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Urlacher seeks ways to avoid family
September 15, 2009 by chetchitchat
When Brian Urlacher (good ol’ #54) went down with a career-ending (?) injury, Gale Sayers (good ol’ #40) was heard muttering: “I love Brian Urlacher. I hope you love him, too.”

It’s a sad day for Beardom, but especially for Urlacher, who now will have no excuse not to see his sundry children on Sundays, which God had mercifully provided as a day of rest from the family for National Football League players.

“You can be sure I’m going to dump JFK III, or whatever we named that kid on Brian on Sundays now,” said the woman (what was her name again?) who tried to extort money from Michael Flatley and had Urlacher’s kid.

The unremembered woman said she is too busy now to see the child on Sundays because she is busy getting a facelift and a skin dye job in order to appeal to Michael Jordan.

Repeated attempts to reach Jordan went unanswered. Jordan reportedly has been busy trying to collect a thousand dollars each from members of his family whom he got tickets for at last weekend’s NBA Hall of Fame induction ceremonies.
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How come no one says the Bears haven’t had a QB since McMahon?
September 16, 2009 by chetchitchat
Those of us who remember the way Sid Luckman thrilled the nation with that “T” formation can take a lesson from history to gauge how we should react to the Jay Cutler disaster in Green Bay.

Specifically, you should go back to August of the year Two-Thousand Aught Nine (2009) when a very similar situation presented itself. The Bears had hinged all their hopes on a new quarterback and he looked just awful in his first game. He blamed a receiver for not making a play. He made you think of his predecessor. But then a great thing happened. The following week the quarterback shined. Shone even. And all was well.

That quarterback’s name: Jay Cutler. He blamed Devin Hester for not breaking up an interception in the inaugural exhibition game and looked nervous. After that game he said something to the effect that the offense was a work in progress and that fans should worry if the team looked this woeful for the opener in Green Bay.

But the following week Cutler was great, and so no one was worried about the opener in Green Bay. Until about the second pass that should have been intercepted but wasn’t.

I don’t recall Bears fans going this crazy after just the first game. But I think Bears fans are loving every second of this. The upside is worth it. And the downside is a thrill. It’s like when fans used to come out to see Judy Garland in the hope that she would break down. (Or if Jerry Garcia dropped dead on stage? I’ll have my wordpress.com leg man check out that reference.)
EOM

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Rika Nishimura is a nude Japanese idol who enjoys the status of living legend. 2004 saw the release of the DVD compilation "Rika, 22 Years Old - A Goddess Reincarnated". Her teen DVDs & books still sell thousands yearly.