The funniest part of this is his designation as CBSChicago.com "Senior Columnist"
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| Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny https://mail.chicagofanatics.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=79058 |
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| Author: | Bucky Chris [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2013/05/08/ ... -be-right/ By Dan Bernstein- CBSChicago.com Senior Columnist (CBS) I’ve decided I’m with Hawk Harrelson. This is a game, dadgummit, played by ballplayers that just need to want to win a game for ya – not some confusing math problem that needs solvin’. I’ve been around this game the better part of seven decades, and that’s the way it always has been and that’s the way it always will be. That’s how it was for Yaz, and that’s all I need to know. (spits on ground) Besides, that cyborg-metric mumbo-jumbo can be twisted all around to make it tell you whatever you want. Just look at our Chicago White Sox, for instance. I know the Sox are a more-than solid offensive team, because they make themselves dangerous, have lively bats and show the will to win. But you take one look at those durn statistics, and you’d think they were one of the worst offenses in the game! Just a quick glance at these overrated numbers at baseballreference.com says they are dead last in the American League in runs, hits, doubles, walks, batting average, on-base percentage and something called OPS. They are next to last in triples and slugging percentage. See what I mean? And then there’s their -1.2 aggregated offensive Wins Above Replacement, tied with the Marlins for worst in baseball, per Fangraphs.com. That means they would actually be better off trotting out a daily batting order made up of 0.0, replacement-level players — defined by a .294 individual winning percentage and described by Tom Tango as “talent level for which you would pay the minimum salary on the open market or for which you can obtain at minimal cost in a trade.” You gotta be bleeping me. Of the 30 MLB teams, not one is out more often than the White Sox. Their .276 on-base percentage can be seen as a .724 not-on-base percentage. Their hitters strike out in 23.9 percent of their plate appearances (third worst), but they balance that out with an MLB-worst walk percentage of 6.3. Hawk told us all about the offseason acquisition of Jeff Keppinger, and about how his skill and versatility would help. Also best to stay away from statistical voodoo when evaluating him, and concentrate on his will to win. Keppinger has the honor of being the worst hitter in the game, ranked 593rd out of 593. He is batting .191, has an OBP of .188, and has ZERO WALKS IN 112 PLATE APPEARANCES. Adam Dunn is #588, and Paul Konerko is #575, so he has company in the fetid swamp of page 20 of the Fangraphs list. So forget all that. Hawk’s right. What’s all that highfalutin’ book-larnin’ worth, anyhoo? Show me the “hang wif’em” percentage, and we’ll talk. They keep hitting the ball hard, and the other team always has a man there. That’s just bad luck, since there’s no way opponents could possibly position their defenses based on data indicating where a player is likely to hit a certain pitch. That would be like cheating. And come back to me when the “he just missed it” averages are available. I tell ya, if I had a nickel for every time a Sox hitter just got one off the end of the bat or was a little underneath it… It’s nice here, in the stat-free zone. Much more comforting to employ the subjective over the objective, extrapolating cherry-picked anecdotal evidence to make myself feel better. I can see something I like, declare it an eternal, universal truth, and that’s it. No need to cross-check anything, either. Once the White Sox increase their desire to win, they’ll be fine. They must not have that will, yet, I guess. Besides, all that those pesky advanced numbers have done is get a bunch of people fired. |
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| Author: | Hockey Gay [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:32 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
There will be blood. |
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| Author: | Northside_Dan [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:33 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Our definitions of funny are different. Usually Dan's pretty good with these, this one missed the mark more than Adam Dunn Hey yo! |
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| Author: | Bucky Chris [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:34 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Northside_Dan wrote: Our definitions of funny are different. Usually Dan's pretty good with these, this one missed the mark more than Adam Dunn Hey yo! What do you think missed the mark? |
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| Author: | rogers park bryan [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:35 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Swing and a miss BTW, people go to the YAZ thing WAAAAY too much with Hawk. I know he worships Yaz but somehow people mocking Hawk have found a way to exaggerate it (which is no small feat) |
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| Author: | Brick [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:36 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
rogers park bryan wrote: Swing and a miss I agree. Hawks thoughts on Sabrmetrics are terrible, but it's clear that Hawk thinks this team sucks too.
