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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:27 am 
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http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2014/12/15/bernstein-bears-are-a-product-in-free-fall/

By Dan Bernstein-
CBSChicago.com senior columnist

(CBS) The experts agree: It’s increasingly difficult to figure out how and where this slide ends, with every low point seemingly outdone by yet another negative turn.

“It’s anybody’s guess,” Jim Russell told CNBC. “There is sufficient momentum to the downside that it probably overshoots beyond fundamentals.”

“We haven’t seen stabilization,” Randy Frederick said to Tribune Media. “Everyone wants to know how low it can go.”

And from Bloomberg.com, here’s more pessimism from John Kilduff: “The elements … haven’t changed. The move lower should extend downward. The bottom of this move isn’t in sight yet.”

They were talking about crude oil prices in this case, but they might as well have been describing the 5-9 Bears after losing another episode of their nationally televised series that piles one embarrassing flop on top of the other, in what can only be a concerted effort to undermine their own brand. This one was 31-15, at home, to a bad Saints team on Monday night.

Consider: 92 total yards of offense in the first half, three more Jay Cutler interceptions and what had to be one of the single worst plays in the history of the NFL — a fake punt on fourth-and-3 from their own 39 that saw a direct snap to Danny McCray in the backfield. Not only was he tackled a yard short of the line to gain, but an illegal formation penalty was called when only 10 men took the field. There were the usual false starts by wide receivers, crumbled pass-protection schemes and a defense allowing more free releases than a desperate record company.

Bears were yelling at Bears after every next failure, despite coach Marc Trestman’s laughable assertion that the Aaron Kromer humiliation of last week could “bring a team together, and our team was able to capture that this week and turn it into a very positive work week for us.”

Well, obviously.

This was so bad that even ESPN broadcaster Jon Gruden – the man who LOVES EVERYTHING – was dismayed by the quality of play. Gruden, I’m sure, has had nice things to say about tornadoes (“Gotta love that kind of power that can just blast out of nowhere!”), Mad Cow Disease (“Just so effective at what it does – great, great prion!”) and John Wayne Gacy (“Really a talented clown before he made some questionable decisions.”), but even he was reduced to a sobered shake of the head.

“This has been a hard watch,” Gruden said.

His partner, Mike Tirico, called it correctly in the first quarter.

“It’s bad,” he said. “It’s bad ball, Jon.”

Later, Gruden called the Bears “lethargic, non-competitive, ugly” and said, “There’s a problem here in Chicago right now.”

That problem is deep, dark and multifaceted, and it was on display under bright lights to whatever parts of the world still care to watch. Something here is fundamentally broken and irreparable – a systemic failure crying to be put out of its misery by whatever ill-defined hierarchy of nominal upper management and ownership occasionally clots together to formulate such decisions.

It’s time to gather and talk, as it has been and will continue to be.

The price of oil has dropped largely due to expansion of extraction here in the US, with previously untapped stores trapped in shale now made available through hydraulically pressurized well-stimulation. Vast fields of previously inaccessible crude are now producing enough to influence the globe, causing panic in OPEC nations as freight trains of tankers trundle out away from the Dakotas to waiting refineries.

Those trains are moving south like the fortunes of a promising football team gone all kinds of wrong.

Distill it any way you want, but the Bears are fracking awful.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:30 am 
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WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVING HELL??

"The price of oil has dropped largely due to expansion of extraction here in the US, with previously untapped stores trapped in shale now made available through hydraulically pressurized well-stimulation. Vast fields of previously inaccessible crude are now producing enough to influence the globe, causing panic in OPEC nations as freight trains of tankers trundle out away from the Dakotas to waiting refineries.

Those trains are moving south like the fortunes of a promising football team gone all kinds of wrong.

Distill it any way you want, but the Bears are fracking awful."

