Good morning CSFMB. It’s Friday and it’s time to vote for some douchebags.

Last week, we awarded “Any bastard who posts PM’s”, which really is only one guy. So congratulations to the nameless person who posts PM’s. You’re entered into the quarterly semifinals, and you have a shot at winning the Former Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich Douchebag of the Year award. Awesome Sauce.
This week, we’ve got:

CLINTONS: You can probably tell by the all caps and general incoherence of the post that it was from BigFan. He’s calling out the Clintons for spending $3 million on Chelsea’s wedding when there are babies starving in Japan. I couldn’t tell if this was an “ill gotten gains” nomination, or a “Button 48” nomination or what, but I assume it was for the over the top spending. Some might be happy they’ve put 3 million back into the economy. Others see a lot of “Hey look at me”. We report. You decide.

BIKE COP: All caps. Incoherent. BigFan. Biggie asked if he could park legally in an area, and the bike cop said yeah, but when the cop spotted BigFan’s expired plates, he wrote him a ticket for it. When he said “Thanks Buddy”, the cop wrote him another ticket for parking in an area he previously said he could park in. So, did Bigfan really say “Thanks Buddy”? Did he forget to bribe the cop? Did the cop check his tread? This thread devolved into some interesting Seacrest Asshattery, so it’s also worth a click for that.

Brett “Sexting” Favre: Ugueth Will Shiv You nominated Brent Faver for sending pictures of his junk to a potential DNA recipient. While wearing Crocs. Lookin like a fool with his pants on the ground. While Brent Faver had been nominated for his Pantheresque attention whoring and GayDiva bullshit he pulls each year about this time, this is the first time he’s been nominated for Salisburying an unfortunate lady. Is he a douchebag for literally penning a dick picture or is he just doing what guys do?

Woman with her four kids in first class: This was a nomination from C_Howitt_Fealz that accused a woman with her four kids of being douchebags because she had four kids that pretty much do what kids do. I guess a kid had to pee and that’s wrong. And they wanted cereal which is straight up evil. It’s a good thing that he’s in Global Entry, so he doesn’t have to deal with these evil travelers who have the gall to put their family on a plane with them during customs. Because they are so evil for having to pee. And for getting hungry. Evil fucks.

Jimmy Johns and the Bermuda Triangle of Naperville: immessedup17 nominated Jimmy Johns because they offer Subs so fast you’ll freak unless there’s another Jimmy Johns in the area in which case they’ll offer excuses so fast you’ll freak. It seems theres three within 10 minutes of his office, and while there’s no particularly good explanation why someone would have food delivered when the shop is less than 10 minutes away, we’ll assume he has no feet. Anyway, is JJ a douchebag for not delivering and/or not understanding their delivery area? You decide!

Well folks there’s your nominees this week! Pick the biggest douche out of the mix! Thanks!

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

What about the ice cream truck driver??

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Go Cubs!!!!

Nomination denied. Not an actual douchebag action. The "kid" (who looked like he was about 24 years old, 5'10" and about 210) walked directly into traffic.
Would you like to file an official complaint for this week's poll?

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

So failing to stop or maneuver a vehicle so as to avoid striking a pedestrian, is not a problem? The guy deserved it, for wandering into the street?

Just surprised it didn't make the list.

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Go Cubs!!!!

Are you actually under the impression from what you saw there that the driver was at fault?
Steve, I certainly question your judgement on that.
If this is an attempt at stirring the pot, I'm not interested. The poll is what it is. Take it, or leave it.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Pretty weak batch.

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Try eating Oysters.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Write In Vote: MADDUX BOY

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

I think the guy wandering into traffic has to shoulder some blame, certainly. However, I think if I were driving and a young black male was dancing into my traffic path......never mind

Seriously-I think I would try to go around him and if the other lane of traffic was not open, stop if necessary.

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Go Cubs!!!!

He wasnt just accidentally "wandering" out into the street. He intentionally dances out into a street full of traffic. He is an idiot.

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

What if you didn't have enough tire tread to stop from hitting the "young black male was dancing into (your) traffic path?"

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So you DO have feet. That is a relief.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Write in CHF for his travails in the priority line and first class

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You don't need to write it in when it's an option.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Hoooooaaaaaa!

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-"God is great. Beer is good. And People are crazy!"

I check my tire tred regularly. Allows me to revisit the past and ensures I am travelling America's roadways safely.

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Go Cubs!!!!

That would explain my affinity for the number 10, my diabetes, and my penchant to want to park in the handicapped spots then ...

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

Can someone guest host Friday's poll by any chance?
I'll be out doing yardwork all day.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

You've read the poll. You know what to do.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

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What the hell happened?
Thought you had my back, Joey.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

I'm guessing he is still waiting on the instructions

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You never miss your wealth, till your well went dry
Seem like only yesterday, you were here smiling
Now you gone away, but I know you in a better place
No traces of you, what can I do?
Alone and confused

And the only prescription is more cowbell!

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