The CSFMBWA logo lights up a blackened screen as the crowd roars in the background. Suddenly, chants of “We are back!” can be heard around the arena, as we fade from the CSFMBWA logo to a jam packed Katie O’Connors. In the upper left corner of the screen reads “Earlier Tonight” as camera men at ringside get shots of the front row audience. The camera then cut to the curtains of the stage where owner and chairman of CSFMBWA Ugueth W. Shivyou walks out and into the ring. A chant of “Welcome Back!” comes out of every fan in Katie O’s as a camera zooms in on his face.
Ugie: Thank you, so much, for having us back.
The crowd roars in excitement as Ugie is struggling to find words to say.
Ugie: Without you guys here in the bar this morning, without the hundreds of fans at home watching this on the CSFMB and the CFSMBWA websites, without the writers, the staff, and all the boys in the back, we would not be here giving you what you came to see. And what you came to see was one hundred percent homo-erotic professional wrestling action.
The crowd roars as Ugie drops the microphone and bows as the crowd lets out chants of “Thank You Ugie!” He soon leaves the ring as the intro kicks in and the cuts to the jam packed Katie O’Connors. Soon Gorilla Monsoon’s voice can be heard through the commentary headset.
Monsoon: Welcome everyone to the return of CSFMBWA Friday Morning Rumbel! I’m Gorilla Monsoon and with me as always is my broadcast partner Jessie Ventura. It’s nice to see you again Jess.
Ventura: As usual Gorilla the pleasure is all yours. The only reason that I’m back is Demolition Man 2 was put on hold while Wes is incarcerated. As you know Geno, I’m a Hollywood superstar as well as an award winning broadcast journalist.
Monsoon: Oh boy. Without further ado ladies and gentlemen, let’s go to the ring for our first matchup.
Opening Contest: Boyd vs Baby McNown
The bell sounds as Boyd ducks a clothesline from McNown, and McNown ducks a clothesline from Boyd. McNown goes for a kick but Boyd catches the boot and McNown back flips as a counter. McNown goes to swipe the legs out from Boyd but Boyd jumps over the legs and nails an enzugiri on McNown. Boyd goes for the cover but gets only a one count. Boyd whips McNown into corner and looks to hit a big boot, but McNown moves out of the way and nails back elbows as Boyd untangles himself from the corner. McNown bounces off the ropes and Boyd leapfrogs over. Boyd rolls back as McNown flies over him and hits an arm drag. McNown soon counters with an arm drag of his own, followed by an arm drag by Boyd, causing McNown to go out of the ring. Boyd bounces off the far ropes and executes a baseball slide to McNown. Boyd tries to toss McNown into the guardrail but it’s reversed and McNown whips Boyd into the barricade. McNown then delivers a standing dropkick and Boyd’s head snaps back against the railing.
Monsoon: How do you call action that is that fast Jess?
Ventura: You don’t. You shut up and watch Monsoon.
McNown stands up as the crowd chants his name and rolls back into the ring followed by Boyd. The two get up and McNown nails a fisherman suplex with bridge but only gets a two count. The two get up and begin trading lefts and rights. Boyd ducks a clothesline attempt from McNown and nails a backdrop. McNown gets to his feet but is hit with The Riding Mower! Boyd covers McNown but is only able to get a two count.
Ventura: You gotta be kidding me! That Riding Mower from Boyd was one of the most violent things I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen Arnold after a night with Maria!
Monsoon: Oh brother…
McNown pulls himself up with the ropes as Boyd clotheslines him over the top. McNown stands on the apron and delivers a punch to Boyd. McNown jumps onto the top rope but Boyd jumps on too and delivers a leaping enzugiri to McNown which causes both men to fall to the canvas. They both slowly get to their feet and Boyd bounces off the ropes and hits a neck breaker. He hooks the leg but again is only able to get a two count. Boyd picks McNown off the mat and looks for a head-and-arm Boydplex, but McNown escapes and hits Boyd with his signature Obamabomber! The crowd is in a frenzy as McNown gets up and scales the turnbuckles. McNown soon flies through the air with The Falling Economy but Boyd moves out of the way in time. Boyd waits for McNown to get up and as soon as he does, Boyd delivers the CTE Buster. He covers McNown and referee Jeff Eaglo handles the three count.