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| Author: | rogers park bryan [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Boilermaker Rick wrote: rogers park bryan wrote: Swing and a miss I agree. Hawks thoughts on Sabrmetrics are terrible, but it's clear that Hawk thinks this team sucks too.Didnt even consider that but that's correct I just think its a horrible attempt at a parody |
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| Author: | Bucky Chris [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
rogers park bryan wrote: Boilermaker Rick wrote: rogers park bryan wrote: Swing and a miss I agree. Hawks thoughts on Sabrmetrics are terrible, but it's clear that Hawk thinks this team sucks too.Didnt even consider that but that's correct I just think its a horrible attempt at a parody Did you at least laugh at the Keppinger section? |
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| Author: | Don Tiny [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
I'd much rather listen to Dan lay into that baseball asswipe than go on endlessly about Christians, Penn State, Lance, or how delicious LBJ's ass tastes any day, so the article's got that going for it, which is nice. |
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| Author: | Regular Reader [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
The funniest part of this is his designation as CBSChicago.com "Senior Columnist"
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| Author: | rogers park bryan [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:42 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Bucky Chris wrote: rogers park bryan wrote: Boilermaker Rick wrote: rogers park bryan wrote: Swing and a miss I agree. Hawks thoughts on Sabrmetrics are terrible, but it's clear that Hawk thinks this team sucks too.Didnt even consider that but that's correct I just think its a horrible attempt at a parody Did you at least laugh at the Keppinger section? The Keppinger part was ok. I think Im spoiled because people here do better Hawk impressions |
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| Author: | Zizou [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
rogers park bryan wrote: Swing and a miss BTW, people go to the YAZ thing WAAAAY too much with Hawk. I know he worships Yaz but somehow people mocking Hawk have found a way to exaggerate it (which is no small feat) Reminds me of people always going "MMMMM" and "LET'S PUT 'IM ON HOLD" when mocking Jiggets. |
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| Author: | rogers park bryan [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:45 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Zizou wrote: rogers park bryan wrote: Swing and a miss BTW, people go to the YAZ thing WAAAAY too much with Hawk. I know he worships Yaz but somehow people mocking Hawk have found a way to exaggerate it (which is no small feat) Reminds me of people always going "MMMMM" and "LET'S PUT 'IM ON HOLD" when mocking Jiggets. Right. Dont go to the same well every time You got Rico Petrocelli, the Bertucci boys, best at picking a bad catchers throw at second during day games, etc |
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| Author: | pittmike [ Wed May 08, 2013 10:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Regular Reader wrote: The funniest part of this is his designation as CBSChicago.com "Senior Columnist" This reminds me of when I managed for a company some time ago. We would have engineers that bitched about being there forever and never promoted and wanted more money than the company really slotted the position for. So we bump them a small percentage and give them some more paperwork and really change nothing. Presto "Senior Engineer". 
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| Author: | IkeSouth [ Wed May 08, 2013 11:18 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
bernsie wrote a beardown colum, except it wasnt funny. huh |
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| Author: | Hatchetman [ Wed May 08, 2013 11:22 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
If Boers wrote a column, what would his title be? Senior Citizen Columnist? |
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| Author: | good dolphin [ Wed May 08, 2013 11:30 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Jackie Martling- Senior Writer |
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| Author: | good dolphin [ Wed May 08, 2013 11:35 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
This is basically the Jason Collins multi day fiasco...a sizeable majority is already on your side of the argument already. I look forward to his next column on universal suffrage. |
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| Author: | Chus [ Wed May 08, 2013 4:31 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
rogers park bryan wrote: Swing and a miss BTW, people go to the YAZ thing WAAAAY too much with Hawk. I know he worships Yaz but somehow people mocking Hawk have found a way to exaggerate it (which is no small feat) He talks about "Sudden" Sam McDowell as much as he talks about Yaz. |
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| Author: | Chus [ Wed May 08, 2013 4:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
good dolphin wrote: Jackie Martling- Senior Writer Hot dogs and donuts! Heh heh heh! |
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| Author: | Brick [ Wed May 08, 2013 4:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
So no one besides Bucky Chris found the article even remotely funny. Good job. Good effort Bucky Chris. |
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| Author: | doug - evergreen park [ Wed May 08, 2013 4:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
it was alright...i smirked once or twice. |
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| Author: | sjboyd0137 [ Wed May 08, 2013 4:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Boilermaker Rick wrote: So no one besides Bucky Chris found the article even remotely funny. Good job. Good effort Bucky Chris. Pretty much. I think this article may have been his iTunes store suggestion of the day. |
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| Author: | HipCheck26 [ Wed May 08, 2013 6:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
pittmike wrote: Regular Reader wrote: The funniest part of this is his designation as CBSChicago.com "Senior Columnist" This reminds me of when I managed for a company some time ago. We would have engineers that bitched about being there forever and never promoted and wanted more money than the company really slotted the position for. So we bump them a small percentage and give them some more paperwork and really change nothing. Presto "Senior Engineer". |
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| Author: | Colonel Angus [ Wed May 08, 2013 6:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Bernsie's going to end up in a mental institution. |
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| Author: | pittmike [ Wed May 08, 2013 6:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
HipCheck26 wrote: pittmike wrote: Regular Reader wrote: The funniest part of this is his designation as CBSChicago.com "Senior Columnist" This reminds me of when I managed for a company some time ago. We would have engineers that bitched about being there forever and never promoted and wanted more money than the company really slotted the position for. So we bump them a small percentage and give them some more paperwork and really change nothing. Presto "Senior Engineer". 
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| Author: | SteveSarley [ Wed May 08, 2013 8:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Hawk should go after Bernstein with the business end of a rake |
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| Author: | Colonel Angus [ Wed May 08, 2013 8:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
B&B's making enemies of everyone. First they went after Cutler, then they lost Bez, now Hawkeroo. |
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| Author: | SpiralStairs [ Wed May 08, 2013 8:33 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
SteveSarley wrote: Hawk should go after Bernstein with the business end of a rake I always get confused about which end the business one is... |
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| Author: | Rod [ Wed May 08, 2013 8:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Bernstein takes on Hawk, and it's funny |
Bucky Chris wrote: http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2013/05/08/bernstein-hawk-has-to-be-right/ By Dan Bernstein- CBSChicago.com Senior Columnist Show me the “hang wif’em” percentage, and we’ll talk. They keep hitting the ball hard, and the other team always has a man there. That’s just bad luck, since there’s no way opponents could possibly position their defenses based on data indicating where a player is likely to hit a certain pitch. That's correct isn't it? We know that over enough attempts the batting average on all balls in play is near .300. Theo Epstein is likely the only one capable of outsmarting such randomness. |
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