SO WHERE MY HATERS AT?! HUH? WHERE ARE ALL THE WANNABE BERNSTEIN JUAN PIERRE HATERS?

FACT: you can't spell juan pierre without using the same letters that form the word "rape", which is SO apropos because right now Juan Pierre isn't taking the ball out for a night on the town, complete with dinner and dancing... oh no, he isn't even doing STEAK DINNER BOOM! nopers (and i can't believe that i just said "nopers"). juan pierre is str8up taking that ball out back and raping the bitch. What is that, **3** game-winning hits in a row? BURN-STINE is fortunate that he doesn't believe in "clutch" because if he did he might have to say that JP is "clutch" which is clearly comprable to being a kiddie who believes in santa and batting averages,

Why, I remember that fateful day when I was 8 years old and my parents sat me down and told me that batting average wasn't real... i started crying because every year I always thought that Batting Averages would climb down the chimney, help themselves to a cookie and a glass of milk, and then provide a useful metric to determine the skill level of a baseball player.

Anyways, I digress... JP IS GOD AND ALL YOU HATERS CAN GO SUCK A DICK! TEAM JUAN PIERRE 4 LYFE! TEAM JUAN PIERRE DOESN'T ACCEPT APPLICATIONS, THEY ONLY ACCEPT COMMITMENTS.

NONOONONONONONONONONO 30 SECONDS HATE!! NOOO!!! 1-877-KARS-4-KIDS, K-A-R-S KARS FOR KIDS! 1-877-KARS 4 LIDS, DONATE YOUR CAR TODAY! my ears are bleeding and suddenly i'm looking like that one third world kid with the cleft lip from those ads you occasionally see on buses or trains, or well, at every LIRR stop and in every LIRR train out there on the long island railroad.

anyways, yeah, i'm babbling. juan pierre is god in baseball cleats, and like, i'm so glad that he's proven to be INVALUABLE even tho he's developed an allergy to stealing bases this season (10SB 10CS, aka "that ain'no good") he provides stellar defense in the outfield, moving so quickly that it's actually better for him to run the ball into the plate as opposed to throwing it, and even though he doesn't hit homeruns, he provides the necessary hit requisite for winning the damn ballgame.

On the behalf of "JP", I will now accept your messages of apology regarding the saviour of the white sox season. it turns out that ozzie was right about bacon in the big picture, he's proven that he had a good idea to get morel going by putting him in the 2-hole, and like... now it's crystal-pepsi-clear that he knew that "JP" is a centrifugal piece to this 2011 world championship chicago white sox (get your yellow pad and pen out, because you're gonna need to take notes i'm calling it right now: YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOUR 2011 WORLD SERIES CHAMPION CHICAGO WHITE SOX!) and like, juan pierre is redefining the game with every majestic swing of his mighty bat.

JP has proven that you don't need to SLUG for doubles triples or HRs. he's proven that you don't need to steal bases to be the best player in baseball.... nope. all you have to do is put the ball in play and the gods of BABIP will assign you a .300ish average (no kiddie stats, plz) and then you have to continue "making yourself dangerous at the plate" and then the pitchers are gonna piss down their legs and tremble with fear because even though it's not a quantifiable stat that can be dropped at a SABR convention when one desires hot anal sex with his stathead family (think juggalos, just in button up dress shirts cuz they just got off of work) alls you have to do is drop BABIP and/or xFIP and you will be guaranteed an assload of fun!

OH SNAPS WHAT THE FUCK?!?! I'M DRINKY RIGHT NOW SO I'M GOING TO SAY IT: SABRMETRICIANS ARE ALL GAY!! HAHAHAH! I'M EVEN USING "GAY" TO BE A DEROGATORY TERM TO RIDICULE SOMEONE, SO EXPECT A PSA SASYING "HAHAHA, SABERMATRICIANS ARE ALL JAMES!! HAHAHHA" SOON. I SAID IT. SABRHEADS ARE burritos! THEY'RE RETARDS! THEYRE ANY COLLOQUIALISM THAT USED TO BE AN ACCEPTABLE WORD BUT HAS NOW BEEN OSTRACIZED AS OFFENSIVE IN THIS PC WORLD WHERE YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO GO UP TO EVERY ASS-SPELUNKER AND START MAKING OUT WITH THEM RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT LEST YOU BE CALLED A HATER.

and wow, this post has no meaning. carry on gents.

# sini

_________________

Sin you scare the hell out of me and make me laugh at the same time. I'm convinced there are no meds to cure that.

GD I hope you played the lottery. You've been right on the money.

_________________

This team is very talented, they are right in the race and the Tigers have not been playing well at all recently. This teams rotation and pen is good enough to make a surprise run in the playoffs if they get there.

_________________
" THis poster said it's 90% that Bernstein goes national. He put a percentage on it. " - Beardown

Pierre fucking sucks so much

_________________
" THis poster said it's 90% that Bernstein goes national. He put a percentage on it. " - Beardown