Ladies and Gentlemen of the CSFMB, it’s Friday and it’s time to vote for some douchebags!
But first, a moment to celebrate our 3rd Quarter Semifinals Winners. These four Douchebags will go to the Former Governor Rod R. Blagojevich Douchebag of the Year Finals, which will be held in just 13 short weeks. Can you believe it’s coming up this quickly? I know right?

These are your 3rd quarter Finalist:
BigFan, Keeping Score, LeBron James, and CSFMB.
Amazing how three Board entities are involved in a competition in which no board members are eligible. Maybe the rules have changed? Who knows, it’s been psycho board month anyway and no one knows what the rules are, so take off your pants, flick your bic (to light a bowl), sit back, and vote for this week’s Douchebag! Here are your nominees:

David Green: (IL) University Academic Professor: Nominated by Don Tiny for complaining about 9/11 style tributes, calling such things politicization, militarism, propaganda, and bellicosity. What a jerk. Yeah, I can see how remembrance of 3500 lives lost in a national tragedy can be cumbersome to people without souls. He even managed to make this a racial issue too. What a turd.

Aging Process: We’re all getting older. Things take longer, stuff hurts. Mr. Belvidere noted all his aging issues: yelling at the kids in the yard, shoulder pain, half workie wankie. But there’s benefits to getting older too, right? I mean, we fuck longer. And no one questions us when we buy spray paint. And it’s nice to buy booze without having to shoulder tap. But getting old sucks too, look what it’s done to Mr. Reason, he’s a curmudgeonly, crazy, demented nutball. But we love that. Does the Aging Process deserve a nod? Your call, y’old fart.

Dairy Queen: No, this isn’t about Kid Cairo starting a milk farm, this is about the not so Dairy ice cream chain making craptacular sundaes. Badrogue17 tells us that he had to pay extra for his sundae if he wanted whipped cream and a cherry, which he could have gotten for free at Kid Cairo’s dairy farm if he was willing to “walk on the wild side”. Maybe not that free after all. Anyhow, DQ does suck. And they don’t hire hot chicks anymore.

The board: Let me start by saying I love me some Woodridge Ryan. But goddamn if this nomination doesn’t come up way too much lately. That’s right. He nominated you. He nominated me. Everyone who reads this unless you name is Coast and Reason, the boards’ only centurions, because he says you are the problem. Why are we nominated, you ask? Your cliques (which don’t really exist), the silent protest (which didn’t exist), the rule prohibiting nomination of board members (which doesn’t exist), and something about a Roger Goddell attitude (which no one knows what he’s talking about). So. If the board is whatever he’s talking about, vote!

New York: Boilermaker Rick does not like you. Your pizza sucks, your car licensing laws suck, your windshield wiper prices suck. Your football teams suck. Your weather sucks. Even Boilermaker’s presence cannot pierce the noxious cloud of suck that encompasses your city. But then again, who the hell is Boilermaker Rick? Is he that awesome that the 10 million people around him suck by comparison? Maybe he's the one who is sucky. If you think NY sucks… vote here.

Linsay Lohan: A couple things here I’d like to point out. I don’t change the spelling of the nominations. chaspoppcap's nomination was accurately represented. And coke is a helluva drug! Lindsay had failed a couple drug tests, reportedly testing positive for amphetamines and cocaine. Again. And she’s gone to jail. Again. Her release, however, did not spawn an outbreak of Italian Female stalking posts. Lindsay doesn’t seem to be taking this very seriously, and she is a bit of a weasel. But does she deserve to be douchebagged because she is a slave to her addictions?

People who Constantly Complain About “The Board”: The Original Kid Cairo fights complaints by… complaining. Yes, the old fight fire with fire routine. He says that if you don’t like the board, change it by posting better. Which is pretty much 100% the opposite of what he did. We here at the DBOTW home office agree that the board has gotten a little ridiculous lately, what with the deletions, the bans, the protests and sit-outs. And complaining is what Americans do best. Are we not free to express displeasure or is it incumbent upon us to change this place for the better according to Cairo’s standards? Your call, Chicago!

Braylon Edwards: This nomination from Urlacher’s missing neck was in reference to the DUI charges from last week. He apparently blew a .16 so it wasn’t a big mistake to haul him in or anything. There’s pictures of him drinking just before he left. Then, he only gets held out of one goddamn play. Just a single play. Some harsh punishment. Word around the DBOTW offices seems to be that this is exactly the kind of nomination that this section should be all about, so think it over and give it a click if you agree.

Comedian George Lopez: George Lopez’s wife gave him a kidney 5 years ago, to keep him alive, and now he’s asking for a divorce, and this, according to jimmypasta, is douchebaggery. All reports are that the split was amicable. So is jimmy’s nomination silly? Is this just two folks realizing they want something different? Or is Geroge Lopez an organ harvesting fiend intent on dramatically shortening the life of a woman he intends to throw to the curb?

Me Again II: Bigfan nominated himself because no one else has nominated him. I guess he feels the need to fuel a rivalry that really doesn’t exist. Or maybe… people are scared. Posters fear being sent to Siberia, or worse, the Gulag for speaking out. And maybe this is all a trap. Maybe he wants you to speak out. Maybe that’s been the plan all along, so he can identity you, and get his shears… and then…

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Can I change my vote?

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What now?



Write ins not allowed. If you feel the need to write someone in, you should have nominated them.
Gotta pass the primary pal.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

I wanted both votes for Biggie.

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I'm going to miss you. Text me from the gulag?

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

If Bigs permanently prunes me, I'll come back As Goldendomer 2.0

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Panther already has that title

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Now see that's a one liner that Woodridge Ryan would approve of.

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I thought board members weren't eligible? Or is that only singularly?

Times, and Bigfans mood, change quickly my friend.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

The majority of Gulag camps were positioned in extremely remote areas of north-eastern Siberia, Mr. Redundant-side.

Also, is there a minimum percentage of racial overtones necessary to vote for Braylon Edwards?

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

My friend, one can be sent to Illinois, and that be punishment, but it would be moreso if they were placed into Marion Penitentiary, would it not?

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Dudes.

Dudes, I'm just sitting here trying to have some fun with this thing. It's nothing more than a joke, you know that right, guys? I mean, I just sit here and drink my coffee and write some stupid shit about some of your silly ass posts. I'm not tryin to spend more than 40 minutes on it any given week.
There's no real prizes.
No one should really want to win.
So let me just go over the rules again right quick.

1) I make the rules.
2) No whining.

That covers rules. Some of you have been breaking number 2. That is an important rule.
Now for a few simple guidelines:
Eligibility tends to be Friday to Friday. So any nominations today would appear on next week's poll. I tend to ignore threads that didn't hit at least 15-20 replies, but a good one with few replies might make it. Really, the success of a nomination depends on the community. If no one replies, it's not worth summarizing most likely. I'm ignoring threads about board bullshit right now. Or at least trying to. Unless I found it funny.
For the time being I enjoy doing DBOTW. Seems like you guys do too for the most part. We can enjoy each other!
So don't ask me about your post. It probably stunk. Or I didn't see it for whatever reason. Or I didn't read it.
Again guys it's just for fun here. Take it all a little less.... seriously.
Thank you!

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Depends on where you live now. For example, you might be an Elmhurst native currently stuck in Maywood ... what then?

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

Just to make a point that I don't ban people as often as some might think

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

Cool story, bro.