brother RPB with the creepshot goodness! bring it!
but yeha those redboxes are awfully indecent. they're like the zombified remains of your shady local video store where there was a fucking artform to making your walk back to the porno room ASAP (friend's uncle owned a video store. he/we worked there. we used to love watching the guys come in and fake browse the super value IF YOU GIVE US $1 YOU CAN KEEP THIS GOD FORSAKEN VHS TAPE videos just because it was the most direct path to the porno room, where we set up fun and engaging sections like the EXERCISE, HOW-TO, AND EDUCATIONAL sections.
best time ever ended up being circa the turn of the millennium when some weird middleaged guy walks in with a bag and comes up t and he proceeds to unload his
brown paper bag full of porno videos that he intended to sell to us for dirt cheap. seriously we bought the bag of tapes for like $5 and there were something like 7-8 tapes and hey if they were rented even once they made the store a profit and ray's uncle liked that sort of thing, especially since we bullshitted enough first-time PROMO RENTALS to get $20-30 of free lunch/weed just about everytime we worked (....and we wonder why the chinese/robots are gonna get all our jobs)
out of all the tapes we got there was one without a cover, called ALL HANDS ON DICK. we assumed this to be a gay porn and ray decided to take a piece of comptuer paper and make a rudimentary cover with a sharpie of a giant cock and balls with a promise of "THE GREATEST HOMO HARDCORE OF THE CENTURY" and we even made up a few token fake awards. we put it back there in the EDUCATIONAL section, for sure.
so super bowl sunday circa 99-01 (we used to play soul blade for the PS1 on the tv there, so there's your time capsule year) some creepy looking middleaged dude with like 6 hairs in a desperate combover does the value-video-browse powerwalk to the porno room and stays back there for 5 mins, didn't use the bathroom (thank god) and comes up to us at the desk and matter of factly asks us HOW'S THE GAY PORN?!?!! we're like EXCUSE ME?!!?!? and he's like "WHAT TIME'S THE GAME ON?!?!!?" and we tell him it's at 5:30 or 6:30 or whatever, and then we try to hold our sides from blasting off into orbit as we realize that this was the guy that god chose to check out our award-winning EDUCATIONAL video, all hands on dick.
seriously i dont think there's a drug out there that could have distracted us from laughing our asses off at that one for a good 10-15mins.
and to think these fucking redboxes outside of walgreens absoltuely SHIT all over precious gems of 100% authentic americana like my TL;DR/pointless story here all for convenience so some whale in a moomoo doesnt have to deal with miscreants with us who happen to know BOTH how the gay porn is and what time the game's on. for shame america..... for shame.
incidentally, i bet that bitch gives great head. she prolly brags about it too..... if you listen.
_________________
Curious Hair wrote:
Les Grobstein's huge hog is proof that God has a sense of humor, isn't it?
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