What if The Glorious New York Yankees hired The Lord Jesus Christ to be their new pitching coach - would A.J. Burnett have a winning record? I am predicting that my enemy A.J. Burnett would finish with eight (8) wins and sixteen (16) losses. The King of Kings, who fed thousands with a single loaf of bread, and who defeated the temptations of the evil and vicious Satan, would probably find this job a little bit too difficult to tackle.

This all reminds me of my evil former neighbor, who I called Pigman, because he was short and fat and had a gigantic pig nose on his fat red face. He was my hated enemy, and I used to call him Satan because he had an evil goatee beard. I have already told you about the time that he called me a loser when I was eating coconut pie. Never mind that I had picked up that pie in my luxurious automobile, and was eating it on my luxurious porch!

In my younger days, as you might imagine, I dated numerous attractive woman because I was handsome, athletic and had a very good job. I was a very carefree bachelor indeed! I am not saying all of these women were Victoria's Secret supermodels - let us not get crazy - but they were all at least as good looking as the best looking ones in the Kohl's catalogue. Well, this used to drive Pigman crazy because his wife looked horrible, and she had a very shrill voice which would almost literally cause your eardrums to burst and your head to explode. One time, I was getting ready to take this super attractive lady out to dinner. As I was guiding her out to my luxurious vehicle with my arm around her, I saw Pigman cutting his grass. I pointed to my date and yelled over: "Hey Pigman, take a quick look at what I will be doing for the next several hours!" If looks could kill, I would have been assassinated on the spot! At that exact moment, I heard a horrible obese voice yelling: "Pigman (not his real name) get in here for dinner!" I just said: "Enjoy your night Satan, it looks like you are already in hell!" He had nothing to say, but I know that he was already plotting his revenge. Then my hot date and I burst out laughing while he slithered into his house, ashamed as he could be, and only dreaming that he could ever be like me.

I would rather have Pigman in my starting rotation than A.J. Burnett. The Lord Jesus Christ could help Pigman.

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