WARNING: STEREOTYPICAL SINICALYPTICAL CARICATURE POST IS FORTHCOMING. I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO READ IT, MOREOVER I WRITE THESE POSTS AS A FORM OF EXHIBITIONIST CATHARSIS THERAPY WHERE I TAKE MY PENT UP THOUGHTS/RANTS/RAVES/RAGE AND UNLOAD IT IN A PUBLIC MANNER REGARDLESS OF THE POTENTIALLY-SOCIOPATHIC RAMIFICATIONS. THANK YOU FOR NOT CARING.
Wow.... just wow. I picked the Heat in 5 before this series started, and I figured that tehy'd get up 1-0 or 2-0 or maybe even 3-0 and the bulls would win a token game... but then game 1 happened and fucked me up bad. I had wisely (as it turned out) tried to detach my emotions from this series knowing that the Heat beatdown (or heatdown if you're a fan of puns) was coming, and like, I wasn't going to allow myself to get all beaten and dejected and turn into an emo wreck when the bulls lost....
but then game 1 happened... i knew it was a crazy shooting night, like, shooting 48% from 3pt in volume and all, but still, the way that teh team got kicked around and looked like they were due to get sonned but then said "FUCK THAT FUCK YOU WATCH THIS" and then came together to run the heat out of the building? wow, just wow... holy shit indeed, i gave them a chance.
then they played like utter shit in game 2 and it was like "ok, we've had a crazy shooting game and we've had a crazy shit game, they'll balance it out and have chances to win games...
BUT THEN IT HAPPENED: the giant head of dennis green started rising over the horizon. by the end of game 3 i could make out the cardinals logo on his hat... my ass started clenching up figuring it'd be crowned (there you guys, i set you up with a sure-fire homerun so drive it out of the park) and like, it wasn't just seeing lebron james step up and start showing that he's getting to be an elite closer... it wasn't just him being the best player on the floor who turned it on in the 4th quarter and, quoteth terrence boers, stuck it up our giggy.... it was that the bulls melted down. rose was doing his atlas impersonation with the world on his shoulders and it got to him: he was in over his head. LOL DENG started having LOL DENG moments, and like, those unclutch rose blips became a trend, and now they're going to be a storyline in the offseason.... we've got jay cutLOLer and now we've got derrick rose... i guarantee you that we're going to see internet sports blogs/stories about how chiicago is the new city of un-clutch since we have both rose and cutler.
and i feel real real bad for derrick, cuz like, he turned up his game 2-3 notches this season and his early-season mid-range-jumper was so nice that he rushed out to a ~25ppg average and basically started to evaporate from there, to the point where he'd have to shoot 25-30+ times a game out of necessity and he'd usually shoot 35-40%... this opened the floodgates for the bulls haters from the jordan era (by and large, knicks fans) to start crying DEBRICK ROSE!!! DECHOKE!!! and on irc they'd start msging me about how derrick rose BLOWS and no team can win with him being any better than a #3 option and the bulls should SERIOUSLY trade him for cp3 now.
seriously, he's fallen from "damn that kid is sick" to "trade him for CP3 while you still can, SERIOUSLY!"
this series kicked me square in the fucking dick.... not because i'm a bulls fan and the bulls lost, but because i had seen this coming from a mile away... I PICKED HEAT IN FIVE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! but as i illustrated, the way it went down.... the way i was pulled in after game 1, and i basically held out hope that the bulls could win the series all the way til game 4, which went to overtime and was as close as 89-88 with 2mins left, before dwyane wade hit a tough fadeaway 18 foot baseline jumper with 2 seconds on the shotclock to put up the heat up 3, which would eventually end up being a 101-93 defeat, your basic 12-5 end-of-game run.
i hate to invoke the good name of michael jordan, but this team showed why it could clearly use a MJ type... in teh 2nd half of games 2-5, there were points where the heat would go on something like an 8-0 or 10-0 run, absolutely tearing the bulls heart out... i believe in game 3 it was 78-74 early in the 4th quarter and it ended up being 87-74 by the time that run was done... welp, that's where having a michael jordan type comes in handy because you'd then have someone who can take the damn ball, wallk down, clear everyone out for an ISO, and then either create their own shot or draw a foul. if you happened to notice, lebron was doing that in the waning minutes of game 3. i know most people are liek DUDE DON'T COMPARE LEBRON TO MICHAEL... EVER! HE'S MORE LIKE MAGIC!
