Hi Kid!

Shaved or bush

Ask Peeps. He's seen it.

Jessica Burciaga or Halle Berry?

what's your favorite Bobby Brown song

There's been a zombie apocalypse and you are choking on a piece of squirrel meat. Your death is imminent and your survival instincts are too honed to allow yourself to die over petty grievances. You are confident in the knowledge that you are the only man that has the skill set to save the entire human race.

The only people around you that could provide the life-saving Heimlich Maneuver are Elmhurst Steve, cubbiegirl, and Tall Midget. Who do you run to confident that that person has the knowledge and ability to save your life?

Death is still a option, correct?

Kid,

I've managed to pull out with all of my GF's over the years without getting them pregnant. Is that just luck, skill, or is there something wrong with my kiddies?

There's been a zombie apocalypse and you are choking on a piece of squirrel meat. Your death is imminent and your survival instincts are too honed to allow yourself to die over petty grievances. You are confident in the knowledge that you are the only man that has the skill set to save the entire human race.

The only people around you that could provide the life-saving Heimlich Maneuver are Elmhurst Steve, cubbiegirl, and Tall Midget. Who do you run to confident that that person has the knowledge and ability to save your life?

Isn't this the Ask Kid Anything thread?

Ask Peeps. He's seen it.

True, but I'm not gonna help you do your bit.

Why don't you protect me when everyone is ganging up on me?

Wow. Okay.

- While I'm sure Midget is knowledgeable enough, I wouldn't allow him to urinate on me if I were on fire, so he's out.

- Knowing what we know about Steve, I'm sure saving my life would not be an option.

- That leaves Steph, who isn't the sharpest bulb in the drawer if you will (you won't), but in a strange way seems to have a kinder heart than the other two gentlemen.

I'd run to Cubbiegirlshamus.

My dearest internet best friend in the whole wide universe Kid Cairo,

I recently finished Baratunde Thurston's How to Be Black, a satirical commentary from the Onion editor. In it, Thurston explains how to be the "black employee", which includes the suggestion that black employees actually have two jobs:

- The actual job duties as explained in the job's description (i.e. the title listed on your business card, resume, etc.)
- To be the company's de facto expert on blackness (you must speak for all blacks, have opinions on anything Obama does, be the best dancer at the company holiday party, etc.)

Do you subscribe to this theory, and if so, do you feel it is best to embrace your dual job responsibilities with open arms or should this mentality stop now?

Your racially-curious yet pleasantly ignorant internet bestie,

Ugie

PS: I fully acknowledge the coincidence that in asking this question, I am indirectly treating you in the same manner a white employee may treat his black coworker, as described above. Please accept my apologies in advance.