if you need a song to go with this, let's go with the song you hear when you enter the nightclub in Arnold's old movie "raw deal" >>>
https://youtu.be/tSNWeXGZMcUSo cutler gets traded here for a king's ransom and is like "cool, Josh McDaniels sucks anyways these guys clearly want me let's do this" --- FIRST PROBLEM, lovie has daddied the defense so much they're (mainly urlacher/briggs) threatened by any star/stud offensive player who comes in because it's THEIR TEAM dammit. Ask Cedric Benson. Didn't he get taped to a goalpost? Ced seemed like a sensitive dude who knows how to hsve a good time on a boat, but he's getting fucked with by them like WTF and I'm sure he mentally checked out to an extent and hey that all manifested in a super bowl fumble like GOOD JOB KILLING HIS CONFIDENCE GUYS!!!!
so anyways cutler gets here and you know urlacher and briggs and pals are all like OH HELL NO THIS FUCKER AINT TAKING OVER OUR TEAM so who knows what they do to him, I'm sure there's stories I don't know but odds are they figure if it worked on Ced it will work on Jay. So a 7-9 season with Ron Turner ensues and then Lovie owes his old boss a favor so he's the only guy in the league that will hire antiquated dinosaur (don coryelle style yo) Mike Martz.
Martz gets a load of cutler and decides to knock this kid down a peg so he purports to start a campaign against cutler's best friend on the team, g-reg olsen, cuz he can't block (but manumaneuseless can) so he runs olsen, a shoulda-been lifelong bear / pillar of the community, out of town to make a point to Jay that HE HAS POWER OVER HIM.
despite that, 2011 was shaping up to be another year with a super bowl run despite busted ass Roy Williams (the guy whose #1 most memorable moment was being down 27-0 to the bears in 2006 getting a first down at midfield snd making an emphatic first down gesture) being the bears best / only WR. but in that San diego game he broke his thumb defending a late meaningless INT (see? The guy tried but hey body language experts know better. He's not a leader. It's not like urlacher and briggs beat leadership out of him when he got here by cutting his balls off, nope, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LEAD BOY, EVEN THO EVERYONE WITH ARBITRARY/POWER OVER YOU WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO SAY LOL UR NEVER LEADING SHIT... BUT ITS STILL YOUR FAULT YOU SHITTY LEADER!!!")
At least there's that one bit where they have audio of cutler going off the field like TELL MARTZ TO FUCK OFF!!!! how bout that timeout/end-around against the packers in the NFC championship game, eh? #smartestguyintheroom
Ahem. So yeah you know trestman shows up and that first year was glorious. The offense was unstoppable right out of the gate, it would get figured out in the 2nd quarter, then by the third quarter trestman would adjust to the adjustments and we'd be rolling again. 30ppg. And even tho cutler was getting killed with sacks earlier (remember that SNF/MNF game against the giants where the first half was a game of smear the queer til cutthead went out concussed?) and the dude got hurt and came back to mccownpalooza, he still got the bears in position to win and get in in week 17 against the packers at soldier Field. Nevermind that weird first half play where there was a dead ball on the field, refs never blew the whistle cuz ??? So a packer eventually picks it up and runs it in for a TD... How about on the packers game winning drive where Aaron Rodgers got to hike the ball on 3rd and Kong from the GB 25 like 2 seconds after the play clock expired? Ask Les, he remembers it. What the fuck?
The defense failed in 2014 (as the trestman experiment was if "veteran leadership" could hold the defense together an offense only coach could do good things. Welp that defense fell apart, trestman fell apart, and in 2015 accorsi hires fox, who at least can get real coordinators, so ga$e and cutler vibe and cutler has his best all around year in Chicago and the arrow is pointing up going into 2016. So of course ga$e goes to coach Miami and he's replaced by Darrell loggaints (the bullet Bob babbich of offense) who is basically the anti-trestman in that once the opponent's figure out his game plan in the 2nd/3rd quarter he cant adjust back in the 2H so like, that opening Texans game = after a key alshon drop on 3rd down at midfield with the bears moving and clinging to a 14-13 lead, there wasn't shit else happening for the rest of that game cuz loggaints was figured out. Next week vs Philly on MNF same thing, bears leading in the 2Q and loggaints gets figured out, Jay knows it, so he tries forcing shit and throws an INT and rah rah rah blah blah blah he gets hurt and then you know the organization decides to throw him under the bus and blame everything on Jay Cutler. It's all his fault dammit!
Btw Jay got his old best friend Brandon Marshall on the bears, but after 3 productive years of a #1 WR the bears got sick of a real motherfucker who WILL bust a bottle over your head if you fuck with his bitch at the club, or the worst sin of all: Flying out to NYC to do TV, so they had their boy Bernstein grease the skids to run him out of town for nothing, even tho it was patently obvious alshon was enjoying thriving as a #2 WR and all of a sudden it was like "you're the man now dog" but even alshon was like "dude how the hell could you get rid of Brandon Marshall for nothing? Y'all retarded I want out of here" and we'll, c'est la vie.
So basically if you were Jay cutler's BFF on the bears you weren't going to be around long because goddammit Jay has no leadership. Bad body language. Let's analyze his press conferences. When the defense was good he had no offensive help. When he had offensive help to the tune of 30ppg the defense gave up 31ppg. And then after taking away all of his people it's like FUCK YOU, ITS YOUR FAULT WE SUCKED.
kinda makes you wanna light up a cigarette marry a reality star and say "fuck it I'm rich... WGAF" right?
_________________
Curious Hair wrote:
Les Grobstein's huge hog is proof that God has a sense of humor, isn't it?
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