Greetings programs! </tron>

I have created this thread as a potential home for the perpetual sharing of Spiegel-Branded Idiocy, which means this thread should fare better than my legendary "Association Viewing Thread" over in the NBA board. Without further adieu, here's my charter entry:

On the way to work this morning I was listening to the Mack Daddy and Twiddle-Dumb morning zoo and I caught not just a bonafide nugget of Spiegel droppings, but a proper morning-constitution-banana of sheer and utter idiocy.

Baseball is supposedly Spiegel's strong suit, as many a poster on here will lambaste He of the meaty pants (not in a reproductive sense) for his general dumbassedness whilst playing Fred Flintstone to the Mack Daddy's Barney Rubble, but they'll save face from a potential scolding from YourMom by adding that they like Spiegel on Hit-n-Ralph on Sunday Mornings. Indeed, Spiegel is at his best when he's talking about baseball in general, and not doing his weekday fake Cubs fan schtick, hence why he's a perfect overnight guy on a fledgling national sports-talk outfit like Sporting News Radio.

Anyhow, his fake Cubs fandom was exposed this morning when he was gushing over Carlos Zambrano's consistency this season. He jovially pointed out that Zambrano has been "great" this year (his term, not mine) and indeed he has been very consistent, which he added would hopefully make him that much more tradeable.

Indeed, a perfunctory glance at Chuckles' overall statistics shows you a stat-line that looks like it'd be a solid #4-5 pitcher on an American League team with a good offense>> Carlos Zambrano (2011): 11g 11gs 5w 2l 0sv 0bsv 0hld 0cg 0sho 68.2ip 66h 36r 35er 5hr 24bb 46k 4.59era 1.31whip .261baa.

But OK, Spiegel only said that Zambrano was "great" so let's give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that Spiegel derives "greatness" from a pitcher's overall consistency, as we know he aspires to be Burn-Stine-esque by not subscribing to "kiddie stats" such as ERA and WHIP and the most infantile stat of them all, batting average / against. Therefore, let's throw out the 4.59 ERA, 1.31 WHIP, and .261 BAA because only a bottle-feeding diaper-shitting baseball genius would want to measure a pitcher's quality by the amount of runs they give up, or the amount of baserunners they allow proportional to the number of men they retire (IP).

As a fantasy baseball overlord who decided to load up his ~6 roto-league armada with a cheap carlos zambrano circa rounds 13-15 of all of his drafts, I have been watching Carlos' starts very closely on a start-to-start basis, and I can tell you that he's anything but "consistent", that is, unless you cound being consistently inconsistent as being consistent. Right out of the chute he allowed 3 runs in 6IP to the Pirates, then 4ER in 6IP to the Brewers (though he was able to net a win)... Then this is where things get REALLY consistent:

Start #3 was where he had his first of three 5+ ER innings, a game against the Astros where the Cubs were up 6-0 going into the bottom of the 6th. At that point, Zambrano had allowed 0 runs, 3 hits, and 1 walk. He then gave up 2 walks and 4 hits and 5 runs en route to being pulled, a total jekyll and hyde performance. The Cubs were fortunate to hold on to win that game. Then he spins a masterful start at home versus San Diego, going 8 scoreless innings allowing 3 hits and a walk striking out 10! WOOHOO! "THERE'S MY FANTASY SLEEPER!", I thought.

Then in the next start against the Dodgers, in the first inning after a shaky defensive miscue that was ruled as a hit, Carlos wets the bed and gives up 5 ER in the first inning, procuring a Cubs defeat. Holy crap, the guy sucks and he's about to be out of the circle of trust. Then he goes and gives a gritty performance of 2ER in 6IP on the road in Arizona (which many forget is arguably the #1 lauching pad in all of MLB) and then on the road in Los Angeles he spins an unexpected dominant 8IP 1ER win to go to 4-1 and bring his ERA down to 4.23 on the season. All things considered, he's looking pretty good, right?

