Only a true dip-shit writes a 5 page article on David Fucking Kaplan
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/br ... story.html

The opening line to that article! Classic.


SPARKLES

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Hawaii (fuck) You

This whole intro, may as well have been written by the mult


What's up, Sparkles?"

The voice comes booming from the shadows, full of energy.

"Are you ready for this?"

It's a warning almost as much as a question.

David Kaplan ducks under his half-opened garage door and struts into his driveway, bounding into his morning like a puppy let off the leash at the beach. He can't wait to get going.

Just like that, he is in the driver's seat of his black Range Rover, headed downtown. Naturally, the Kapman's foot is on the accelerator.

He twists open a bottle of pink juice: Bai Antioxidant Infusion, kula watermelon flavor. This, he announces, is his daily tonic.

He tells a quick story — just because — this one about the time he persuaded Patrick Ewing to sign a trading-card deal with Star Pics.

Kaplan cruises down the Edens Expressway and turns down the radio. Arguably the most prominent voice in Chicago sports broadcasting, he repeats his daily mantra.

"You've got to love the process," Kaplan says. "Love the process. People around me will hear that all the time. Love. The. Process. Every day. To me, it's all about trying to be better tomorrow than I was today. That drives me."

Already, the Kapman is at full tilt.

Why would you write a article on this dick head? His radio show sucks, he kisses Cub ass, and his postgame show is a trainwreck.

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Fuck Edwards and Zobrist

He's Chicago's version of Jim Rome!

Kap is awesome . You guys are nuts .

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

Im just discovering the goldmine of unintentional comedy that IS Dave Kaplan


Watching a Cubs post a few weeks ago DeJesus was telling a game story and Kap countered with a H.S. baseball game he saw where the CF was looking at a girl in the crowd and missed a ball to lose the game and other team went downstate.


It was way less plausible than Laurence on the Expos. Good stuff.

Another Range Rover driver.

Kapman is modern Chet: Hysterically self unaware; Brown noser who entered the business to make friends with players; Mouth full of words signifying nothing

All he needs is the fur coat

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Way closer to Rome. He is a Clone.