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:32 am 
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I have no idea what the fuck he is getting in the last few grafs.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:33 am 
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For those unaware, the further south those trains go is Whiting, IN. Most of it goes to Billings, Rawlins or Cheyenne. Not that any of it makes any sense anyways.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:39 am 
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I'm convinced that not only is he writing this way to hasten the end of his writing assignments, he's also writing to match the performance level of the Bears.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:42 am 
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How. Could. Reporters. Waste. Jay. Cutler's. Time?!?

http://deadspin.com/jay-cutler-presser- ... 1671595292

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:36 am 
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SpiralStairs wrote:
How. Could. Reporters. Waste. Jay. Cutler's. Time?!?

http://deadspin.com/jay-cutler-presser- ... 1671595292


hey that deadspin article goes on to quote tweets from LOCAL AUTHORITY ADAM HOG to say that the bears didn't say over the PA system that jay cutler was taking questions, so clearly the buck has been passed to the bears for trying to bury the jay cutler presser and get him out of there without taking any heat from the legendarily rough chicago beat reporters.

next presser should be only questions about his conversion van, aka the real story of the season from training camp onwards. alls i know is that after 1yr of learning curve the bears were outright contenders (NFC championship game, 8-3 b4 cutler broke his thumb against SD, 10-6, and 8-8 with a chance to win that last game and get in the playoffs) b4 that conversion van, and now they're having their worst season since either 2007 or 2002-03. i blame the conversion van.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 3:49 am 
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spanky wrote:
WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVING HELL??

"The price of oil has dropped largely due to expansion of extraction here in the US, with previously untapped stores trapped in shale now made available through hydraulically pressurized well-stimulation. Vast fields of previously inaccessible crude are now producing enough to influence the globe, causing panic in OPEC nations as freight trains of tankers trundle out away from the Dakotas to waiting refineries.

Those trains are moving south like the fortunes of a promising football team gone all kinds of wrong.

Distill it any way you want, but the Bears are fracking awful. I'm John Feinstein."

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 8:51 am 
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I know this is what Terry would call "tall timber," but seriously, that oil stuff is some of the worst writing he's ever committed.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 8:56 am 
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What ruins the whole thing before you even get to that Albomian atrocity at the end is that unless you own oil company stock, live in Alberta, or feast on human misery, the drop in gas prices is a good thing.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:01 am 
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Curious Hair wrote:
What ruins the whole thing before you even get to that Albomian atrocity at the end is that unless you own oil company stock, live in Alberta, or feast on human misery, the drop in gas prices is a good thing.


Seriously. I mean, this--

Quote:
Those trains are moving south like the fortunes of a promising football team gone all kinds of wrong.


--is so tortured, it may as well have had hummus sprayed up its ass.

"Trains carrying an essential commodity at a low price are moving south (i.e., the cardinal direction). This is similar to the Bears, a football team that is moving south (i.e., a metaphor for decline)." Writering!

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Last edited by Dave In Champaign on Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:02 am 
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Dan Bernstein wrote:
That problem is deep, dark and multifaceted, and it was on display under bright lights to whatever parts of the world still care to watch. Something here is fundamentally broken and irreparable – a systemic failure crying to be put out of its misery by whatever ill-defined hierarchy of nominal upper management and ownership occasionally clots together to formulate such decisions.

So this paragraph is really weird. He repeats himself and then I think he should've said clotting. I'm a numbers guy so I could be wrong. Not a writer. I feel clot is a weird word to use there anyways.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:08 am 
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No, he has the right tense of "clot," but he also has this weird mixed metaphor where there's blood that's coagulating but it's not killing a broken, suicidal object.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:09 am 
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'Dave In Champaign' is a delightful bastard ... :lol: :lol:

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:13 am 
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Don Tiny wrote:
'Dave In Champaign' is a delightful bastard ... :lol: :lol:

Plus :lol: . No one can tear apart a Lil Danny screed like Dave

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:17 am 
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I know Dan can write really well when he wants to. But he has to turn shit out, and so he, well, turns shit out. You get the feeling that he writes about the agency of clotting hierarchies because he has to make sure people know that he can if he wants to.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:29 am 
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Alright .... in other possible radio-related news .... I'm made to understand that on the Westwood One radio feed for the game last night, a Mark Malone was on the sidelines reporting that any time Kromer wanted to talk to the players last night they would all just walk away apparently putting him on the pay-no-mind list.