Then during the next start in Cincinnati, he's looking dominant again, going into the sixth inning up 4-0 and once again cruising only allowing 1 hit and 2 walks through 5... and after he strikes out Miguel Cairo to lead off the inning, Drew Stubbs hits a hard grounder towards Aramis Ramirez, who showed some vintage Roger Dorn desire to get in front of the ball, meaning he didn't, and he ends up booting the ball straight up in the air. It was hit so hard that the official scorer ruled it a hit, but still, Carlos was clearly pissed off at Aramis for dogging it. The proverbial floodgates opened, as he would walk Edgar Renteria then give up four straight hits, capped off by a double by Scott Rolen that went over the head of a dumbass Alfonso Soriano to tie the game at 5 when Mike Quade pulled him for..... THE MIGHTY MARCOS MATEO! Of course, Mateo would allow the go-ahead run to trot in on a wild pitch within 2-3 pitches. The Cubs would go on to lose the game 7-4, causing Mike Quade to have his first postgame blowup, all of which ended up being a prelude to another Cubs' chokejob on the back of Kerry Wood the next night.

After that game, Carlos would give up 3 runs in 5.2 IP to Boston in a ND, and then he had his majestic 6IP 2R 1ER performance against the Amazin' Mets, who btw are without David Wright, Ike Davis, and Angel Pagan. <Macho Man> OOOOOH YEAH!!! </Macho Man>

So yeah, please forgive the verbose nature of my post, but I wanted to go into excruciating detail to prove just how much of an idiot Spiegel is for saying something as stupid as "Zambrano has been great. He's been really consistent this year!" When in fact, Carlos has been Jekyll-n-Hyde to the point where within the span of a week and a half he goes from allowing 5ER in the first inning against a team to allowing 1 meaningless late run in 8 innings the next time out against them. In fact, he's been so maddeningly inconsistent that I had to ragedrop him from every fantasy team I had him with, ultimately accruing me a 4.89/1.29 type clip with 4 wins in 9 starts.

Clearly, anyone who says that Zambrano has been "great" and "consistent" hasn't been watching the games he's pitched for a team that the host is supposedly a fan of, and therefore, I submit this as exhibit ZYX (we're already on the third letter of the exhibit-naming-system) as to why Matt Spiegel is a goddamn moron.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY AND ALL CONCURRENT OBSERVATIONS OF SPIEGEL BRANDED IDIOCY(TM) IN THE FUTURE!

_________________

Disclaimer. Skimmed that very briefly, but.

In his last 21 starts, Zambrano is 13-2 with a 2.96 era. That's great in my book

_________________
Team Cutler.

OK, here's the Cliff's Notes version for those of you who come to a messageboard and don't want to read actual messages.

Spiegel said that Carlos Zambrano has been "very consistent" THIS YEAR.

In 11 starts this season, Carlos has had three innings where he had given up 5/+ ER, two of which came with his team up 4-0 or 5-0 in the 6th inning after he looked dominant for 5 innings. The other 5ER inning was against the Dodgers, who he faced again two starts later and held to one late meaningless run over 8 dominant innings.

Thesis: Carlos Zambrano has been maddeningly inconsistent, and therefore Spiegel is an idiot who clearly hasn't been paying close attention to Zambrano this season.

_________________

Who has time to do more than browse the boxscores when he's got Boston, his real team, to follow closely.

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Exercise some fucking brevity in your posts and people might bother with them. Not everyone has 15 minutes to read and then decipher your manic rantings.

I like you man, just be a bit more concise.

Thanks.Didn't realize he meant just this year. Inconsistent is the word for sure to use

_________________
Team Cutler.

No. When work is slow as shit and I feel the need to get hardcore and provide an eloquent detailed example as to why Spiegel is an idiot, dammit, I was put on this earth to execute flawless ~500 word diatribes to substantiate my claim(s).

I tell you what, in the future I'll meet you half way and include the Cliff's Notes/Thesis thing I did in my follow-up post in the beginning of any potentially long and rambling post. I'm not going to change who I am and what I'm capable of doing just so some random middleaged guys can have an easier time disregarding all of my effort and research so they're able to get back to a circlejerky general discussion/UFBT thread that much more quickly =D

ANYWHODLES (and I can't believe I just said that)... enough about me, you, and any of us lowly board members. This thread is a celebration of the idiocy of one Matt Spiegel, and I know you guys will/have countless examples of his dropping the deuce, so let's have at it!

Darko brought up a great point about his Red Sox love... I wonder if they'd let us on the air during the week if we wanted to talk about THA SAWX, seeing as ESPN has trained me to believe that NYY/BOS is the center of the baseball universe, and therefore the most important thing in the history of baseball.

_________________

Neal: You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecodotes for you. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!

_________________

Speigs really is an idiot.

You shouldn't call out a teammate like that. To do it to a caller is one thing, but its unnecessary to call a teammate out.

Clown.

_________________

wha happen?

Replayed the Bernstein Schuster tiff from yesterday.