true. but even tho i was an adolescent during the jordan dynasty of the 90s, i remember that especially during the second run, there were times where jordan would walk the ball down the court, clear everyone out for an iso, wait for the shot clock to get down to about 8-10 seconds, then get right around 15 feet from the basket... he'd turn his back, shimmy, shimmy, shake, fake, initiate contact in teh hopes of drawing a foul, then regardless of a foul call put up a shot that had a damn good % of going in. naturally, my memory has rosy colored glasses on and of course i remember jordan connecting every single time... but like, the bulls need someone who can say "FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M SCORING" and right now derrick rose is clearly a jump-shot away from being able to do that.
derrick showed some promise early in the year, but whether it was just a good hot streak that fooled us all or the result of him wearing down through the course of a season where most of his game is based on athleticism and flying through the air and taking countless hard falls to the ground, i know not. this offseason is going to tell us perhaps the most we're ever going to know about derrick's career arc because this year was the first year he went into the playoffs with bonafide expectations and figured to be a legitimate championship contender, and let's face reality: he got sonned by lebron james and his superfriends. it was utterly painful to watch him absolutely melt down in the clutch, and it's obvious that he was doing his atlas impersonation because he had the world on his shoulders and he came up short.
i don't want to turn into some sort of a pussy burrito loser (i'm trying to offend as many people as possible with that statement =) who starts putting on the aforementioned rosy-colored-glasses and preaches about how this was a great season that exceeded everyone's expectations and the bulls got way farther than anyone expected them to do and how if you woulda said going into this preseason "hey, would you take it if the bulls lost in the eastern conference finals?" you'd say YES YES YES because you'd figure that they were an overachieving 4-seed or something, hell, even around new years i still thought they'd be the 4 seed, maybe the 3 seed... but much like dan bernstein preaches, i hold this team to a championship standard and whether or not they got to the seemingly-legitimate contender status (a status that, quite honestly even tho it's easy to say now, i didn't think they attained) they were in a series that i think they could of and quite possibly should have one. i didn't see them as having a chance, hence why i picked the heat in 5, but game 1 established that they had a chance, and more often than not they pissed that chance right down their leg en route to closer-than-the-score-indicates type losses.
yes, in the aggregate big picture this team did exceed my initial expectations this year. even tho they went out liek bitches when they got sonned out of the eastern conference finals by the heat, they did display a lot of heart in getting as far as they did with an inferior team to the heat. sure, you can argue about the bulls depth and whatnot, but the NBA is a star-oriented league. when you've got lebron, dwyane, and christina all drawing various doubleteams 75% of the time, you can put out an overpaid bum like mike fucking miller and have him shoot wide open 3s and most times he's going to make them. by the end of the series it was the rebounds from that shithead miller that really killed us (and yeah i'm saying us cuz guess what? i literally bleed bulls red, like we all do) and rah rah rah. this team is essentially the try-hard bulls v2.0.... think about it, it's the same schtick as the .500ish playoff squad of the mid-2000s except we have one bonafide thoroughbred in derrick rose. once again, LOL DENG is supposed to be the all-around guy that LOL DENG was supposed to be ~4-5 years ago, and now we've got an under-the-rim essentially-finesse 4 in boozer... otherwise, it's the same schtick: defense-playing imminently-coachable try-hard GOOD CHARACTER guys like ronnie brewer and taj gibson and keith bogans are there replacing the kirk hinrichs, andres nocionis, and you've got a much less explosive/good ben gordon type guy in DAS POINT TARD, cj watson. IT'S THE SAME FUCKING SCHTICK THAT PAXSON BUILT 5 YEARS AGO. IT DIDN'T WORK THEN, IT DIDN'T WORK NOW.
so now there's hard decisions going forward... i think noah's contract is tradeable. i pray that LOL DENG's contract is somehow tradeable (even tho he's not that bad and i'm overexaggerating, he's the bulls' soriano-type-albatross) and you might have to part with a quality role player like taj in order to get someone... but this team needs a thoroughbred. ideally, you need someone to come in and be THE STAR who relegates derrick rose to the #2 guy on the team. i know that's damn near impossible given what the bulls have to work with (the antithesis of the pearly gates leading to NBA hell) but like, if you want to win a title you at least need a #1a or very very good #2 scoring option who makes boozer a solid #3 and LOL DENG the role player that he truly is. i liken his ideal role on the bulls to ron artest's role on the championship lakers of last year. i.e. he plays defense, he focuses on playing defense, and any offense you get from the guy is bonafide katy perry tits. sure, sometimes he can go off and score 20+ points hitting 3 pointers and driving to the basket, but like, you NEVER EVER EVER COUNT ON THAT, otherwise you end up going out like chumps like these 2010-11 bulls, seeing as they've been counting on an overglorified role player to be their #2 guy... saying boozer is your #2 guy is ridiculous because this series exposed him as an under-the-rim power forward. how many times do you need to see joel anthony fly up and block either boozer or deng before you go "holy shit, these guys suck.... i mean they don't technically suck, but my fucking god, they suck!"
