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good thing she didn't say Cairo and you started right in on the lynchings....

Usually just knowing how to properly pronounce Cairo is good enough to get you respect.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

When I tell people where I work they assume I fall into one of two categories. I'm either an obscenely rich trader or a runner making minimum wage


As if there is nothing inbetween


My job is kinda interesting to people so if I want to talk to them I open up, if not I just say I work in an office for a food company

Latex

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Host of the weekly "We Fish ASA" podcast
Weekly columnist for the Northwest Herald
Bi-monthly columnist for Illinois Outdoor News magazine
Former host of The Outdoors Experience on WIND and The Great Outdoors on CLTV
http://www.wefishasa.com

What do you do for a living?
Sarley: i'm the Chaunce's bitch

Joe, if that is your real name, the question does matter, at least when I ask it in conversation. The answer leads to the next step of whether I am going to be working you as a potential client. You are in sales. You know this.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Sarley is still an all-time good sport about that

But man if Chaunce knew about that Sparky thing....

Don't say that. Being a stay at home mother is a full time job with 24 hour duty.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Baby weight?

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

I rarely talk about my job. It almost immediately devolves into esoterica and either people's eyes glaze over or they cannot hear what I am saying if it is a noisy crowd.

The keys to being a conversationalist are to know that there is nothing sweeter for a person to hear than their own name and the sound of their own voice. Direct the conversation with a couple of sentences and even the biggest wallflower will be talking.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Here's some wonderful icebreaker questions:

What was your high school?
What is your favorite pet's name?
What is your mother's maiden name?
What was your first car
Who was the best man at your wedding?



And now you're ready to get into their bank and credit card accounts online.

You're welcome.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Ive only met you both once and you're both married with families BUT to my eye, you 2 kids seemed to have some chemistry going on. You'd make a nice couple. Seriously.

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

Agreed.

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You know me like that.

You stole that from Les Miserables dude.

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

I have two answers depending on the situation:

1. I explain exactly what I do and watch their eyes gloss over.

2. I tell them I install cable tv.

Either way if they are smart enough to figure out something the conversation goes on.

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Elections have consequences.

It's a pleasantry I will engage in, whatever.

Still not as bad as "Dude, my fantasy team got KILLED this weekend....."

Ha, I was just saying to my wife, I wish someone would ask me what I do. Every asshole here is talking about his fantasy team.

_________________
Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

Ha, I was just saying to my wife, I wish someone would ask me what I do. Every asshole here is talking about his fantasy team.

_________________
Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

Oh its fuck with pittmike night lol

_________________
Elections have consequences.

I had my 10yr high school reunion in 2008 and in lieu of getting the 50+ "so what do you for a living, jim?" i'd respond breathe/eat/shit/shower/sleep/fuck. they'd invariably go "huh?" and that's when i told them the truth: "i found out that i had a trust fund when i was 21.... it turns out my family is actually part of a beer empire that formally peaked in the 30s-40s and blah blah blah blah blah" which was suitably awesome cuz everyone was dressing to impress and there i was with a super saiyajin blonde jewfro in a COKEHEAD GANGLAND (styled like a motorhead shirt) la coka nostra shirt just taking the piss out of everyone and everything. it was glorious.

usually when i'm going out on the town with some friends i ask them to think up a profession/life-story for me to espouse in the hopes of testing my improv abilities. the hardest one i had to pull off was being a gay pornstar, cuz being criminally undersexed relative to my contemporaries = i'm still childlike and innocent/pure/naive/etc so i've got that childish OOOOH BIG DEAL mantra with sex/uality, so pretending you're a gay pornstar means you gotta let go of all of your insecurites and doubts and just let it rip..... kind of like freestyle rapping lately.

the other fun request i got was saying that i was god/jesus/etc.... it was @ the nisei lounge i think, and it just so happened that whilst i was outside smoking some ppl were doing some street interviews for a late night sketch comedy troupe thing so my friends were like "you gotta do this.... remember who you are tonight" so i had to calmly be interviewed under the pretense that they were interviewing god..... so who knows, maybe there's a few people out there who ended up seeing the footage and would recognize me on the street as god/jesus/etc.... it's quite possible.

either way, it's much much much better than saying i'm a part time computer mercenary and a part time ace-up-the-sleeve gen-office/data-entry temp worker. so in the spirit of that, JORR, have your wife pick out some random professions/life-stories and challenge yourself to act them out @ these various parties, that is, unless she's a stickler for her friends/family/coworkers/peoples not thinking you're an aloof dadaist weirdo =D

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A chick named Jennifer asked me the question and my wife burst out laughing. Jennifer looked puzzled and asked why she was laughing. My wife said, "Because I never know how he's going to answer that question."

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

I asked a couple people where they were from last night and I think they were confused. I'm sure as shit not going to say what do you love? That sounds dumb.

What was so confusing about "Where are you from?" I assume you weren't at a Mensa meeting.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

I am pro-"Where are you from?" Like JORR, if you're from anywhere Chicago/Suburbs, I've probably got enough material to hold a conversation until it turns to a more interesting topic. If I ask what you do and you're in IT or something, tumbleweeds will roll. With the ladies, I prefer "How old are you?"

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

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Sounds like she was at a North Downers holiday party.

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I usually start off with, "How good do I look?" And I'll tell them to be truthful because we already know.

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You know me like that.

It's bad and no one even gives a shit about anyone's fantasy team besides their own yet it's a primary topic for conversation and conversation starters with friends and total strangers.

I want to jump out of a window when some one I just met at my wife's office Christmas party tells me about how Jamaal Charles sucks because he got 2 TD's instead of the 4 that he needed to win he week.