Meat said its ok to attack a caller for not knowing what a word means but you shouldn't do that to a teammate.

_________________

Transition today?

I hope so.

_________________

Fair enough, my friend!

Kiddie stats are the only numbers Spiegel responds to, because he's a stat-hating fire-and-passion tard who aspires to be the anti-Bernstein.

The rest of this ("Hit-n-Ralph"?) reads like an abortive attempt at a Dim O'Braincell ripoff.

_________________
The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

Hey, I'll have you know that I'm making a B&B reference when I say "Hit-n-Ralph" because that's what Terry Boers used to call "Hit-n-Run" back when George Ofman and Jesse Rogers hosted it. I believe he used to leave it open for debate as to who was hit and who was ralph. That's all I'm doing, merely paying homage to the halcyon days of B&B lore.

As for the rest of it, hey, by the letter of the definition I probably could easily get diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and I have heard that it's not OK to pick on carniverous subject-of-poseidon types on this board who do the same thing ("Dancing Fool" Rodewald, I believe, comes to mind) so therefore LEAVE ME ALONE, OK!!!

...oh and now Spiegel's idiocy has spread. I've heard Mack Daddy Danny Mack reiterate that Zambrano is doing good this year, and now that OOOH OOH IT'S JUST LIKE BUDDY HOLLY OOOH OOOH AND YOU'RE THAT DAVID KAPLAN WHORE!!!! is on their air, they're getting someone WHO'S PAID TO WATCH AND ANALYZE EVERY GODDAMN CUBS GAME to claim that Zambrano is having this really good consistent year, which is just fucking wrong and a half.

Gentlemen, on the surface this thread might seem like the desperate cries for attention of a Dim O'Braincell wannabe-aspie, but like, I'm telling you that this thread is so much more than that. It's a veritable line in the sand being drawn to stand up against the aggressive idiocy of one Meatpants Spiegel which is spreading like a disease.... first through the booth, then with the "experts", and god knows where else once it's being pumped over a 50k transmitted area. WE NEED TO STAND STEADFAST IN OUR RESOLVE TO STOP SPIEGEL'S IDIOCY BEFORE IT BEGINS!!!

/me wishes upon a star that krazy ivan is on the level

_________________

Hell, they are only talking about Z to promote mac's poorly written column.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/ba ... 510.column

It’s been a couple of weeks since I dropped down the dial and tuned into the Danny Mac Show. I’ve been able to get a fair bit of yard work done with the extra time. I do, however, still seem to regard myself as a casual Spiegs listener – rather than a fanboy. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s a fear that deep down I’m deluding myself – that somewhere deep within me is an selfish kid who is actually using all of this as just a big excuse to get out of working and bludge at home. I really hope not, but if there is any truth to that, then I’m probably going to be the last person to recognise it.

My other thought, and I think this is more likely, is that I’m scared to consider myself a fanboy. It’s like every time I entertain ‘being a fanboy’, there is Shakes or Someguy mocking me saying: “Huh. Yeah right. Like what have you got to show to prove that you’re not just another flake – using creativity as an pathetic excuse to explain why you’re such an un-achiever in any other aspect of life?”

My Pastor uncle once observed how many people suddenly felt they had a call to ministry when they failed to be anything else in life. It was suggested that ministry was often a excuse of people as to why they’d not succeeded elsewhere – rather been an genuine call. It’s not as hard, I guess, to give everything away and follow Christ when you’ve really got nothing to start with.

It that what I’m doing?

Am I so disappointed in my life, that I’m turning to Fanboyism as a last ditch effort to find something to stake the worth of my existence on? Or am I disappointed in life because I haven’t been following my creative desires?

I want Fanboyism to be my reason. Not my excuse.

I guess I want to get to the stage where my inner boyism is being used enough so that to people start to acknowledge me as a fan – rather than me trying to insist to them that I am. Or, on a deeper level, I guess I want to be able to feel that I approval of myself, and my decisions, before I can comfortably begin refering to myself as a the ultimate fanboy.

_________________

Juiced, please turn down the witticism and cleverness. Northside Dan is out there and he doesn't have the time to read through all of that, so please keep any and all writing exhibitions to a manageable paragraph as you're potentially taking away valuable time that could be used to contribute to the UFBT thread, or better yet, the can't-miss game of thrones discussion! FOR SHAME!!!

(A+ post btw! )

_________________

I never know if Sini is acting like he is joking or really being a dick. It is hard to determine oftentimes.

