Ladies, gentlemen... it's Friday. It's time to vote for some Douchebags.
For those of you who are new to Douchebag of the Week, we will examine Douchebag nominations going back exactly one week, so the week eligibility is Friday to Friday. We here at the Douchebag of the Week Home Office will review the week’s nominations and will consider them for the vote based on the following qualifications:
1. Number of “secants”
2. Number of views/replies
3. The personal opinion of the officials at the DBOTW home office.
Each week, we will elect one douchebag. Every 13 weeks, we will have a quarterfinal in which the top 3 douchebags of the quarter will be elected. These quarterfinalists will compete at the conclusion of the season for the glorious “Former Governor Rod R. Blagojevich Douchebag of the Year”. Quite an honor.
And now, without further ado, here are your Week 1 Nominees!
Ban Supporters: This thread was “sparked” by a recent banning of esteemed member Douchebag for his post in the Bigfan Bears score contest thread. rogers park bryan began his nomination by saying that if you support the banning, then you are less of a poster for it. This did evolve into a referendum on whether gif posts are a valid form of personal expression. While we all argue and talk crazy shit to each other, we never seemed to need to shut anyone out until recently. Are the people who support these bans douchebags, or are they cleaning up the site? Your call!
Bizarro Facebook chick: Submitted for your approval by Darkside, the BFC is nearly impossible to understand, suburban ghetto, mean and somewhat evil all rolled into one. Her posts are usually calling out unknown assailants for doing things to her like changing her air pressure in her vehicles tires and berating boyfriends for 10 years ago. Facebook has become a dumping ground of douchebaggery, to be sure, but is this a little over the top?
Women who don’t think they need a man in their life: Whenever you get a submission from cubbiesgirlshamus, you know that it’s going to be good. Like crazy, angry, misdirected, hostile, venomous, irresponsible, misguided, uneducated, with little to no research and generally no actual point, but they’re good. This one is about women who don’t think they need a man to help them raise kids. She says that if you don’t have a father, or father figure, you’ll end up some kind of killer or murderer or gay or a Sox fan. Is a father figure really that important? Can’t a woman instill good solid values in a child without a man? Or is thinking she can do it all a sign of the douchebag?
Dez Clark!: A very, very rare non capitalized Bigfan nomination. Golly. Well, this was originally about Clark’s comments that defended the Bears O-Line, but, as threads at CSFMB tend to do, it devolved into a real corker of an argument between resident expert-in-everything IMU and Bigfan. It was pretty hilarious to watch two guys argue the same point from the same side. Worth a read. But the real question was “is Dez a Douche for saying that it’s ‘impossible’ to know who had which assignments on the o-line?” Your call Chicago!
Lazy Dog Owners: FavreFan stepped in it. Literally. Goddamn neighbor lets his dog shit in the common areas and doesn’t clean it up. The thread generated some fantastic ideas of how to resolve the situation passive aggressively, such as placing the poop on a doorstep, or smeared on the door. And a bizarre recommendation from redskingreg that he mail them public hair. I can’t imagine that working, and I wonder how often this strategy has been used by Greg… anyway, if someone doesn’t clean up the dog dirt, doesn’t that make them a douchebag?
State of Georgia Pardon and Parole Board: This is a nomination from Terry’s Peeps that deals with the unfortunate issue of Troy Davis, a death row inmate whose execution was carried out despite some evidence being available that could have either afforded him appeals. Some said it had already been reviewed, appealed, and protested. Naturally some felt the need to discuss the overall effectiveness of the Death Penalty in general, so possibly even in death the inmate may have helped others. But it all started with the parole board… so if they’re douchebags let em have it here.
Well fellow message board cretins, there are your nominees for the week.
Choose. And choose wisely.
