I mean, c'mon. Seriously?!? Who you tryin' to impress?

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"I'm not smiling because I thought what you said was humorous. I'm smiling because one day I know you'll be dead..."

Asian girlfriend's parents?

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Hawaii (fuck) You

It's so quaint ... it's Primitive Chic.

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

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-- source

_________________

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Sex isn't dirty, sex isn't a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

-Hank Kingsley

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I'm going to bounce from the spot for awhile but I will be back at some point to argue with you about this hoops stuff again. Playoffs have been great this season. See ya up the road.

I'm out.

It's actually a very effective weight loss plan. No joke.

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Ба́бушка гада́ла, да на́двое сказа́ла—то ли до́ждик, то ли снег, то ли бу́дет, то ли нет.

its kinda fun. sorry.

So's a tapeworm ... not sure which is more embarrassing in public ...

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

I'm mildly effective using chopsticks with sushi. That's about it.

And I'm as white as the Ace of Base.

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You know me like that.

My old man spent some time in Japan when he was in the Marines and, to this day, he enjoys eating with chopsticks at every opportunity. Showoff.

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like anglos rolling their r's in pronouncing Spanish names

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

I believe the chopsticks serve a purpose in china as they literally just shovel the rice and noodles in their mouths with the bowl up to their lips. The stick works better.

But next time I see a guy at Taco Bell with chopsticks, I will mock him and agree.

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

If only Laura Bush would have saw the sign ...

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

NBC News Employees

Robin Fletcher.....Julia Sweeney
Kathy.....Jan Hooks
Dan.....Phil Hartman
Executive #1.....Dana Carvey
Executive #2.....Mike Myers
Antonio Mendoza.....Jimmy Smits
Delivery Boy.....Rob Schneider
.....Bob Costas
Secretary.....Victoria Jackson



[ open on live footage of Robin Fletcher delivering news rport ]

Robin Fletcher: The fighting, for now, is over. But, for the people of Nicauragua, that is small consideraton. This is Robin Fletcher for NBC News, reporting from Managua, Nicaragua.

[ TV is turned off, zoom out to reveal NBC News employees watching with interest ]

Kathy: What do you think?

Dan: Well, it's a nice report.. but is this the week to cover.. [ thick-accented ] ..Neek-o-rah-gwa?

Kathy: Well.. I think Neek-o-rah-gwa is important. But not just Neek-o-rah-gwa but, also.. Han-der-us! And, especially.. El Salv-uh-door!

Executive #1: But wasn't the big story the defeat of Hor-tay-ga! And.. the fall of the san-duh-nees-tahs!

Executive #2: Excuse me, everybody, I'd like you to meet our new Economics correspondent.. Han-toe-nee-o Man-dos-ah!

Antonio Mendoza: Or.. Antonio Mendoza.

Kathy: Oh, it's nice to meet you, Han-toe-nee-o!

Dan: I'm sorry. Is it Man-dos-ah? Or Min-doz-ah?

Antonio Mendoza: Mendoza.. just Mendoza.

Executive #1: Well, Han-toe-nee-o.. um.. Kathy here was just talking about our coverage of Neek-o-rah-gwa.

Antonio Mendoza: Yeah, well, I think that the economic development in that region is going to be a real big story.

Dan: Yes, especially now that they don't have to worry about the.. Coin-trahs!

Antonio Mendoza: Yeah.

[ Delivery Boy enters ]

Delivery Boy: Food delivery?

Executive #1: Oh, great! Yes, yes! Right here! Okay.

Dan: Han-toe-nee-o, please, fell free. We always order too much food.

Antonio Mendoza: No.. thank you, thank you very much.

Executive #1: [ examining the orders ] Okay.. alright. Who had the an-chee-lah-dahs?

Kathy: Oh, that's me.

Executive #1: Okay.. we also have a comibnation bean bar-r-r-r-r-r-ee-toe.. and chee-lee-con-car-nay!

Dan: Well.. I had a bar-ee-toe.. and gway-vos-con-chair-ohs.

Executive #1: Oh.. [ looking ] They're no gawy-vos. They must have screwed up.