_________________

The short version:

Spiegel is not an idiot, I am the idiot for listening to his show.

This post was short, brief, and stated little more than this basic fact.

.........
..
.

However I do wish to express to friends and colleagues my reasons behind the original post.

I wish to state for the record that my decision for the short post is in no way motivated by the negativity on the board. I have enjoyed posting with the committed and friendly people here, and it has been a pleasure to write, and grow professionally, under Tall Midgets knowledge.

I will not deny that I am still offended and angry at how the incidents around the new year was handled by Bigfan. I feel that because of the incompetency or lack of a forum moderator to get the facts correct I have had my reputation tarnished. I feel I became the scapegoat when the board felt that someone had to be blamed. I also feel that the death threats I received was unjust; I received training in posting when I started here, and had this training re-enforced when I was given multiple for my post. I feel no responsibility for my actions if the procedural training I was officially given was wrong.

It has become clear that my freedom to post here has now been stigmatised, and I believe any subjects that I might have pursued to post would now be hampered. I find this upsetting because my three years of demonstrated hard committed work and notable results seem to mean nothing.

This however is not my reasons for the short post, but rather the catalyst for the decision.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTeCc8jy7FI

_________________

Spiegel's not an idiot. May have incorrect facts or differing opinions, but not an idiot by any means. Plus, no idiot could make such outstanding grilled asparagus.

_________________
-"God is great. Beer is good. And People are crazy!"

I agree. You sport a very impressive vocabulary, but your posts are hard to read when you only have a short time to peek at the board.

_________________
"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." ~ H.L. Mencken

for the sake of anyone "real" or "official" who might stumble across this, I would like to disclaim that the spirit of this thread is all in good fun, as i'm sure matt spiegel is a nice person who'd be a good guy to have a glass of wine over some grilled asparagus with, as our dear leader has pointed out before. it's nothing personal with him as a person. i'm sure he's a swell guy, but there are many times where i would prefer that someone else be on my radio from 9am-1pm when it's attrition time... as r-kelly once sang "it's just business it ain't PERSONALLLLLLL"

that said, he has a propensity to say some pretty idiotic things and that zambrano thing this morning nearly caused me to drive off of the road. i mean.... it's like, seriously, do you watch the damn games or are you just speaking out of your plentiful arse?! =D

oh and juiced, dude, i really have no idea just what the fuck you're on about now. i'm quite lost and like, i saw what you were getting at with the original post and thought it was quite clever (to partially respond hank scorpio's musing.... the rest is like fox news: i babble, you decide) but all of the bigfan/stigmatization stuff?!! ummmm ok. have a nice weekend, dude!

_________________

Gotta hand it to Eaglo, he definitely owns the suck

_________________
"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

I want my Curbs back, immediately!

_________________
-"God is great. Beer is good. And People are crazy!"

_________________
-"God is great. Beer is good. And People are crazy!"

Is this what it's all come down to?

We can't even write a good "they suck" thread.

_________________

Hey man, I set up a damn good "they suck" thread IMHO. I went into a thorough analysis of just how wrong and dumbassed Spiegel was, much to the chagrin of the one-liner crowd, and I only tossed up the disclaimer to be nice to Eaglo Jeff and other people who would attempt to assassinate MY character.

This Zambrano thing is a golden example of Matt Spiegel talking out of his ass, which is the epitome of why there needs to be some new talent in the booth from 9am-1pm. The scary part was that everyone else was taking what he said and running with it.... at least the Cubs "expert" is paid to be a ~75% ham and to talk up the Cubs and get us interested to watch MORE CUBS BASEBALL ON COMCAST SPORTS NET, SOON TO BE NBC SPORTS CHICAGO!!!!

I agree with Mac's overall view of Zambrano, that's he's far and away the most entertaining baseball player in this town. He's long been my favorite pitcher in the history of baseball, and he's appointment television for me whenever he's pitching and I'm able to watch the game. That said, jesus, he's been horribly inconsistent all year long, and one of the running themes of the show today was how consistent and "great" Zambrano has been this year?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!!?

As for the rest of Spiegel's on-air persona, I've spoke of the giggles and the latent racism and the fact that I can give a shit about tributosaurus... and I'm making this too much about me. Fuckall! DAMN YOU WORK, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO SO I AM NOT COMPELLED TO RAMBLE ON A MESSAGEBOARD FOR A SOLID SALARY ALL DAY LONG!

(psst. spiegel sucks, pass it on!)

_________________