Neanderthals, our closest relatives, who split off from us some hundreds of thousands of years ago, had their own tools, but no known projectile weapons like arrows or spear-throwers. This may have been for cultural reasons, or, in the polite parlance of science, a result of cognitive limitations. I don't have to be polite, though. They saw us taking down tasty deer and elk from a safe distance with our extremely cool and useful archery, and still couldn't figure it out? That's big-time evolutionary loser behavior. Durr, I'm a Neanderthal, I'm going to keep poking my prey with a long sharp stick even though that guy over there is shooting them from far enough away that they don't even recognize him as a threat.

If you're a Neanderthal reader who takes offense to this characterization, you may register your outrage by emailing our complaint line. Oh wait. You can't email us, because you're probably too stupid to use email, and you're also extinct. Scoreboard!
As for you, human reader, the blood of geniuses flows through your veins. I think you should take a little victory lap this morning, for belonging to the only species that was smart enough to invent the bow and arrow, agriculture, and the Nintendo Switch.

Ah, but there's a coda to this story. Neanderthals didn't just disappear. Unless you're of sub-Saharan African descent, Neanderthal DNA makes up a few percentage points of your genome. That's right: We had sex with them. This might have been a tricky courtship, because they had a limited vocal range and certainly didn't speak the same language. So how'd it happen? Researchers are too busy to wonder, but maybe should, if we didn't impress hot Neanderthal babes with our sick archery skills. Maybe the bow and arrow helped us conquer the world and get laid.

I thought the balcks didn't have the Neanderthal genes.

I thought the balcks didn't have the Neanderthal genes.

I thought the balcks didn't have the Neanderthal genes.

If you're a Neanderthal reader

He only lasted like 2 episodes in MASH.

so who is actually a spear chucker?

so who is actually a spear chucker?

So, can we start pronouncing the "h" again in Neanderthal or do we have to keep saying it stupidly as "Neander-tall"?

"Incels" seems apt. Early man taking all their women is a hilarious discovery. I think nice shoes were probably involved in some way.

So, can we start pronouncing the "h" again in Neanderthal or do we have to keep saying it stupidly as "Neander-tall"?

They were tired of having sex with their first cousin. They wanted something new.

some people prefer the retro look

I'm just catching up to Beethoven pronounced without the t after a lifetime of rolling over Beethoven with the Beatles.

Everyone, actually we all started out as rock chuckers until we figured out that spears worked better.

We are all just an assemblage of carbon atoms, when we die those atoms are redistributed into something else more useful.

The other adaptations are due to us adapting into whatever was needed to survive at the time, kind of like a much less effective COVID virus because it takes much longer for us to adapt to our environment.