i thought your name was Joe?

I'm bracing myself to hear this goddamn small talk bullshit question countless times as my wife drags me to party after party throughout the holiday season. Who cares? If you're gonna talk about what you do, it better be something real fucking interesting like an astronaut, a professional big game hunter, or a light bulb salesman. I think I'm just going to answer, "I'm a middleman" without any further elaboration. Don't ask me that shit. Ask me what I love. I'll talk all day. I'll wax poetic about the Raspberries' "Go All The Way", the great pacer, Riyadh, the 1988 March of Dimes Trot at Garden State Park, the career of Henry Armstrong, Perry Ellis suits, the motherfuckin' White Sox, E-Class Benzes, and working class Catholic girls from Chicago. Don't ask me what the fuck I do.

i thought your name was Joe?

My name is George. I'm unemployed, and I live with my parents.

This answer disappoints me, Joe.

I had thought that you could handle a question like this with dignified and effortless aplomb.

I'll talk all day.

So who are you really douchebagging? Yourself for not answering the questions? The people who probably wouldn't/don't like you but are in the same boat as you so they have to make idle small talk? Your wife for bringing you to these shindigs?

This I find hard to believe.

It's not about handling it with aplomb. It's a bullshit question. Nobody really cares. Maybe I'll just say I'm a lawyer. Or a used car salesman.

In my experience, the only people who don't enjoy talking about what they do probably feel some sense of inferiority or patronizement (word?) to/from the questioner. I never pegged you as anything other than a Proud Lion, Joe.

Wife bringing you to those Kenilworth & Highland Park shindigs?

Sure you can do better, but its a generally a safe conversation starter. Kind of like talking about the weather.

It's not about handling it with aplomb. It's a bullshit question. Nobody really cares. Maybe I'll just say I'm a lawyer. Or a used car salesman.

It is a bullshit question, but many people really care. It's a common way that men judge each other.

Tell them you are an exotic dancer and ask if they'd like to see you perform.

I'd advise you to try "importer." Deny that you are an exporter if they ask.

Actually, I introduce myself at an event like that as, "Hi, I'm Steve Sarley. My friends call me "Sparky."
When they call me Steve, I stop them and correct them.
It cracks me up and totally pisses my wife off.

What if someone says yes?

I'd advise you to try "importer." Deny that you are an exporter if they ask.

Actually, I introduce myself at an event like that as, "Hi, I'm Steve Sarley. My friends call me "Sparky."
When they call me Steve, I stop them and correct them.
It cracks me up and totally pisses my wife off.

I'm bracing myself to hear this goddamn small talk bullshit question countless times as my wife drags me to party after party throughout the holiday season. Who cares? If you're gonna talk about what you do, it better be something real fucking interesting like an astronaut, a professional big game hunter, or a light bulb salesman. I think I'm just going to answer, "I'm a middleman" without any further elaboration. Don't ask me that shit. Ask me what I love. I'll talk all day. I'll wax poetic about the Raspberries' "Go All The Way", the great pacer, Riyadh, the 1988 March of Dimes Trot at Garden State Park, the career of Henry Armstrong, Perry Ellis suits, the motherfuckin' White Sox, E-Class Benzes, and working class Catholic girls from Chicago. Don't ask me what the fuck I do.

JORR usually has an advance team and/or henchmen in place to insulate him from the more banal questions.