Winner: Boyd
Krazy Ivan vs. Jackref
Jackref is distracted by a fan at ringside and stands on the apron to yell at them. Krazy Ivan comes from behind and pushes Jackref off the apron to the outside. Ivan leaps off the top rope but misses Jackref and lands gut first onto the steel guardrail. Jackref looks to whip Ivan into the far guardrail but Ivan counters with a whip of his own. Jackref instantly jumps atop the guardrail and hits a spinkick to Ivan.
Monsoon: Kick the Habit to Ivan on the outside!
Jackref rolls Ivan into the ring and stomps away on him, then proceeds to kick a kneeling Ivan repeatedly in the chest. Ivan catches the boot and delivers a dragon screw. He stands Jackref up and takes him to the corner. Ivan whips him into the opposite corner so hard that Jackref walks out of it clutching his back. Ivan bounces off the ropes and tries a back kick combination. Jackref moves in time as Ivan lands on his knees. Jackref goes for a head kick but Ivan ducks forward, Jackref drops the leg but nobody’s home, Ivan looks for a standing star press but Jackref moves out of the way and hits a front flip leg drop to the back of the head. He hooks the leg and only gets a two count on Ivan.
Monsoon: What a great combination of counters!
Ventura: These two are very athletic and sometimes are overlooked here in the CSFMBWA.
Monsoon: Good point Jess.
Ventura: Of course it was!
Jackref climbs the ropes looking to hit the King’s Landing early, but Ivan runs up to the second rope and gives hits a big arm drag, causing Jackref to roll to the outside. Ivan waits for Jackref to turn around. He bounces off the opposite ropes, flies over the top rope, and hits a big front flip on the outside to Jackref. Ivan picks Jackref up off the floor and sets him on the guardrail; he begins chopping Jackref in the chest. Jackref counters with a chop of his own. Jackref then props Ivan against the ring and chops and kicks him across the chest. He then tosses Ivan over the guardrail and into the crowd, then proceeds to stand on the apron. Once Ivan is up, Jackref hits a diving clothesline to Ivan in the first row, as the crowd roars in excitement.
Monsoon: Off With His Head into the first row by Jackref! These are two of the best going at it!
Ventura: Why isn’t the referee making these guys get back in the ring? Does he not know we’re live here?
Monsoon: No clue Jess.
Jackref drags Ivan back into the ring and hits a falcon arrow and covers him for a two count. He then whips Ivan off the ropes but Ivan ducks Jackref’s kick and hits a DDT, knocking the wind out of both of them. By the count of eight both men are up and Ivan works on Jackref, delivering any shot he can give. He attempts to whip Jackref into the corner but Jackref counters with a whip of his own. Ivan flips over the turnbuckles and lands on the apron, springboards with a front flip and lands in neck breaker position. Before he can drop the neck breaker, Jackref reverses it into a suplex position, hooks the leg and hits the Double Stout Suplex, but surprisingly only gets a two count.
Monsoon: How in the world do you kick out of a vicious move like the Double Stout Suplex?!
Jackref brings Ivan into the corner and they begin to trade blows on the top rope. Jackref sets up for another Double Stout Suplex and as soon as Jackref jumps, Ivan hits a DDT as a counter, knocking the wind out of both men once more. By the count of eight Ivan is up. He climbs to the top rope and hits the Smack That Bitch from the top rope and covers Jackref for the three count.
Winner: Krazy Ivan
Tag Team Match: Terry Speeps & Drop In vs Bigfan & Douchebag
Bigfan grabs a microphone before the referee can start the match. “Congratulations Speeps. You used that tiny brain of yours to figure out that I’ve been behind Douchebag all along. I have used my considerable influence and power to position Douchebag into the upper level of the CSFMB. I guaranteed his victory in the March Madness tournament by coming out in favor of his opponent. The same will happen here in the CSFMBWA. Now as much as I’d like to drop the Banhammer on you two goofs, I’ve got to head to Starbucks and wait for Theo to drop by.”
Speeps and Drop In laugh and Douchebag looks a little nervous at the prospect of facing the Drinky Alliance by himself.
