In a new campaign hashtagged #LieLikeAParent, Kraft is encouraging adults to lie to their children. To kick things off, the brand has renamed (temporarily, we hope) ranch dressing as “Salad Frosting” to convince kids to eat their vegetables. Because traditional “ranch” was such a tough sell.

But it’s true that kids are finicky eaters and it’s also true that it’s fun to lie straight to their cherubic faces. Most of the lies we tell are to protect them from how scary the world is (“Sure, there will still be rhinos when you grow up!”) or to trick them into behaving/surviving into adulthood. The Kraft gimmick falls into the latter camp, but why stop at “salad frosting,” an idea so revolting that it will encourage kids to eat their vegetables plain?

Here are some other suggested kid-friendly rebrands:

Bean pudding (hummus)

Birdie splats (eggs)

Breast soda (milk)

Caramel apples... without caramel (apples)

Cheese s’mores (grilled cheese)

Cheesy pancakes (pizza)

Cow Uncrustables (wagyu katsu sandwiches, for the wealthy baby)

Dippin’ Dots of the Sea (caviar, for the wealthier baby)

Disappointing candy (grapes)

Earth chunks (granola)

Egg pie, or — to double down — birdie splats pie (quiche)

Flat sugar-free pop (water)

Gut Play-Doh (pâté, pour le bébé en France)

Lumpy and bland room temp ice cream (oatmeal)

Meat Push Pops (bone marrow)

Meat syrup (gravy)

Noodle cake (lasagna)

Oink squiggles (bacon)

Rice Crispy meat (fried chicken)

Sad pickles (cucumbers)

Sadder pickles (zucchini)

Salty Gushers (ravioli)

Salty Fruit Roll-Ups (sushi)

Savory cow cookies (burgers)

Unicorn steak (salmon)

Wrinkle crunch bucks (kale)

To think, even if these new names don’t get your kid eating, they’ll at least give them an early life lessen on the embarrassing lengths a brand — or parent — will go to make you want things.

Also if you fuck someone like they are a millionaire they might go try to be one.

I rarely troll.

Salty gushers is not really kid friendly at all.

But I like it.

Sounds like a line of gay porn movies.

To all you young multers out there, this is where bring out your Guy Fieri, and he says something like "does anybody have a pen?"

I invented Salty Gushers at Johnny Garlic's about ten years ago, bro!

Too little, too late, my troll pencil friend.