so yeah, sorry i'm rambling here and i know it's pointless, but it's much like i posted after the bears playoff loss, there are things that this team has to do in order to get better. i know there's a good % of you who are gonna go rah rah rah and wave the pom poms and say derrick's only 22, he's the damn MVP, this was his first year being THE FUCKING MAN in the playoffs and his first year under an actual coach, and btw it was that coach's first year in the playoffs and boozer only had one year to learn this new system and after one year he'll magically go to the basket and not get blocked by joel anthony repeatedly, and hey maybe LOL DENG, who is still relatively young like i think he's actually younger than lebron, will even get better and with the coach of the year making this team even stronger man shuffle the role players get a serviceable ~14ppg #2 guard who can hit the occasional spot up jumper or 3pter and HEY combine that with old man wade getting crippled and the knicks not getting pieces yet, who else is there and rah rah rah.
whatever. call me a bitch, call me a doom and gloom guy, but like, the heat are only going to get better (even if dwyane wade is decaying before our very eyes, lebron is getting scary good... he's closing games and hitting GIANT SHOTS with regularity now. that is beastmode-type-scary) and call me paul FK'N revere but THE KNICKS ARE COMING!!! THE KNICKS ARE COMING!!! they're going to end up with either deron williams or chris paul and then quite possibly get dwight howard, or at least make a move to get greg oden or something... and they've already got two thoroughbreds while the bulls only have one thoroughbred, and like, yeah, i could see the knicks getting some solid role players and beating this bulls squad next year, even if they improve. as it stands, i fear the knicks having 2 and potentially having 3+ thoroughbreds forming to create another superfriends squad that is the true rival to lebron and the heat, and meanwhile the bulls will truly be the 2000s jazz east and do good enough to win 50+ games every single year but be an afterthought in the playoffs...
and yeah, dan mcneil called me a jag for thinking this, followed by dumb/fat-ass spiegel jumping in with the continuation of dan's thought in a whinier voice---- derrick rose is logging hard NBA minutes and i fear that his bigtime-option-on-a-championship-team window is going to close within 5 years. have bernstein call me a bad fan, have terry stumble around and say that he thinks that but it's 5 years from now, but like, you have to strike ASAP in the east otherwise you truly are gonna be jazz east, and like, how'd that work out for all parties involved? by all accounts d-rose ain't a turd like d-will and i don't see derrick leading a crusade to force thibbs out, but like, still, YOU CAN'T JUST SIT BACK AND GO "AHH YEAH ALL WE NEED IS SOME ~13PPG 2 GUARD WHO CAN SHOOT 40% FROM 3PT AND WE'RE GOOD!" no, you need to get another fucking thoroughbred/star/etc and get this motherfucking job done.
you've got a guy in derrick rose who when he's on is hovering right around the border of top-10 NBA players (let's be real here, this top-5 NBA player stuff was wishful thinking. it sounded great in the regular season, but we're seeing that he still has to improve. as i said on les' show at 4:30am on weds morning, derrick rose has the heart of a champion but the mid-range jumper of a mid-level exception) you've got a decent below-the-rim power forward in boozer, who much like his SF counterpart LOL DENG can quietly put up a nice 20/8 statline like 50-66% of the time, but they're not major players on a championship team. derrick rose is and he needs one other difference-maker like himself... he needs to NOT be the #1 scoring option on teh team, because when he can settle down adn take less shots and work on making those shots better, like if he can shoot 48% in teh playoffs, then you'll get somewhere.
in teh end the bulls defense was good enough to win a goddamn championship. their offense has a long way to go.
it's that simple, friends, and like, that's the word of the emessiah. lambe fenestra!
_________________ Curious Hair wrote: Les Grobstein's huge hog is proof that God has a sense of humor, isn't it?
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