“Don’t worry DB. I ain’t leaving you alone to take on these guys. I’ve contacted someone from the glory days. A guy who was here when the board was better two years ago. I give you….
Woodridge Ryan!”
Woodridge Ryan comes down to the ring to a thunderous ovation as Speeps and Drop In are yelling at the ref. Ryan shakes hands with Bigfan and Douchebag and gets ready for the match. Bigfan again gets on the mic.
“Start the match. And someone text me to let me know what happens.”
Bigfan exits to the back as the referee rings the bell.
Monsoon: And here we go folks. It looks like Douchebag and Drop In will be starting this one off.
Ventura: I have learned from my sources that Speeps & Drop In trained very hard for this match and I don’t blame them. They’re trying to regain that chemistry that made them the most feared team in the CSFMBWA last season.
The two lock up in a collar and elbow tie up, the result being Douchebag throwing Drop In down to the mat. The two lock up once more as they back up into the corner and Douchebag is forced to release the hold. He then goes for an elbow but Drop In ducks, delivering elbows and right hands of his own. He whips Douchebag off the ropes but Douchebag counters with a whip. Douchebag looks for the big up and over but Drop In plants both knees on his shoulders, driving Douchebag to the mat. Drop In gets up quick as Douchebag comes to his feet. Drop In bounces off the ropes and meets a shoulder tackle from Douchebag. Drop In stands himself up in the corner as Douchebag charges at him. Drop In gets the boot up as he perches himself on the ropes and flies over Douchebag with a sunset flip but gets only a one count. As soon as they both get up, Drop In bounces off the ropes again, nailing a dropkick to the side of the head. He then bounces off the opposite ropes and Douchebag delivers a clothesline knocking Drop In senseless.
Monsoon: My God what a clothesline!
Douchebag then tags in Ryan, and Drop In tags in Speeps. Ryan and Speeps lock up and back into the corner; Ryan breaks the hold and delivers sickening back elbows to the face of Speeps. Ryan pulls Speeps out of the corner, whips him off the ropes, and connects with a vicious shoulder tackle. Ryan whips Speeps off the opposite ropes and Speeps connects with a big dropkick. Speeps then tags in Drop In and they both go for a double suplex but can’t take Ryan off his feet. They instead whip him off the ropes and look for the Hangover but Ryan breaks through them, and instead connect with a dropkick off the rebound which knocks Speeps from the ring. Drop In then delivers stiff kicks to the chest of Ryan, but Ryan catches the leg and goes for a clothesline. Drop In dropkicks the knee and hits a vicious kick to the head. He covers Ryan but only gets a two count.
Ventura: Back and forth action from both teams here, this is an impressive contest.
Monsoon: Are you actually giving credit to Douchebag and Ryan?
Ventura: Of course! I can be impartial. Especially when Bigfan offers to finance the next season of “Conspiracy Theories”.
Monsoon: What was that last bit?
Ventura: Nothing. How about this matchup...
Drop In gives some elbows across the back and shoulder of Ryan, but Ryan hits a back suplex and tags in Douchebag. Douchebag whips Drop In off the ropes and connects with a scoop slam but gets a two count only. Douchebag then connects with a power slam, gets the two count, and tags in Ryan. Ryan takes Drop In into the corner and delivers some stiff shoulders to the gut. He pulls Drop In out of sitting position, delivers a power slam, bounces off the ropes and connects with a big splash. This only gets him a two count, and he then tags in Douchebag. Douchebag looks to power slam Drop In, but Drop In escapes and is somehow able to connect with a German suplex. Drop In is able to tag in Speeps and Douchebag is able to tag in Ryan. Speeps delivers stiff elbows as they back up into the corner. Speeps whips Ryan corner to corner but Ryan hits a whip of his own, hitting the turnbuckles so hard Speeps bounces out of them and Ryan hits the Zinger Approval.
Monsoon: The Zinger Approval! This could be it for Speeps right here!
