ATTEMPTED SEXUAL EXPERIENCE IN KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN FAIL. IN SOMETHING CALLED MADISON WISCONSIN. AL'S STEAKHOUSE JOLIET PATRON BILL NEEDS TO GET ME TO THIS ROCKFORD. THINKING ABOUT TEDDY LONG HAVING A HEART ATTACK.

SON-IN-LAW AND SUPPLE, FERTILE DAUGHTER ASSUMING I'M DEAD. GOING TO CONTINUE SCAM ABOUT THEM GETTING COMPANY FOR 4 1/2 MORE MINUTES. MIGHT HIRE ROCKFORD ILLINOIS RESIDENT TO ASSASSINATE ONE OF THE RIKISHI CHILDREN. FUCK YOU.

SPOKE TO SUPPLE, FERTILE DAUGHTER. SOUNDED UPSET. A GUY LIKE ME COULD HAVE AVERAGE ILLINOIS OR WISCONSIN RESIDENT KILLED. AL'S STEAKHOUSE JOLIET PATRON BILL IS NODDING NERVOUSLY IN AGREEMENT.

RECEIVED MESSAGE FROM MAN WITH QUESTIONABLE GRAMMAR AND SPELLING, SUGGESTING HE HATES SON-IN-LAW PAUL. ENJOYED HIS USAGE OF THE WORD FUCK. MIGHT HAVE THIS INDIVIDUAL LURE A RIKISHI CHILD TO ROCKFORD ILLINOIS ARENA BOILER ROOM. AL'S STEAKHOUSE JOLIET PATRON BILL FINDS PLAN INCOMPLETE. FUCK HIM.

STILL IN SOMETHING CALLED MADISON WISCONSIN. AL'S STEAKHOUSE JOLIET PATRON BILL SUGGESTING WE GO TO SOMETHING CALLED A MCDONALDS. HE'S TELLING ME THEY SELL POWER BARS. IF THEY DON'T, I'M GOING TO HAVE MAN WITH QUESTIONABLE GRAMMAR AND SPELLING THAT ENJOYS THE WORD FUCK KILL HIM. MARGINAL WOOD.

CORPORATE OFFICE FORWARDED CALL FROM SOMEONE NAMED SHACKKEEL. OBVIOUS FAKE NAME. I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING HE SAID EXCEPT BEING EXCITED FOR WRESTLEMANIA. MUST BE ONE OF THOSE MAKE A WISH KIDS WITH DEEP VOICE. FUCK HIM. AL'S STEAKHOUSE JOLIET PATRON BILL IS MISSING.

DOES ANYONE HAVE JUDY BAGWELL'S PHONE NUMBER? FUCK YOU.

AL'S STEAKHOUSE JOLIET PATRON BILL'S CAR HAS FLAT TIRE. I'VE ACQUIRED THE LAST OF HIS MID-LEVEL COCAINE, AND ASKED SON-IN-LAW PAUL TO PICK ME UP IN SOMETHING CALLED MADISON WISCONSIN. ROCKFORD HERE I COME. STILL NEED JUDY BAGWELL'S DIGITS.

SON-IN-LAW PAUL WHINING ABOUT PICKING ME UP. REFUSING TO ANSWER MY MULTIPLE REQUESTS TO HEAR WHAT SUPPLE, FERTILE DAUGHTER IS WEARING TODAY. GIVING ME PAUL GRUMBLE. I'M GOING TO GIVE HIM VINCE PANTS DROP. FUCK HIM.

BOOKING SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT FINISH TO SMACKDOWN MAIN EVENT IN SOMETHING CALLED A MCDONALDS PARKING LOT. TELLING THIS GAL WITH GIANT CUP OF SOMETHING I'M THE TYPE OF GUY THAT CAN MULTITASK. WOOD.

SITTING IN BOOTH CLOSEST TO BATHROOM IN SOMETHING CALLED A MCDONALDS IN MADISON WISCONSIN. GENTLEMAN WITH MOP I'VE NAMED BILL 2 IS ASKING WHY I CALL THE BOOTH "GORILLA." HE HAS MUCH TO LEARN. I WONDER IF HE HAS HEALTH INSURANCE.

