Paddlin' the school canoe; oh you better believe that's a paddlin'.

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My Maserati does 186.

To alcohol!! The cause of… and solution too… all of life’s problems.

So its standardized testing time again. Ever notice how the dumb kids fill in the wrong circles?

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Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

In seventh grade I read Sammy Davis Jr's autobiography because it was mentioned on The Simpsons.

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At least that has some value. I bought a Doodletown Pipers CD (seriously).

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Mr. Trump is unfit for our nation’s highest office.- JD Vance
If you committed violence on that day, obviously, you shouldn’t be pardoned.- JD Vance on the J-6 insurrectionists

"...and we're back, with more of "People Who Look Like Things"

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'Your AT&T Universal Card has arrived'? Oh God, Kick-fucking-ass, I got a Master Card! I don't believe it, man. Life is kinda cool sometimes.

There’s no councilman Les Wynan!

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Oh Shakazaramesh, will you ever learn?

La...tex con...dome? Boy I'd like to live in one of those!

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I hope they kill that Iron Yuppie.

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Hey, if you don’t like it, go to Russia!

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Mr. Trump is unfit for our nation’s highest office.- JD Vance
If you committed violence on that day, obviously, you shouldn’t be pardoned.- JD Vance on the J-6 insurrectionists

I’m going outsiiide…tooo…stalk……Lenny and Carl.

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Homer, I’m sorry. There's nothing worse than a yellow-bellied freak.....unless that's his act.

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I am so sick of that damn code!

I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?

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A gun is not a weapon, Marge. It's a tool. Like a butcher knife, or a harpoon, or... uh, a... an alligator. You just need more education on the subject. Tell you what. You come with me to an N.R.A. meeting, and if you still don't think guns are great, we can argue some more.

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Marge, its 3am. Shouldn't you be baking?

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'Your AT&T Universal Card has arrived'? Oh God, Kick-fucking-ass, I got a Master Card! I don't believe it, man. Life is kinda cool sometimes.

Only who can prevent forest fires?

You pressed “you” referring to me. That’s incorrect. The correct answer is you.

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That one is an all-timer.

"Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
"Okay, Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"
"I don't know."

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"Nice plan, Bart!"

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"I think women and seamen don't mix."

(Too obvious of a quote, but . . . )

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“Uh, I lost my map.”

“You haven’t been issued a map yet.”

When my oldest was an infant learning to talk, she had the you/me confusion. I always thought that’s where the joke came from.

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The one Dr. Kevin quoted is probably my favorite of the second-string quotes. I say it to my wife and kids all the time.

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Who knows? I'm not exactly breaking new ground here, but so much of comedy is building up your expectations and then frustrating those expectations. That joke just does an absolutely brilliant job of doing it.

Oh it’s a brilliant joke.

I didn’t fully appreciate it til I had to explain to a 1yr old why you means me and me means you.

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"Uh excuse me you didn't answer me; you just trailed off."

"Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken of the Sea.'"

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