures of razed homes and carnage and this and that along with patchy radio updates showing the empty stands at the stadium and like... yeah, shit, that was a pretty fitting note to end my fantasy season on.
at least i won the league last year a w/0.5PPR setting behind brady/marshall/dez/cobb/t-gonz/bearsDEF by dropping 142 and 163 in the two playoff rounds. i managed a 180pt week that year too, so yeah the fantasy gods giveth and the fantasy gots taketh away. with storms hearlding it no less.
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yep, he did me in, too. As did Stevie Johnson.