It isn’t the end as for Speeps as he kicks out on the count of two. Ryan picks Speeps off the mat and Speeps delivers forearms to the face and whips him off the ropes and connects with a DDT, as Drop In dropkicks Douchebag off the apron. Speeps and Drop In whip Ryan off the western ropes and hit the Hangover on Ryan, shaking the ring. Speeps covers Ryan and Drop In slides out of the ring. Ryan kicks out at two and seven-eighths! Speeps climbs to the top rope and looks to finish it with a Drinky Dropper. Douchebag runs over however and hits Speeps, causing him to crotch himself on the corner. Ryan recovers and climbs to the middle rope and grabs Speeps. He then connects with a Barnbuster. Ryan covers Speeps as Drop In looks on from the outside. He doesn’t attempt to help Speeps and the ref counts the three count.
Winners: Woodridge Ryan and Douchebag
Monsoon: What a debut here for the team of Woodridge Ryan and Douchebag! Bigfan’s plan has already yielded positive results. And what about the Drinky Aliance? Drop In again let Speeps take the loss.
Ventura: I’m not sure what that is all about. The Brain told me this had all been worked out.
Monsoon: It’ll be interesting to see where this situation goes from here.
CSFMBWA InterWebs Championship Match: RFDC (c) vs JimmyPasta
Jimmy gets the advantage with a waist lock. RFDC then escapes and locks in a wrist lock. Jimmy rolls out of it and locks in a wrist lock of his own. RFDC counters and attempts to take Jimmy down with a single leg takedown. Jimmy just plops down and sits on RFDC, crushing the Hoosier out of him. RFDC then escapes by taking a bite out of Jimmy’s leg and the two get to a vertical base and lock up. RFDC takes the advantage as he gets a side headlock on Jimmy. Jimmy pushes RFDC off the ropes. RFDC steps over Jimmy and is flattened by a shoulder block from Jimmy.
Monsoon: Great action from both these guys in the early going.
Jimmy goes to whip RFDC into the opposite corner but RFDC flies out, rolls away, and hits a snap scoop slam on Jimmy getting a one count. RFDC takes Jimmy over with a snapmare, gives a stiff kick to the back, bounces off the ropes, hits a neckbreaker followed by a dropkick to the face of JimmyPasta. RFDC covers him but only gets a two count. RFDC whips Jimmy off the ropes but Jimmy catches himself. RFDC charges him but is nailed with aLands on the apron, gives a shoulder to the ribs of RFDC. Jimmy bounces off the opposite ropes but RFDC takes out the legs with a dropkick. He then bounces off the ropes and nails a dropkick to the face. RFDC hooks the leg and again gets a two count only. RFDC picks Jimmy off the mat and hits the Toothless Grin. He covers Jimmy again but is only able to get a two count from referee Chas.
Ventura: I’m very impressed with RFDC in this match, he is pulling out all the stops to keep Jimmy grounded and to keep himself on offense.
RFDC picks Jimmy off the mat and Jimmy begins to fight back with right hands to the gut. He bounces off the ropes and hits a knee to the head. The two get up and begin trading elbows and chops. RFDC hits a kick to the gut, looks for a super kick, but Jimmy moves out of the way. Jimmy picks up RFDC and delivers the Falling Meatball. He covers RFDC and is shocked when RFDC is able to get a shoulder up at two and a half. Jimmy whips RFDC out of the corner but RFDC counters with a whip and looks to hit a Town-Destroying Tornado DDT. Jimmy fights it off and hits a Samoas Drop. He goes for the pin but again only gets the two count.
Monsoon: Jimmy wants to put RFDC away but he knows the two are evenly matched in this contest.
Ventura: Quality analysis there Geno. No wonder you were pruned.
Jimmy sets RFDC on the top ropes of the same corner and looks to hit a Supersizer but RFDC fights him off and counters with bulldog that sends both men to the mat. RFDC is the first one up and he keeps Jimmy down with a couple of kicks. He then climbs the ropes and nails the Spaulding Splash. He covers Jimmy and referee Chas counts the one, two, three.
Winner: RFDC
Chas raises the arm of RFDC and hands him his belt. RFDC celebrates as Jimmy Pasta gets up and slumps over coughing.
Monsoon: Is Jimmy ok? Someone should check on him.