BILL 2 WITH MOP IS TELLING ME HE'S A PAUL HEYMAN GUY. IF SON-IN-LAW PAUL DOESN'T GET HERE SOON, SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE. MICHAEL HAYES HAD BETTER BE ON HIS GAME TONIGHT. WHAT STATE AM I IN? I'M CALLING DEAN MALENKO FOR ONE OF HIS INFAMOUS THINGS CALLED "JOKES."

IF SON-IN-LAW PAUL DOESN'T GET HERE IN THE NEXT SIX MINUTES, I'M HAVING THE MODEST HOME OF JIM ROSS BURNT TO THE GROUND.

SON-IN-LAW PAUL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS BLOODBATH. I'M SORRY BILL 2. I'LL MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU. XOXO

SON-IN-LAW PAUL FINALLY SHOWED UP JUST AHEAD OF POLICE. I'LL DONATE TO THEIR FAMILIES OUT OF SUPPLE, FERTILE DAUGHTER INHERITANCE. ASKING PAUL WHAT SHE'S WEARING AGAIN WITHOUT RESPONSE. HE'S LUCKY I LOVE THAT PONYTAIL. FUCK YOU.

EXPLAINING TO SON-IN-LAW PAUL THE NESTLE MARKETING DEAL IS ONE BIG LIMO EXPLODING STORYLINE AWAY. HE'S SLIGHTLY NODDING WITH OBVIOUS CONTEMPT. I WONDER IF HE'LL GIVE ME ONE STORY ABOUT STEPHANIE EATING A POWER BAR WITH A SEXUAL POSE? I HATE THIS THING CALLED INTERSTATE 90.

IF KAMALA CALLS ONE MORE TIME FOR A NEW LEG, I'M GOING TO HAVE HIM KILLED. SON-IN-LAW PAUL IS NODDING IN AGREEMENT, PONYTAIL SLIGHTLY SHINING OFF SEAT OF CADILLAC RENTAL CAR. FINALLY LEAVING THE STATE OF WISCONSIN, TRYING TO ADVANCE THE DIVA FLATULENCE STORYLINE. FUCK YOU.

EXPLAINING TO SON-IN-LAW PAUL I'M THE TYPE OF GUY THAT COULD MAKE FLATULENCE PORNOGRAPHY ACCEPTABLE ON NETWORK TELEVISION. WE ARE NOW GOING 46-48 MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT. HE STILL HASN'T PROVIDED ANY INFORMATION ON SUPPLE HEAD OF CREATIVE'S CLOTHING. STRETCHING RIGHT PART OF SCROTUM.

ASKED SON-IN-LAW PAUL TO STOP AT THIS THING CALLED CULVERS. A BUTTER BURGER SOUNDS LIKE IT HAS PROTEIN. I WONDER IF IT COULD BE "MADE TO ORDER" WITH SOME OF THIS COCAINE I HAVE LEFT? SON-IN-LAW PAUL IS IGNORING MY REQUEST.

I'M A TED ARCIDI GUY IN A JEREMY LIN WORLD. WHAT COULD GUY LIKE ME DO FOR FUN IN ROCKFORD ILLINOIS?

JUNKYARD DOG DIED?!?!

SON-IN-LAW PAUL IS PROVIDING SCENARIOS TO END UNDERTAKER MARK'S STREAK. NODDING. EXCITED. CONTEMPLATING ASKING PAUL ABOUT A "ROCKFORD WIFE SWAP." INTERRUPTED BY CALL FROM DONALD TRUMP.

ASKING SON-IN-LAW PAUL WHAT SUPPLE, FERTILE DAUGHTER WOULD THINK ABOUT RE-INTRODUCING THE BLUE BLAZER TONIGHT. NO RESPONSE, MY FRUSTRATION IS GROWING. HOW CAN I TRUST THEM WITH MY COMPANY? FUCK YOU.

ARRIVING TO ARENA. THIS TOWN SMELLS LIKE SPOILED, FAT FREE MILK. READY TO KILL ONE OF THE USO'S FOR FUN.

RE-DISCOVERING PARTS OF SMACKDOWN ARENA. NEED TO CALL AL'S STEAKHOUSE JOLIET PATRON BILL FOR MORE BLOW. SOMEONE SEND A TWITTER MACHINE MESSAGE TO ZACK RYDER, AND TELL HIM TO STOP FOLLOWING ME. THANK YOU. FUCK YOU.