I haven't heard this anywhere else, though it's not difficult to believe this being true to some degree ... anyone else hear anything like this? Dan or Terry's guys see this maybe?

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:01 pm 
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Dan just retweeted the story about how Jackie Robinson West teams is mostly from the suburbs. Will he address this on air today?

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:05 pm 
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In an email to Little League International obtained by DNAinfo.com Chicago, a neighboring south suburban league called on Little League officials to investigate whether Jackie Robinson West engaged in “manipulating, bending and blatantly breaking the rules for the sole purpose of winning at all costs.”

SHOCKING NEWS! :lol:

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:07 pm 
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conns7901 wrote:
Dan just retweeted the story about how Jackie Robinson West teams is mostly from the suburbs. Will he address this on air today?

Should make him happy. Sounds like the kids families just moved!!!!!

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:08 pm 
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SpiralStairs wrote:
How. Could. Reporters. Waste. Jay. Cutler's. Time?!?

http://deadspin.com/jay-cutler-presser- ... 1671595292


"You can be sure that this is going to get blown out of proportion tomorrow and occupy a football news cycle."

Maybe like, I don't know, Deadspin taking the time to write about it and linking the pointless video?

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:09 pm 
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Hatchetman wrote:
In an email to Little League International obtained by DNAinfo.com Chicago, a neighboring south suburban league called on Little League officials to investigate whether Jackie Robinson West engaged in “manipulating, bending and blatantly breaking the rules for the sole purpose of winning at all costs.”

SHOCKING NEWS! :lol:



“I’ve got nothing to hide. My stuff is legit. My son has got three different homes,” Hondras said. “He goes to James Hart in Homewood. It was in Sports Illustrated.”


Upper class privilege.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:10 pm 
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Here is radio news:

Chris Conte just said he would rather die 10-15 years earlier if it meant playing longer in the NFL.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:14 pm 
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Jimmy are you just trying to piss off Don? We had a thread on that already.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:16 pm 
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Hatchetman wrote:
Jimmy are you just trying to piss off Don? We had a thread on that already.



no,sorry,didn't see it.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:18 pm 
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jimmypasta wrote:
Hatchetman wrote:
Jimmy are you just trying to piss off Don? We had a thread on that already.



no,sorry,didn't see it.


For the record I'm not quite sure why it would piss me off ... frankly, a CTE-related note seems a reasonable thing to toss in here given the hosts' penchant for bringing up the topic.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:23 pm 
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I wonder how many years are being subtracted from Jimmy's life for posting here.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:07 pm 
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Hatchetman wrote:
In an email to Little League International obtained by DNAinfo.com Chicago, a neighboring south suburban league called on Little League officials to investigate whether Jackie Robinson West engaged in “manipulating, bending and blatantly breaking the rules for the sole purpose of winning at all costs.”

SHOCKING NEWS! :lol:



ALL. THAT. MATTERS. IS. WINNING. CHAMPIONSHIPS.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 2:38 pm 
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Dan just unironically used the "hoi polloi."

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 3:15 pm 
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I get it he's trying to compare the imploding Bears to the free-fall in oil prices, but how are the two related beyond the direction they're going? If you're going to make a comparison, have a point. One is a commodity affected by geopolitical and supply and demand factors, the other - the Bears ownership - is not affected by anything, except maybe now by the empty seats and the expected loss of tv revenues next year from the Bears not being featured Sunday and Monday night.

What Dan should have written about is the need for the McCaskeys to sell the team. That is the only answer and remedy to the organization's woes.


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