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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls chained to furnaces, welcome once again, to the new Chicago Fanatics Douchebag of the Week poll! <mild applause> .
Now it's been a long time since we last chatted here. Many interesting things have happened. MANY! <light boos>. Stifle it, Edith, this is a good thing! We all have a new home, and the it's... a bit more stable around here.
Anyway, let us go over how this works a bit. Sort of a refresher course.
Each week, you will nominate your douchebags. Based on a proprietary formula known only to me, I will choose several of the nominations to include in the week's poll. The poll will most likely appear on Saturday nights. Unless, like stuff. Stuff. <light boos> Hey chill out fuckers I'm trying here. Moving on... every 13 weeks, the weeks winners will face off in a quarterfinal. The top two douchebags move on to the final at the end of the douchebag fiscal year. Then the final 8 showdown in the final. Then we pick our Douchebag of the Year! <thundering applause, some one screaming "DARKO I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY"> Ok, chill out guys, spaulding call me in a bit, I'm kinda busy at the moment.
This year's Douchebag of the year will have the honor of having the following year's award named after him. So he's got that going for him. Which is nice.
So now, after a long wait... here are your DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK NOMINEES! <insane applause, a loud belch from the direction of WWN>
Derrick Rose: After a long and welcome absence, Ugie returns with enough fahr and passhun to nominate former MVP Derrick Rose. The problem seems to stem from his refusal to recruit players to play for the Bulls and his recent willingness to recruit for the Knicks. Jimmy noticed that Rose is out running around NY at 1am instead of preparing for the PTA meetings, which is bothersome to nobody but Jimmy. Rose started off this Knicks career in superb fashion, swearing at stuttering his way thru his presser, so MANY are still rooting for the guy, but... is he really a douchebag?
Ticketmaster: Spanky nominated Ticketmaster because once they lost their lawsuit, they were forced to give away free vouchers but they were impossible to use and were for shows no one wants to see. Except Spanky. Anyway the ticket vouchers don't work, or they do, maybe they are for out of state, maybe they're for some weird shit like Prophets of Pope fuckers or whatever it is that Spanky blew a cum bubble over. So they lost a suit but gave a big old fuck you to the people that won their suit, which is to be expected but does that make them douchebags?
Weather People: Beardown made what is most likely the very worst timed douchebag nomination of all time. He nominated weather forecasters for calling for a big storm when none was happening. Within about 30 minutes of this post, tornados and damaging winds and floodwaters raged over the forecast area, causing widespread damage and destruction. I included this nomination in this weeks poll as a cautionary tale... not that you shouldn't believe the weather forecasters or disregard their warnings, no... that beardown is dangerously full of crap and possibly a serial killer.
Cleveland Fans: Now here's a great nomination, possibly a glorious Who Ya Crappin for the B&B show too. Cleveland Fans burned LeBron jerseys and cursed his name, and now Terry's Peeps noticed that they're all ready to gulp down some of his DNA now that he's won a championship. I mean, basketball blows. And Cleveland blows, so really if someone set off a dirty bomb there and irradiated the whole damn area... well... nevermind probably no one would really notice. Forget the whole doggone thing.
Bigfan: Bigfan was ready to just set fire to the whole... fucking... thing. And he tried too, I guess. He banned, he burned, he deleted, altered, folded, spindled, and mutilated posts. He manipulated, he edited, he... bought drinks. He brought us together. He gave our voices a place to be heard. He called my friends jerks, he tried to turn us against each other. Something happened to the man out in the dry desert air, and Chus nominated him for it. I don't know what it was but it's... weird. And, as a result, we almost lost the place. So... there's some mixed emotions here, but is it possible that he is the first douchebag of the week in the new era?
People who violate your space @ Walgreens register/checkout: Nominated by the king of brevity, sinicalypse.
Ladies and gentlemen, these are your nominees for week one. Vote, tell your friends to vote, get your stupid friends to vote, and get your dead relatives to vote, hell get your mults to vote. We have a duty to identify and shame these douchebags. Get to work people, and give us our 2016-7 DOUCHEBAG OF THE YEAR!
_________________ "Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014 bigfan wrote: Many that is true, but an incomplete statement.
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