RFDC goes over to Jimmy to make sure that he is ok. Suddenly Jimmy stands up and spits a red viscous fluid at RFDC! RFDC claws at his eyes and falls from the ring.
Monsoon: Did you see that?! What is going on?
Ventura: Is that… I think its….
RFDC wipes his eyes and begins to regain his composure. He is stunned to realize what the fluid is. Jimmy is in the ring with a devious smile on his face. He is also licking the fluid from his face.
Monsoon: It’s a strawberry milkshake! Jimmy Pasta just spit a milkshake in the face of RFDC! That’s disgusting.
RFDC manages to make his way to the back as he shows revulsion on his face.
The Original Kid Cairo vs SomeGuy
Monsoon: Kid Cairo is taking on the newcomer SomeGuy here on the Season Premiere of CSFMBWA Friday Morning Rumbel. What can you tell us about SomeGuy Jess?
Ventura: Not much is known is him. I’d be careful if I were Kid Cairo.
The two shake hands before engaging in a lock up. They back up against the ropes and are forced to break the hold. They soon lock up again only this time backing up into the corner. The hold is broken and Kid Cairo takes advantage with a waist lock. SomeGuy escapes and puts a wrist lock on Kid Cairo and proceeds to head but the hand. He takes Kid Cairo to the mat with an armbar. The two get up as Kid Cairo counters with a headlock. SomeGuy pushes Kid Cairo off the ropes and the two collide shoulders but no one falls. Kid Cairo bounces off the ropes with a shoulder tackle but SomeGuy still stands. He then throws an elbow at SomeGuy, who counters with a head kick, and Kid Cairo hits another elbow. SomeGuy bounces off the ropes and connects with a big boot and Kid Cairo rolls to the outside. SomeGuy then bounces off the opposite ropes and dives on the outside with a flying elbow.
Mosoon: What a Flying Elbow from SomeGuy!
Ventura: I haven’t seen someone get that high since Carl Weathers on the set of Predator!
SomeGuy whips Kid Cairo into the guardrail and connects with a boot. He tosses Kid Cairo back into the ring and locks on a head scissors. SomeGuy then takes Kid Cairo into the corner and unloads with a series of chops and jabs. He whips Kid Cairo into the opposite corner and connects with a big knee to the face. SomeGuy goes for the cover but Kid Cairo kicks out at two. Both men get up from the mat and Kid Cairo hits an elbow on SomeGuy. The two then trade elbows, head-butts, and chops before SomeGuy hits a jumping enzugiri. SomeGuy then sits Kid Cairo in the corner and gives repetitive boot scrapes before bouncing off the ropes and connecting with a huge one. SomeGuy pulls Kid Cairo out of the corner and covers him but gets a two count only. As Kid Cairo struggles to get to a vertical base, SomeGuy connects with kicks to the chest. Soon the two are trading elbows and Kid Cairo gets the advantage, knocking SomeGuy down. Kid Cairo looks to whip SomeGuy out of the corner, but SomeGuy counters. Kid Cairo bounces out of the corner with a back elbow. Kid Cairo bounces off the ropes but SomeGuy connects with a shoulder tackle. Kid Cairo sits up only to get a stiff kick to the chest. SomeGuy goes for the cover and gets a two count only. SomeGuy whips Kid Cairo into the corner and as Kid Cairo bounces out, SomeGuy connects a German suplex with bridge getting a two count.
Monsoon: Kid Cairo has been on the losing side most of this contest yet he refuses to stay down.
Ventura: I told you Monsoon. The champion has to be careful. He hasn’t had a chance to scout SomeGuy before and it’s really showing.
The two trade elbows and fists. SomeGuy bounces off the ropes looking for a big boot but Kid Cairo catches it and hits a capture suplex. He goes for the pin but only gets a two count. The two are up and SomeGuy gives a stiff elbow. He looks for a power bomb but Kid Cairo keeps his feet planted. SomeGuy then kicks Kid Cairo straight in the face and nails a power bomb pin. He gets a two count and quickly transfers into an STF. Kid Cairo is screaming in pain, and SomeGuy releases the legs but keeps the crossface portion locked on. Finally Kid Cairo puts his foot on a nearby rope. SomeGuy lifts Kid Cairo to his feet and bounces off the rope. Cairo ducks the clothesline attempt and nails a stiff elbow that stuns SomeGuy. Kid Cairo grabs the leg of SomeGuy, setting up a dragon screw when suddenly SomeGuy out of nowhere hits an ezugiri. He then takes Kid Cairo into the corner and connects with the Bernsie Bomb. He covers Kid Cairo but only gets a two count. SomeGuy lifts Kid Cairo off the mat and hits a flurry of elbows before hitting his Reek Rocker! He covers Cairo but again he kicks out at two.
