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I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch
https://mail.chicagofanatics.com/viewtopic.php?f=47&t=127794
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Author:  Dr. Kenneth Noisewater [ Sun Apr 10, 2022 1:04 am ]
Post subject:  I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Just turned on the television and some nondescript guy named Charles Stanley is on just saying Satan is bad.

This doesn’t seem that hard. Just use phrases that old people like such as “the television”.

Satan is bad. Send me money so I can tell others that Satan is bad. I can do this.

Author:  OscarTangoEcho [ Sun Apr 10, 2022 1:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Can you heal? It is always real helpful if you can heal. Can you heal?

Author:  OscarTangoEcho [ Sun Apr 10, 2022 1:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

I mean, I don't need redemption...asking for a friend.

Author:  Dr. Kenneth Noisewater [ Sun Apr 10, 2022 7:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

OscarTangoEcho wrote:
Can you heal? It is always real helpful if you can heal. Can you heal?


Maybe. I’ve never tried.

I’m pretty good at predicting natural disasters. That has to be worth some cash.

Author:  Drunk Squirrel [ Sun Apr 10, 2022 7:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Stanley has to be pushing 90. Impressed he can even remember and express satan=bad at this point.

Author:  Dr. Kenneth Noisewater [ Sun Apr 10, 2022 7:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Drunk Squirrel wrote:
Stanley has to be pushing 90. Impressed he can even remember and express satan=bad at this point.


It was in standard definition so it was either quite old or the church isn't going well.

Author:  Caller Bob [ Sun Apr 10, 2022 8:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

You’re a UofI fan

You already belong to one brainwashed legion

Author:  Ogie Oglethorpe [ Sun Apr 10, 2022 10:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

I think starting a cult would be more fun.

Author:  Hussra [ Sun Apr 10, 2022 10:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Image

Charles Stanley, 8th Earl of Derby (January 19, 1628 – ???), an English nobleman was the only son of James Stanley, 7th Earl of Derby and Charlotte de la Tremoüille.

As Lord Strange, he took little part in the English Civil War.

In France at the time of his father's condemnment in 1651, he petitioned unsuccessfully for the latter's life.

After succeeding to the Earldom, he lived quietly at Bidston Hall, Cheshire, emerging to support Booth's unsuccessful rising in 1659. Attainted for so doing, he was restored the following year and the family's lands in the Isle of Man were returned to him.

He married Dorothea Helena Kirkhoven (d. 1674), daughter of Jehan, Lord of Heenvliet and his wife, Katherine (later Countess of Chesterfield) in 1650 and had two sons: William Stanley, 9th Earl of Derby (c. 1655–1702) James Stanley, 10th Earl of Derby (1664–1736).

Dorothea Helena Kirkhoven, wife of Charles Stanley the 8th Earl of Derby, had an extra marital liaison with King Charles II of England which resulted in a child. Their son George, born 1658, was raised by the wife of a Gunner at Windsor named Swan. George assumed the surname Swan.

The brother of Swan's wife, Bartholomew Gibson, was the king's farrier in Edinburgh. It would further appear that Gibson obtained, on trust for George Swan from Charles II or his brother the Duke of York, a grant of land in New Jersey, where Gibson's son died about 1750, as would appear from a notice in the London Chronicle in 1771. George Swan (1658 - 1730) was recognised by King Charles II as his son. When asked why he had not ennobled him, as he had his other illegitimate children, the king replied,"I did not dare to make a deuck (Scots for 'duck') of him, but I made a nobler bird".

Author:  Clawmaster [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 5:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Met a guy at work not too long ago, and it was snowing so we started talking about snowblowers, he pulled out his phone and showed me his collection of John Deere snow removal equipment, and what looked like a massive property. I asked him where he worked, as what he called a, "Worship Leader", which I gathered to mean he went around the Midwest helping to build and develop church followings. It looked to be quite a lucrative job.

He said the key was hiring people with music and production experience because the younger people will see it as more of a get together or party, which makes it easy to build the numbers you need to become profitable, it takes some time, but he felt his formula was successful because he had built up three over the past decade and was building another. His background was in music/theater, a nice dude, but not preachy, would put out feelers during conversation to see if you were a religious type, kind of like a salesman seeing if you had interest, did have at least on staff member I know he tried to sell on joining his new place.

Seems like almost anyone could do it provided you hire the right consultant.

Author:  Chet Coppock's Fur Coat [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

I have a former business acquaintance who went into a similar position when he retired from his government career, except he focuses on building evangelical communities in college campuses. I don't think at this point in his life he is doing it as a financial endeavor beyond health insurance until he hits Medicare age, just more of a mission type of thing.

Author:  Dr. Kenneth Noisewater [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Ogie Oglethorpe wrote:
I think starting a cult would be more fun.


Is there a difference?

I like cherry Kool-Aid. Just thought I'd mention it for no reason whatsoever.

Author:  RFDC [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Failed Nascar contest host.

Failed Podcast host.

Megachurch leader.

Seems correct :lol:

Author:  Dr. Kenneth Noisewater [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

RFDC wrote:
Failed Nascar contest host.

