Possible new category. Most inspired individual post.
1st option comes from The official Ask Bernstein Thread
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=35687On page 5, W_Z provides narrative for the battle of wits between Bernstein and Tall Midget.
W_Z wrote:
Ladies and gentlemen, The TM & Bernstein show:
Tall Midget wrote:
Bernstein: This board is crawling with atavistic and tribalistic twerps who self-identify as B&B "ass-lickers." What is your reaction to this type of fan? While I'm sure it's flattering to have a core of dedicated followers, doesn't their mindless adulation offend you given your stated affinity for independent and rational thought? Or do you believe that these meatballs are ground from the highest quality beef imaginable since, after all, they regard you as a deity?
Good start. Not too many big words; after all, Dan already has about a page of stuff to sift through, and a lot of it comes from Beardown, so...Bernstein wrote:
Midget,
I don't know enough about the people you describe to comment. I'm happy some enjoy the show.
Apparently Dan's short answer was not enough for TM, and so he had to kick it up a notch:Tall Midget wrote:
]Bernstein: In your early days as a Score reporter and host, you helped redefine the Chicago sports zeitgeist by formulating a critique of Wannstedt--which later gained currency among many local sports media members--that exposed him as a coach who sought only to win the next game rather than a championship. In doing so, you established yourself as a kind of sports watchdog aligned with the average fan and against the Chicago sports elite. Over the past decade, though, your broadcasting style has become decidedly less populist, more frequently concerning itself with the culture and behavior of ordinary--or in your idiom, "blue collar" or "meatball"--fans than the structural forces and key players shaping Chicago's sports environment. In some ways, your show has become more of a talk show about the culture of sports and sports fandom than it is a talk show about sports per se. What accounts for this shift in focus? Do you believe it can be accurately described as a transition from populism to elitism? Why or why not? Further, isn't your aestheticization of humiliation (ie, your preoccupation with ridiculing "meatball" callers) conceptually aligned with what you call the "lowest-common-denominator" brand of entertainment known as reality television? Doesn't your obsession with humiliating "the stupid" undermine the quality of your show? Why do you choose to focus so much of your time and energy on your intellectual "inferiors" when you are free to ignore them like so many other talk show hosts do? Do you think your ritual humiliations of "the stupid" reveal an unconscious need for constant self-reaffirmation? Why or why not? Do you secretly feel inferior to your friends, relatives, neighbors, etc. since you attended Duke when it was still a second- or third-tier university (in contrast to its current elite status) and you do not possess an advanced degree (like your parents and/or siblings)?
Now there's the TM we all know and love! The question is, did he think that disemboguing bigger words and a more long-winded approach would get a better answer? Let's watch!Bernstein wrote:
Midget,
I don't know what to make of that. I just go to work and talk when the red light goes on. When it goes off, I go home to my family. I'll leave it to you to draw grander conclusions about my career and my motivations. And I disagree, somewhat, with your characterization of Duke in 1987. Not Yale or Princeton at the time, sure, but equivalent to a mid-Ivy in those days.
Shut down. He got a few more sentences, but Bernstein was not biting at ALL! Does TM have to go back into the books now, circa 1987 for college records and what not, to see if Bernstein is accurate in his portrayal of Duke as Mid-Ivy? Tall Midget wrote:
Or in other words, why are you obsessed with humiliating "the stupid?" Do you believe that demonstrating you're smarter than a root vegetable makes you intelligent?
It appears, at least for now, Bernstein is silent. Midget either confused, or disinterested Bernstein. OR, made Bernstein so aware of himself, that he had to cower in his office for a little bit...and really squeeze that Cade McNown stressball hard, and recover. But would he reply? No...and so, we have TM with the final word, as always!Tall Midget wrote:
Yeah, he really went out of his way to say nothing. Quite the contrast to his show when he can dominate by cutting off callers.
Point. Set. Match.Tune in again...tomorrow? Who knows...but we'll be there!
Second nomination for most inspired single post comes from Original Kid Cairo in:
12,000th Post (CSFMB Wrestling Federation)
viewtopic.php?f=47&t=35730OKC's first post is my nomination.
My last entry comes from Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. The good doc was huffing oxygen again and produced several gems. Below was my favorite.
Ugueth’s Friday Boredom Thread 8/28
viewtopic.php?f=47&t=36524&p=586150#p586150Dr. Kenneth Noisewater wrote:
Ran across another Douchebag post...not sure when this was....
Dave wrote:
This goes out to my former employer who recently sent me this letter....
Quote:
Dear [redacted]:
We regret to inform you that we no longer require your services at work. We felt you were an exemplary employee, very diligent and thorough. However, we must at this point remind you that you actually resigned from your position. We did not terminate you.
While we felt it odd that you continued to come to work after you had resigned, we were content to allow you to provide us with your services at no charge. However, as you began to constantly insist upon us giving you performance reviews, at this point we must insist that this working relationship be discontinued.
We would be happy to provide a letter of recommendation but we ask in return that you no longer come to this job, which you quit, 3 years ago. We all loved you here and felt you were the greatest guy in the world. Sorry to see you go and best of luck.
Sincerely,
Jim D'Generato
Here was my reply which states everything very clearly I feel -
Dear Mr. D'Generato:
At this point, I feel I must respond to this scandalous charge. I question how much you guys actually thought of me and really wish you would be clear as to just what your thoughts were with regard to me.
I will heed your request and give my two week notice at this time. In two weeks, I will inform you of when I plan to stop coming to work. I really wanted to deal with situation privately and posted 4 messages on the bulletin board to your attention in an attempt to resolve it. You did not reply. I assume you know that.
I now realize that this job is not a place for nice guys. I take this job personally. I know that. And even though I don't want to work here, I feel I should still come by and see what is going on and if anything happened while I was gone. But I will stop as you requested.
However, please be aware that Jim in shipping heard me say "I don't like tacos" in the cafeteria once and that in no way means that I hate Mexicans. And if Jim feels that way, even though he's never said or implied anything of that nature, he's a fuck face.
This will be the last letter that I send you today. I really don't want to leave this job but, since I don't work here anymore, I really see no other option. There are many people I enjoy working with here but you, Mr. D'Generato, are also a fuck face. I will remember your name as though it were my own for all time.
So have a great weekend and hope to talk to you all sometime down the road.
Sincerely,
Dave
Best Thread is not complete without METEOR.
viewtopic.php?f=60&t=34708 