Monsoon: These two just will not give up!
Both men are up from the mat as they trade elbows, SomeGuy bounces off the ropes looking for another big boot. Kid Cairo side steps and hits a back drop suplex. He grabs the legs and locks in the Auto Tap! SomeGuy attempts to hold on, but the pain becomes too much and he taps out.
Winner: Kid Cairo
CSFMBWA Tag Team Championship: Hank Scorpio & Phil McCracken (c) vs The Grand Score
As soon as the champs hop into the ring, Keeping Score and FiveGrand immediately run out of it. Hank and Phil turn around for a brief second, and instantly get jumped by FiveGrand and Keeping Score. FiveGrand hits a DDT on Hank, while Keeping Score hits a power bomb on Phil. FiveGrand scales the turnbuckles and hits an elbow drop from the second rope on Phil. FiveGrand covers him but only gets a two count. Keeping Score lifts Hank off the mat and hits a gut wrench suplex, followed by FiveGrand with a big splash. He covers Hank and Phil breaks it up at two. FiveGrand goes after Phil, lifts him in spine buster position as Keeping Score bounces off the ropes and drops down to one knee. FiveGrand then slams Phil onto the knee of Keeping Score. He covers Phil and this time Hank breaks the count at two. FiveGrand gives a couple of rights to Hank, whips him off the ropes, ducks the double clothesline, leaps over FiveGrand and Keeping Score and nails a double dropkick. Hank then hits a clothesline on both men, but as soon as he goes after FiveGrand again, FiveGrand hits a high elevation choke-slam.
Monsoon: Talk about cutting off momentum!
Ventura: That Money Drop was delivered with authority!
FiveGrand and Keeping Score set Phil up for the Prison Bar but Hank hits a dropkick to the knees of Keeping Score and hits a pair of spinning roundhouse kicks on FiveGrand. Phil and Hank dodge the returning clothesline from Keeping Score and deliver a double super-kick but Keeping Score still stands. Hank then grabs Keeping Score while Phil gets FiveGand. They both deliver suplexes out of opposite corners and scale the turnbuckles. Phil and Hank both leap and hit leg drops at the same time.
Monsoon: What teamwork on display from our Tag Team Champions! These guys are like a well-oiled machine.
Ventura: I have to agree with you Gorilla. Phil and Hank haven’t lost a step during their hiatus. But the match ain’t over yet.
FiveGrand and Keeping Score roll to the outside to try and recover. Hank and Phil both ascend to the top rope and prepare to attack. Suddenly Speeps and Jackref come to the ring and dropkick Phil and Hank, causing them to fall back into the ring. Jackref picks up Hank and delivers The Drogon Dropper. Speeps tosses Phil into the far ropes and presses him into the air. He then nails an uppercut as Phil is falling back down.
Ventura: Speeps with the Bye Cracky on Phil! This has to be payback for what happened at Friday Fung!
Monsoon: But where is Drop In?
Speeps and Jackref stomp on Hank and Phil but they are interrupted by Keeping Score and FiveGrand. Keeping Score lifts Speeps up and delivers a SwiftKick that sends Speeps to the outside. FiveGrand goes after KS but is nailed by the Ghetto Blaster from FiveGrand!
Monsoon: The Grand Score is cleaning house!
Ventura: Why are they helping out the champs? They should let them get destroyed and then take their titles!
Monsoon: WILL YOU STOP!
All four men in the ring shake hands as Speeps and Jackref slink back to the locker room.
Winners by Disqualification: Phil McCracken & Hank Scorpio
Monsoon: What’ll be the fallout from this mess? We’ll find out next week!
strawberry milkshake?