Failed Podcast host.

Megachurch leader.

Seems correct :lol:


I'm on a path.

Failed NASCAR contest? I want that money back then.

Podcast thing, I'll give you that. I recently listened to the JORR one. It was pretty funny.

Author:  good dolphin [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

I helped to establish the last, licensed gentleman's club in the city limits near a 10K seat megachurch. I've been to both and was impressed with neither.

Author:  RFDC [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater wrote:
RFDC wrote:
Failed Nascar contest host.

Failed Podcast host.

Megachurch leader.

Seems correct :lol:


I'm on a path.

Failed NASCAR contest? I want that money back then.

Podcast thing, I'll give you that. I recently listened to the JORR one. It was pretty funny.

Already asking for money, seems you are on the right path!

Can we do something like sacrifice a Purdue or Wisconsin fan every week in the Ken Temple?

Author:  Dr. Kenneth Noisewater [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

RFDC wrote:
Can we do something like sacrifice a Purdue or Wisconsin fan every week in the Ken Temple?


We can do anything. That's the whole point.

You can be my right-hand man that eventually kills me and makes for a great Dateline episode.

Author:  RFDC [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater wrote:
RFDC wrote:
Can we do something like sacrifice a Purdue or Wisconsin fan every week in the Ken Temple?


We can do anything. That's the whole point.

You can be my right-hand man that eventually kills me and makes for a great Dateline episode.

Image

Author:  Hussra [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater wrote:
RFDC wrote:
Can we do something like sacrifice a Purdue or Wisconsin fan every week in the Ken Temple?


We can do anything. That's the whole point.

You can be my right-hand man that eventually kills me and makes for a great Dateline episode.



collect up some photos you want highlighted during your Dateline episode and put in them in a folder on your computer labeled "DATELINE PHOTOS", or they will end up using the worst photos your no-good cousins can sell them.

Author:  Nas [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

good dolphin wrote:
I helped to establish the last, licensed gentleman's club in the city limits near a 10K seat megachurch. I've been to both and was impressed with neither.


Why do you hate Senator Meeks and The Factory?

I went to The Factory on a Friday years ago. They had women who had ankles the size of my head. I can't pay a premium to look at that shit.

Author:  Regular Reader [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 11:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater wrote:
Ogie Oglethorpe wrote:
I think starting a cult would be more fun.


Is there a difference?

I like cherry Kool-Aid. Just thought I'd mention it for no reason whatsoever.

Maybe you can take over the old Rose-Mizon ala Joel Osteen. I'm certain that it'd be better than anything else there in the last forty years.

Author:  Spaulding [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 11:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Image

Author:  Nas [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 12:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

It appears that the mega church bubble is going to pop soon. The boomers are dying and there aren't many young believers.

Author:  good dolphin [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 12:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Nas wrote:
It appears that the mega church bubble is going to pop soon. The boomers are dying and there aren't many young believers.


Osteen has morphed it from straight religion and faith healing to life coaching and prosperity theology. He is Tony Robbins with a bit of Buddy Christ thrown in.

That plays with the "spiritual but not religious" youth and they love that Jesus wants you to have a Lamgorghini.

Author:  Dr. Kenneth Noisewater [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 12:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Nas wrote:
there aren't many young believers.


That sounds like opportunity.

Wait 'til they get a load of me...
Image

Author:  BigW72 [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 1:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

They'll believe in something....the Megachurch is going to have the right message...
Image

Author:  Dr. Kenneth Noisewater [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 1:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

BigW72 wrote:
They'll believe in something....the Megachurch is going to have the right message...
Image


My sandwiches will have lettuce AND TOMATOES!!!

I call it the Dr. Ken LT sandwich.

Author:  Regular Reader [ Mon Apr 11, 2022 3:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater wrote:
BigW72 wrote:
They'll believe in something....the Megachurch is going to have the right message...
Image


My sandwiches will have lettuce AND TOMATOES!!!

I call it the Dr. Ken LT sandwich.

Somehow I think that Prophet Kanye has you beat. Probably charges $20 per packet of Kool Aid.

But what do I know, I don't particularly like tomatoes.

Author:  Clawmaster [ Tue Apr 12, 2022 5:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Nas wrote:
It appears that the mega church bubble is going to pop soon. The boomers are dying and there aren't many young believers.


Does seem like there always the places where the pastor is a young dude wearing a button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up that prances around with a headset mike like he's a Nascar pit crew member and his hot young wife that wears leather leggins under a long top.

Guess that gives young couples a little eye candy to look at while having their souls saved.

These places pop up all the time around here, are the hot place for young hipsters to go, and then you read about the pastor either getting caught skimming money or getting a little too aggressive while laying hands on a young female sinner or two.

It then seems that the young pastor types just move on to another city and start again after screwing up, kind of the school superintendent business plan.

Author:  sjboyd0137 [ Tue Apr 12, 2022 7:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I’m thinkin’ about starting a Megachurch

Ogie Oglethorpe wrote:
I think starting a cult would be more fun.

Isn't that just the same thing as a Megachurch? Or pretty much any church?

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