Poor leash.
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| I Am Worthless https://mail.chicagofanatics.com/viewtopic.php?f=47&t=104614 |
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| Author: | leashyourkids [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | I Am Worthless |
I've always been worthless, but tonight it really hit me. My wife is out so I'm watching my daughter alone. Whenever that happens, we usually order in or go out for dinner. But tonight was gonna be different. My 2 year old daughter and I were going to stay in and make dinner and hang out. I even bought her a new Play-Doh set so we could do the activities. So, after playing a little, I ask her what she wants for dinner and let her go through the fridge and freezer. She picks out pickles, peas, and chicken strips. Sounds great! I then realized I don't know how to make peas. Peas. Fucking peas! I read the instructions, and all they talked about was some contraption called a vegetable steamer. So I got cocky and went rogue, throwing the peas in a pot on the stove with a little water. Well, apparently it wasn't enough water because it burnt the fucking peas to a crisp and set off the fire alarm. I'm still waiting on the chicken. The pickles seem to be a success at this juncture. I fancy myself as some sort of cock of the walk because I go into depositions and fuck with lawyers... But the truth is I'm a sad individual who has never even cooked peas and can't even figure out how without instructions. My daughter has been looking at me with disgust ever since. How the fuck did I even make it this far in life? |
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| Author: | Terry's Peeps [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
| Poor leash. |
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| Author: | FavreFan [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
Should've put a lid on the pot if you wanted a steam effect. Dumbass. |
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| Author: | leashyourkids [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
FavreFan wrote: Should've put a lid on the pot if you wanted a steam effect. Dumbass. How the fuck do people know these things!? |
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| Author: | veganfan21 [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
Shoulda ate them raw. Steamers are for weaklings. |
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| Author: | Godfella [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
I always had a motto when I had to do the Mr Mom thing back in the day... If in doubt order out. Worked well. |
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| Author: | FavreFan [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
leashyourkids wrote: FavreFan wrote: Should've put a lid on the pot if you wanted a steam effect. Dumbass. How the fuck do people know these things!? That's pretty bad if you're serious. Where's the Common Knowledge thread? |
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| Author: | leashyourkids [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
veganfan21 wrote: Shoulda ate them raw. Steamers are for weaklings. I don't need advice from some hipster vegan, either, okay!? If she doesn't eat the burnt peas, she's going to bed early. |
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| Author: | Godfella [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
Maybe Guy Fieri can chime in with some solid advice, leash. |
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| Author: | FavreFan [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
I bet leash doesn't even know what animal peas come from. |
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| Author: | Big Chicagoan [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
Yes, you are worthless. |
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| Author: | leashyourkids [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
FavreFan wrote: I bet leash doesn't even know what animal peas come from. I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face. |
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| Author: | leashyourkids [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
FavreFan wrote: leashyourkids wrote: FavreFan wrote: Should've put a lid on the pot if you wanted a steam effect. Dumbass. How the fuck do people know these things!? That's pretty bad if you're serious. Where's the Common Knowledge thread? I don't need advice on how to cook peas from a guy with no kids. |
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| Author: | FavreFan [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:01 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
leashyourkids wrote: FavreFan wrote: leashyourkids wrote: FavreFan wrote: Should've put a lid on the pot if you wanted a steam effect. Dumbass. How the fuck do people know these things!? That's pretty bad if you're serious. Where's the Common Knowledge thread? I don't need advice on how to cook peas from a guy with no kids. Then ask someone with kids cuz you're pretty fuckin bad at it. |
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| Author: | Goggles [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
I can cook peas with the flint from a Zippo and a spiral notebook. |
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| Author: | Dignified Rube [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
You're excused because the only time you should eat peas is mixed in with fried rice. Eating peas by themselves is pretty awful. |
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| Author: | Ron Wolfley [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
Dignified Rube wrote: You're excused because the only time you should eat peas is mixed in with Chinese fried rice. Eating peas by themselves is pretty awful. Wrong. Eating peas or corn, or both, with mash potatoes is delicious. |
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| Author: | FavreFan [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
That's probably Rube's only good post ever. Peas are fucking awful. |
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| Author: | leashyourkids [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
FavreFan wrote: leashyourkids wrote: FavreFan wrote: leashyourkids wrote: FavreFan wrote: Should've put a lid on the pot if you wanted a steam effect. Dumbass. How the fuck do people know these things!? That's pretty bad if you're serious. Where's the Common Knowledge thread? I don't need advice on how to cook peas from a guy with no kids. Then ask someone with kids cuz you're pretty fuckin bad at it. Read the title of the thread. No need to pile on. |
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| Author: | RFDC [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
FavreFan wrote: That's probably Rube's only good post ever. Peas are fucking awful. Exactly. This is your wife's fault. There should not be peas in the house to begin with. I wish I could tell you that this daddy daughter thing is going to get better....but it isn't. |
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| Author: | veganfan21 [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
leashyourkids wrote: veganfan21 wrote: Shoulda ate them raw. Steamers are for weaklings. I don't need advice from some hipster vegan, either, okay!? If she doesn't eat the burnt peas, she's going to bed early. Well maybe you ought to rethink the whole leash thing, pal. I'm thinking switching places within the leash would make things substantially safer in the leash household. |
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| Author: | Big Chicagoan [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
Your wife out marching? Just leaves her kids unattended? |
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| Author: | Ugueth Will Shiv You [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:24 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
Next time throw the peas in a bowl, put it in the microwave for 40 seconds and be done with it. If you'd like, add a little water to the bowl. |
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| Author: | SpiralStairs [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
| you could have microwaved the peas. Low-T cuck. |
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| Author: | leashyourkids [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:30 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
I wasn't actually asking for advice on how to cook peas, you shallow beta pieces of shit. |
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| Author: | Ugueth Will Shiv You [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
Next time, shove the can of peas up your ass. |
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| Author: | pittmike [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:38 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
I haven't eaten dinner vegetables that weren't in the ready to steam microwave bags in some time. |
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| Author: | Crystal Lake Hoffy [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
I'm with you brother, I would have started them on fire the same way. Fuck peas. |
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| Author: | Ron Wolfley [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
Peas and/or capers go well with Salmon and mash potatoes. |
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| Author: | KDdidit [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I Am Worthless |
Get the peas in the bag you can just steam in the microwave. I'm in the same boat when left with my kid for dinner. I can go to McD's and have her eat shitty food and get covered in nasty germs in the playland but she'll eat everything and have fun for at least an hour while I'm left alone with my phone to post garbage on this site or I can make her something healthyish at home and interact with with like a real parent. Need to work on choosing the good one. |
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