I have.

Quite frankly dozens of times in my life. Maybe more.

White women hate me. But the gays love me. Go figure.

I have usually just quickly cut them off letting them know that I like to bang women. Politely, of course. But I've come up with the perfect line recently. I've gotten more creative.

The last few times this has happened I've said "My wife just died.". That leaves them stunned, confused and embarrassed. Conversation ends once you say that. Which is the goal. I love looking at their reactions. I also love messing with strangers. Not just the gays. Any stranger that wants to talk to me.

I have.

Quite frankly dozens of times in my life. Maybe more.

White women hate me. But the gays love me. Go figure.

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything–I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too–big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, then I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!

What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?
.

So you wanna fuck?

Some random guy on the street told me my calves were huge. Does that count?

Some random guy on the street told me my calves were huge. Does that count?

i think that guy worked at my gym. if you come across him again and he asks to buy you a sandwich, run.

Problem for Goff is he can't use "My wife just died" on Larry. Larry knows she's alive.

All the guys who have hit on me are strictly hetero.

All the guys who have hit on me are strictly hetero.