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| Food for thought https://mail.chicagofanatics.com/viewtopic.php?f=47&t=104476 |
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| Author: | jimmypasta [ Fri Jan 13, 2017 1:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Food for thought |
The Quotes of Steven Wright: 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met. 12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark? 13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good. 20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name 25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. 33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. 34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? |
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| Author: | Jaw Breaker [ Fri Jan 13, 2017 2:59 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Food for thought |
36. The officer asked me if I knew the speed limit was 55 miles per hour...I said I didn't plan on driving that long. |
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| Author: | denisdman [ Fri Jan 13, 2017 3:01 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Food for thought |
37. He who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with stinky hand. |
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| Author: | chaspoppcap [ Fri Jan 13, 2017 3:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Food for thought |
38. I bought some batteries but they where not included. 39. I went to a diner,guy was locking up.I said Hey,sign says open 24 hours. He looked art me and said ,not in a row. |
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| Author: | leashyourkids [ Fri Jan 13, 2017 3:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Food for thought |
chaspoppcap wrote: 38. I bought some batteries but they where not included. 39. I went to a diner,guy was locking up.I said Hey,sign says open 24 hours. He looked art me and said ,not in a row. WERE. IT'S SPELLED WERE. |
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| Author: | BeerFan [ Sat Jan 14, 2017 1:20 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Food for thought |
Limbaugh: ‘Women’s March’ at Trump Inauguration Will Be Nothing More Than a ‘Golden Shower’ #itSings #Zhe |
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| Author: | W_Z [ Sat Jan 14, 2017 3:30 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Food for thought |
I'm a procrastinator. But I'm also obsessive compulsive. So I wait until the last 22 seconds before I do anything. |
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