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| Best Man https://mail.chicagofanatics.com/viewtopic.php?f=47&t=72479 |
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| Author: | Makaveli [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Best Man |
A friend of mine is getting married in a about 10 days and I've been asked to be the best man. I think I need to be asked one more time in order to win some prize. Problem is I'm torn about what to say. The expectation is for me to crack a few jokes and be silly but I'm thinking about switching it up. What have you done? What was the best you heard? |
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| Author: | Hank Scorpio [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
David "Dave" Veltri: [drunk] My brother Harold asked me to be the Best Man at his wedding. I was like [chuckles] of course, man. 'Cause you've always been there for me, when I was in rehab, and the time I couldn't find my car. It's Harold ya know, he's always been the dependable one. I've always been the screwed up one, right dad? [chuckles] Why can't you be more like your brother? Harold would never beat up his landlord! [laughing] Groomsman: [whispering to other Groomsman] He's drunk as shit. Dave: [laughs then coughs a little] But, uh newsflash pop, Harold ain't so perfect. [to Harold] Remember that time in Puerto Rico we picked up those two uh...I guess they were prostitutes, but I don't remember payin'. Robbie: [comes up on stage and grabs mike from Dave]Okay, how 'bout that! Yeah, terrific. Dave: I'm a person too Pop, goddammit! I'm a person too! Mr.Veltri: You're a moron! Robbie: The Best Man, everybody. Dave: The best man, the better man! [bangs cymbal] Aooooooow! Robbie: Uh, hey. We've all done crazy things in our life, so... [Robbie is interrupted when Dave picks up Robbie's guitar and starts strumming it.] He's playing the guitar now, isn't that great? You're doin' good. Dave: Yeah, sounds good? That's cause I'm the best guitar player in the wooorld! Yeaah! Self taught, no lessons. Thank you very much, Pop! [drunkenly stumbles offstage] They'll be divorced in a year! [crowd gasps] |
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| Author: | spmack [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
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| Author: | The Original Kid Cairo [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
I've never heard anything really creative or memorable. Usually the guy kinda tells a few amusing antecdotes, talks about the friendship with the groom, and wishes them both well. |
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| Author: | spmack [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
The Original Kid Cairo wrote: I've never heard anything really creative or memorable. Usually the guy kinda tells a few amusing antecdotes, talks about the friendship with the groom, and wishes them both well. Yep, and he brings up all of his ex girlfriends, especially the extra slutty ones. |
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| Author: | Makaveli [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Hank Scorpio wrote: David "Dave" Veltri: [drunk] My brother Harold asked me to be the Best Man at his wedding. I was like [chuckles] of course, man. 'Cause you've always been there for me, when I was in rehab, and the time I couldn't find my car. It's Harold ya know, he's always been the dependable one. I've always been the screwed up one, right dad? [chuckles] Why can't you be more like your brother? Harold would never beat up his landlord! [laughing] Groomsman: [whispering to other Groomsman] He's drunk as shit. Dave: [laughs then coughs a little] But, uh newsflash pop, Harold ain't so perfect. [to Harold] Remember that time in Puerto Rico we picked up those two uh...I guess they were prostitutes, but I don't remember payin'. Robbie: [comes up on stage and grabs mike from Dave]Okay, how 'bout that! Yeah, terrific. Dave: I'm a person too Pop, goddammit! I'm a person too! Mr.Veltri: You're a moron! Robbie: The Best Man, everybody. Dave: The best man, the better man! [bangs cymbal] Aooooooow! Robbie: Uh, hey. We've all done crazy things in our life, so... [Robbie is interrupted when Dave picks up Robbie's guitar and starts strumming it.] He's playing the guitar now, isn't that great? You're doin' good. Dave: Yeah, sounds good? That's cause I'm the best guitar player in the wooorld! Yeaah! Self taught, no lessons. Thank you very much, Pop! [drunkenly stumbles offstage] They'll be divorced in a year! [crowd gasps] 
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| Author: | The Original Kid Cairo [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
That cannot happen at my wedding. |
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| Author: | Makaveli [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
The Original Kid Cairo wrote: I've never heard anything really creative or memorable. Usually the guy kinda tells a few amusing antecdotes, talks about the friendship with the groom, and wishes them both well. I usually leave out stories the wife can't hear but I cover just about everything else. |
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| Author: | Hawg Ass [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Don't have sex with the bride to be, it ususally doesn't turn out well. |
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| Author: | Hank Scorpio [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Hawg Ass wrote: Don't have sex with the bride to be, it ususally doesn't turn out well. Can you name an example where it has? |
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| Author: | The Original Kid Cairo [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Hank Scorpio wrote: Hawg Ass wrote: Don't have sex with the bride to be, it ususally doesn't turn out well. Can you name an example where it has?
