Because he's BAD AT BASEBALL...we said it, I said it...I've been saying it...I tried, we tried to come here, and we wanted to live in peace but if we can't live in peace then let's DIE in peace...and I say 'we' because we're all here.

Anybody who is listening to this tape, YOU CANNOT SAY WE!

Now...if anyone has any dissenting opinions...yes, Frank in Oak Park...

yes, Dan, thanks for taking my call, I have a question in three parts. In 1453 before the fall of Constantinople, the Ottoman Turks were in a position to control the Byzantine empire and did so by deftly and unanimously coming together as one. When the Greeks invaded India at the Ganges, even Alexander listened to Coenus because of his fear of mutiny. Now as a collective voice, we have opinions and we come from different backgrounds and my first question has to do with the facilities at the main compound, whether they are fit to train the Chicago Bears or would they be better suited for perhaps a collegiate level.

Now hold on...hold on here, we want to make it a beautiful day, let's make it a beautiful day.

You came here, believing that LeBron was better than Magic Johnson. One of the best distributors, passers, of all time. You wanted to believe that concussions would KILL. And now they've all KILLED. We'll all be KILLED. We laid down our lives, we got tired...we were tired of an inhumane world that believed in the myths of clutch and choke rather than the numbers and sabremetrics.

the beach boys suck!

No matter how many cries no matter how many screams you hear, they're just taking a drink. It's fine wine they've got there, it's Malbec. We're just stepping over...it's such a better life we're stepping over into.

Teery said he couldn't be here, but in the third hour I'll talk about what we could've done. Talk about Superman, son! And why should the White Sox trade anybody? What should we do? Airlift to California?

couldn't airlift...couldn't...no they've killed. And we had to take revenge. Revenge on Pennsylvania, revenge on those who support football, support rape and CTE...but we got tired, and we're stepping over...we didn't commit suicide, we committed an act of revolutionary suicide, that we weren't going to live in this inhumane world any longer.

I originally read this as "The Beardown Death Tape" and got really excited.

Still a nice job.

I guess.

Speaking of Beardown where did that rascal get to?

Being Beardown expends a great deal of energy, greater than you'd ever think, and so he takes off for months at a time to recharge his batteries.

And find a new radiator girl.

yes, Dan, thanks for taking my call, I have a question in three parts. In 1453 before the fall of Constantinople, the Ottoman Turks were in a position to control the Byzantine empire and did so by deftly and unanimously coming together as one. When the Greeks invaded India at the Ganges, even Alexander listened to Coenus because of his fear of mutiny. Now as a collective voice, we have opinions and we come from different backgrounds and my first question has to do with the facilities at the main compound, whether they are fit to train the Chicago Bears or would they be better suited for perhaps a collegiate level.

maybe we should write a parody of some 9/11 cell phone calls

I know I'm being a bitch today. I'm sick and there is nothing worse than a cold during the summer.