When you used to cancel services with a company, it was easier. If I was in a bad mood, I'd just tell them I'm leaving and it was none of their business why. Now they are pushy. I would sometimes tell them I'm moving, but that doesn't work anymore because they're all over the country. Gyms, cable companies, etc.

Any ideas on excuses that will stump them?

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I'm poor.

This sounds like an issue only betas encounter.

I find that "I no longer want this product or service" does the trick.

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Rick Hahn is the best GM in baseball.

Price is too high. Service sucks. Just say no and move on. I usually start off by saying, no need to try to keep me, Ive made my decision.

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most services are OK to cancel.

there is a special place in hell for cancelling SiriusXM. Block off your afternoon b/c you'll need it.

Just say youre sick of calling India everytime theres a problem with the service.

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

Someone who works there is a racist or has a relative, living or otherwise, who is/was racist.

I don't mind telling them that, but it doesn't usually stop their questioning so I still have to waste another few minutes of my life.

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I'm going off the grid.

Found a sugar momma/daddy to live off of.

Going to jail for an extended period of time.

Moving to Canada. (This worked better in 2016)

Racist is so 2000's. I would go with not enough lesbian women of color work for your company.

I do not want this product or service and I will dispute every credit card transaction going forward if I am not cancelled right away.

Dealing with the credit card companies can be a big hassle for them so it often works.

The other thing you can do is go into your online credit card account, generate a one time use credit card number, and change your credit card information to that. When your card starts to fail they may be more likely to stop giving you the product you don't want anyways.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

I tell MLB that I have implied, oral consent to re-broadcast games instead of express, written consent.

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you sound like a massive pussy.

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Tell them you only have one eye.

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Sex isn't dirty, sex isn't a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

-Hank Kingsley

Please. If I never hear about your (((back pain))) again, it'll be too soon.

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"I've tried to tell you nicely and save us both some time. If you want, i can go the prick who swears a lot route if that works for you"

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This works well. Done it.

Tell them you're in hospice care and won't be needing their business any more.

This. Bonus points for the schmuck at Direct TV that didn't heed and got the full F-bomb brunt from me.

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I dont need it anymore, I'm movin' in with my parents, or I'm not interested.

Wife wants to do something different (nobody ever fucks with this excuse).

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Works for me every time. Why waste time being nice. They just ignore you and keep talking.

Had a lady last week say, " I am ending this call because of your tone."

The other thing I like to do with schmuck's like that is put the 3yr old on the phone and let her "talk" to the nice man from the cable company who wants to give us HBO for free for a month after I told him numerous times that I do not want it for free.

I tell her to say hi and talk about Pal Patrol.

It's Paw Patrol, asshole.

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Don't do that. Very bad karma.

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

Sorry I am out of touch with the left wing agenda kid shows.

Stage 3 cancer, they will STFU and won't know what to say.

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That is also bad juju.

Of course if you actually had cancer, it wouldn't be a bad thing.

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I am not lying about having stage 3 cancer, you savages. I am also not cussing out a frontline sales person who is probably struggling to get by. Threatening to cuss them out seems reasonable, though.

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