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| Author: | Makaveli [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Hawg Ass wrote: Don't have sex with the bride to be, it ususally doesn't turn out well. We're planning on allowing the groom to make that mistake but if something changes I'll let the class know. |
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| Author: | spmack [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Hank Scorpio wrote: Hawg Ass wrote: Don't have sex with the bride to be, it ususally doesn't turn out well. Can you name an example where it has? I guess you all didn't see the movie above that I referenced. Too Balck for you gentlemen? |
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| Author: | The Original Kid Cairo [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
spmack wrote: I guess you all didn't see the movie above that I referenced. Too Balck for you gentlemen? It was either Best Man, The Wood, or The Brothers... All of which are basically the same movie. |
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| Author: | Hank Scorpio [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
The Original Kid Cairo wrote: spmack wrote: I guess you all didn't see the movie above that I referenced. Too Balck for you gentlemen? It was either Best Man, The Wood, or The Brothers... All of which are basically the same movie. If it doesnt have Tyler Perry in drag then GTFO. |
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| Author: | spmack [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
The Original Kid Cairo wrote: spmack wrote: I guess you all didn't see the movie above that I referenced. Too Balck for you gentlemen? It was either Best Man, The Wood, or The Brothers... All of which are basically the same movie. I probably like The Wood the most out of those 3. |
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| Author: | Hawg Ass [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Hank Scorpio wrote: Hawg Ass wrote: Don't have sex with the bride to be, it ususally doesn't turn out well. Can you name an example where it has? Not for the groom, no. I always loved the story of the groom that found out that his best man and soon to be wife were getting it on. He carried on with the wedding and some how got pictures of them having sex. He placed the pictures underneath the seat of everybody in attendance in a envelope, then when he got up to speak he told them to look under their chairs for their presents. He then walked the fuck out. |
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| Author: | Krazy Ivan [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
The Original Kid Cairo wrote: spmack wrote: I guess you all didn't see the movie above that I referenced. Too Balck for you gentlemen? It was either Best Man, The Wood, or The Brothers... All of which are basically the same movie. Never speak ill of The Wood again. Excellent film... |
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| Author: | Makaveli [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
The joke was on him. |
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| Author: | Hawg Ass [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Makaveli wrote: The joke was on him. Kind of, but her parents were paying for the wedding. |
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| Author: | The Original Kid Cairo [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Makaveli wrote: The joke was on him. Pretty much. |
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| Author: | spmack [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
The Original Kid Cairo wrote: That cannot happen at my wedding. 
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| Author: | Makaveli [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Hawg Ass wrote: Makaveli wrote: The joke was on him. Kind of, but her parents were paying for the wedding. He was doing something only a best friend would do. If your wife to be will sleep with your best friend then she will sleep with anybody. Very selfless act. His friend should be thankful. |
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| Author: | Hawg Ass [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:11 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Makaveli wrote: Hawg Ass wrote: Makaveli wrote: The joke was on him. Kind of, but her parents were paying for the wedding. He was doing something only a best friend would do. If your wife to be will sleep with your best friend then she will sleep with anybody. Very selfless act. His friend should be thankful.
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| Author: | Makaveli [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Feel free to answer the question too. Keep in mind I'm a man I'm 30 |
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| Author: | The Original Kid Cairo [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
Makaveli wrote: If your wife to be will sleep with your best friend then she will sleep with anybody. Very selfless act. His friend should be thankful. I kinda agree, but as a best friend you kinda have the responsibility of telling your boy, "Hey look...your bitch wanna fuck me. You might wanna rethink marrying her." |
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| Author: | Krazy Ivan [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
I would suggest sticking to the normal format. The few times I've witnessed someone trying to be different or clever, it doesn't turn out so good... |
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| Author: | spmack [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
1. Start off with how you all became friends (unless you're related) 2. Tell a story about something you all did as kids (or young adults) that will make the people laugh. 3. Tell him that he outkicked his coverage (even if he really didn't), and that the woman is beautiful (even if she isn't). 4. Thank him for the honor. |
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| Author: | The Original Kid Cairo [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
spmack wrote: 3. Tell him that he outkicked his coverage (even if he really didn't), and that the woman is beautiful (even if she isn't).
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| Author: | Hawg Ass [ Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Best Man |
I can honestly say that I have never been the best man at a wedding. I can only offer you smart ass comments, sorry. |
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