Someone over at Choose Chicago, the city’s tourism organization, got the bright idea to get Buddy Guy and the band Chicago—get it? get it?—together to record a “cool” new anthem to our fair city, to be played all over the world and get people to come here. They hipped it up by adding the lyrical masterminds in Umphrey’s McGee. The result, “Chicago,” is—well, it’s horrible. The A.V. Club dares anyone to even make it through the whole thing, below.

Why do we hate it so much? Let us count the reasons. Chicago (the band) just had to contribute stupid, blaring horns, didn’t it? The Umphrey’s lyrics sound like they were written by the winner of a middle school poetry contest. (If they were, that might make us like this more, especially if it was by the kid who got the shaft in the city sticker debacle.) More than anything, though, we wonder: Is this the song we want to represent our fair city? It’s retro at best, and says nothing about the vibrant, bustling, gritty metropolis we are now. Even the bands were a dumb choice to begin with. Chicago has infinitely better music than these three acts, period. If this song brings us the kinds of tourists who listen to this kind of music and enjoy it, then we shudder to think what that means for our summer.