"A lot of folks who ain't saying ain't, ain't eating."

--Dizzy Dean, broadcaster, on criticism of his diction


From Voices of Baseball: Quotations on the Summer Game, by Bob Chieger

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I can remember a sports writer asking me for a quote and I didn't know what a quote was. I thought it was some kind of soft drink.

-Joe DiMaggio

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Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

"Sure."

- Robin Ventura

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"I use that bat for batting practice. It's something that I take the blame for. It's a mistake. I feel sorry." - Sammy Sosa

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

"I can't remember your name, but I know we used to pitch you high and outside."

--Bill Dickey, to a player who asked him if he remembered him (1943)

"I won't be active in the day-to-day operations of the club at all. I can't spread myself so thin. I've got enough headaches with my shipping company."

--George Steinbrenner, after purchasing the Yankees in 1973

"I don't throw the first punch. I throw the second four."

--Billy Martin, 1981

"They used to say, 'If we find a good black player, we'll sign him.' They was lying."

--Cool Papa Bell

"He wants Texas back."

--Tommy Lasorda, on that Fernando Valenzuela was asking for in his 1982 contract

"They shouldn't throw at me. I'm the father of five or six kids."

--Tito Fuentes, SF Giants outfielder

"We was gonna buy you a birthday cake, but we figured you'd drop it."

--Casey Stengel to Marv Throneberry, 1962

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I apologai

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Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

"I done it for the wife and kiddies."

--Eddie Cicotte, 1920

"The Lord must have known when he made the world round that nothing in it would ever be on the square."

--Eddie Cicotte, 1967

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It was a towering line drive. -- George Ofman

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

Tommy Lasorda:

I believe managing is like holding a dove in your hand. If you hold it too tightly you kill it, but if you hold it too loosely, you lose it.

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“Ain't no sense worryin' about the things you got control over, 'cause if you got control over 'em, ain't no sense worryin'. And ain't no sense worryin' about the things you don't got control over, 'cause if you don't got control over 'em, ain't no sense worryin'.” ― Mickey Rivers

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

"Bill Dickey is learning me to catch real good."

--Yogi

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The Spaceman Do they leave it (Fenway's Green Monster) there during the game?"

"Hell, if KY jelly went off the market, the whole California Angels pitching staff would be out of baseball."

"If it had been me out there, I'd had bitten him his ear off. I'd have Van Gogh'ed him." Source: Five Seasons (Roger Angell)

"I'm mad at Hank (Aaron) for deciding to play one more season. I threw him his last home run and thought I'd be remembered forever. Now, I'll have to throw him another."

"I think about the cosmic snowball theory. A few million years from now the sun will burn out and lose its gravitational pull. The earth will turn into a giant snowball and be hurled through space. When that happens it won't matter if I get this guy out."

"I would change policy, bring back natural grass and nickel beer. Baseball is the belly-button of our society. Straighten out baseball, and you straighten out the rest of the world." Source: Los Angeles Times (February 3, 1977)

"Kids don't learn the fundamentals of baseball at the games anymore."

"Most of the managers are lifetime .220 hitters. For years pitchers have been getting these managers out 75% of the time and that's why they don't like us."

"People are too hung up on winning. I can get off on a really good helmet throw." Source: The Baseball Card Engagement Book (1990)

"That was real baseball. We weren't playing for money. They gave us Mickey Mouse watches that ran backwards."

"The designated gerbil (nickname given to Don Zimmer by Spaceman Lee)."

"The more self-centered and egotistical a guy is, the better ballplayer he's going to be."

"The only rule I got is if you slide, get up." Source: USA Today (October 25, 1989)

"The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing. I said I believed in drug testing a long time ago. All through the sixties I tested everything."

"There's nothing in the world like the fatalism of the Red Sox fans, which has been bred into them for generations by that little green ballpark, and the wall, and by a team that keeps trying to win by hitting everything out of sight and just out-bombarding everyone else in the league. All this makes Boston fans a little crazy and I'm sorry for them." Source: Late Innings (Roger Angell)

"You have two hemispheres in your brain - a left and a right side. The left side controls the right side of your body and right controls the left half. It's a fact. Therefore, left-handers are the only people in their right minds." Source: Sports Illustrated (April 7, 1980)

"You should enter a ballpark the way you enter a church."

"You take a team with twenty-five assholes and I'll show you a pennant. I'll show you the New York Yankees."

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I'm going to bounce from the spot for awhile but I will be back at some point to argue with you about this hoops stuff again. Playoffs have been great this season. See ya up the road.

I'm out.

Never heard that one before! Classic from # 337.

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"One time Cool Papa Bell hit a line drive right past my ear. I turned around and saw the ball hit his ass sliding into second." --Satchel Paige

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Respectfully fixed.

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"This is Chicago, my friend. Anything can happen."

Momentum is tomorrow's starting pitcher.
Vin Scully

Brett Jackson's ceiling is Mike Trout.

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Only if he gets "run support".

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

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"You spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball, and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time." --Jim Bouton

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I love referencing this at work. A coworker will say something like "Hey, did you hear from Caroline about so and so's audit?" I'll respond with "Carolin needs to worry where the fuck her next lay is coming from!"

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-- source

A better rant than Elia's.....it's equal, at least.

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"I was meanin' to say foul and I was sayin' fair. Lou was

sayin' fair and we was both sayin' fair. The umpires were sayin' OK, I guess,

and they left it fair. That's what happened. I mean, instead of sayin' foul, I

was sayin' fair. I meant to say foul, but I wasn't sayin' foul. Maybe I was

thinkin' about Robin (Ventura's ball) earlier when he thought it was foul and

it was fair. So, it was like one of those who's-on-first-what's-on-second

situations there. Again, I'm thinkin' I'm sayin' foul but I'm actually sayin'

fair. Lou's sayin' fair, so it's like OK ... it's fair. Three outs. I was

meanin' to say foul. But you know what? I don't know if it was fair or foul, to

be honest with you. We didn't have an angle."

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

Some good ones from Lefty Gomez:

"A lot of things run through your head when you're going in to relieve in a tight spot. One of them was, 'Should I spike myself?'"

"He (Jimmie Foxx) has muscles in his hair."

"Hell, Lou (Gehrig) it took fifteen years to get you out of a game. Sometimes I'm out in fifteen minutes."

"I'd rather be lucky than good."

"I'm throwing as hard as I ever did, but the ball is just not getting there as fast."

"I talked to the ball a lot of times in my career. I yelled, "Go foul. Go foul."

"I've got a new invention. It's a revolving bowl for tired goldfish."

"I want to thank all my teammates who scored so many runs and Joe DiMaggio, who ran down so many of my mistakes."

"I was the worst hitter ever. I never even broke a bat until last year when I was backing out of the garage."

"No one hit home runs the way Babe (Ruth) did. They were something special. They were like homing pigeons. The ball would leave the bat, pause briefly, suddenly gain its bearings, then take off for the stands."

"One rule I had was make your best pitch and back up third base. That relay might get away and you've got another shot at him."

"The secret of my success was clean living and a fast outfield."

"When Neil Armstong first set foot on the moon, he and all the space scientists were puzzled by an unidentifiable white object. I knew immediately what it was. That was a home run ball hit off me in 1933 by Jimmie Foxx."

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"Now comes good sailing. Moose. Indian."