Executive #2: Han-toe-nee-o, you're welcome to have my chee-lee-con-car-r-r-r-r-nay!

Antonio Mendoza: Uh.. no.. no, thanks. Say, you guys really like Latino food, huh?

Executive #1: [ laughs ] Well, you know, I grew up in Las-Hang-o-lees!

[ Bob Costas enters room ]

Bob Costas: Hey, guys.

All: Hey! Bob! Bob!

Bob Costas: I heard you had some an-chee-lah-dahs!

Kathy: Oh, man! We got some dynamite cheem-ee-chang-ahs, too!

Bob Costas: Oh, great! Great! Can I dig in?

Kathy: Sure!

Dan: Bob, this is our Economics correspondent, Han-toe-nee-o Man-dos-ah!

Antonio Mendoza: [ chuckling ] Antonio Mendoza.

Dan: Han-toe-nee-o - Bob Coast-ahs!

Bob Coastas: Nice to see you.

Executive #1: So, Bob, you got any hot picks for us this weekend?

Bob Costas: Well, I like-a De Brawn-cose!

Dan: [ laughing hysterically ] De Brawn-cose?! You're nuts! No way De Brawn-cose beat Sohn Dee-a-go in Sohn Dee-a-go! You're out of your mind!

Bob Costas: Oh, what! And this is the guy who picked Tom-paw Bay by six over Sohn Frohn-sees-co!

Dan: Okay.. okay..

[ Secretary enters room ]

Secretary: Dan.. I'm sorry I couldn't find the file on.. Coast-ah Ree-co! And, also, the garage called, and they said someone left their lights on - a blue Cah-mah-row!

Bob Costas: Oh, geez! That's me! [ running ] Save me some gway-vos-con-chair-ohs! [ runs out of room ]

Antonio Mendoza: You know, I-I-I'm sorry.. I'm just noticing that you guys are really up on your Spanish pronunciations. [ everyone expresses theiir gratitude ] But.. if you don't mind me saying so.. sometimes these Spanish words, when you take them and you sort of kind of overpromounce them.. it's really kind of annoying.

Executive #2: [ surprised ] Really?

Dan: Well, give us an example.

Antonio Mendoza: Okay. Well, what do you call the kind of storm you get with high winds and a big funnel cloud?

Dan: [ chuckles ] A tour-nah-do! Why?

Antonio Mendoza: [ shakes head ] Never mind.. never mind. [ a beat ] You know, on second thought, I think I will have an enchilada.

Executive #1: Uh.. a what?

Antonio Mendoza: An enchilada.. I'll have an enchilada.

Dan: I'm sorry?

Antonio Mendoza: An an-chee-lah-dah! Now everyone understands what he wants ] Han-toe-nee-o Man-dose-ah would like an an-chee-lah-dah!! It would very moo-wee bwain-oh because Han-toe-nee-o is very hahn-gree!! Yeah, it would make him feel r-r-r-ree-lee goo-id to have an AN-CHEE-LAH-DAH!!!

Executive #1: [ whispers to Executive #2 ] Hey, this guy's alright!

[ zoom out to fade ]

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You know me like that.

I'm relatively certain that most Asian cultures eat rice with their fingers/hands.

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You know me like that.

The next time I see a guy at Taco Bell eating with their hands, I will mock them on everyone's behalf.

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Does Taco Bell have good Asian food?

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You know me like that.

The dorito-wrapped egg foo young ain't bad, my friend.

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Is that the Crunchcrap?

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You know me like that.

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I'm a little bit surprised Panda didn't come up with a Cool Ranch Doritos egg roll.

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

To this day, I cant say Tore-Nay-Doh

Its Tore-NAH-Do

I like to attempt it when I get sushi, but after the first piece falls apart because of the way I was holding them, I just switch to eating with my fingers.

Jan Hooks back in the day. That was a somethin'...

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"I'm not smiling because I thought what you said was humorous. I'm smiling because one day I know you'll be dead..."

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I use them as drum sticks, then I put them on my head and act like an alien. Then I grab a fork like a reasonable North American