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| AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates https://mail.chicagofanatics.com/viewtopic.php?f=92&t=88044 |
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| Author: | bigfan [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:47 am ] |
| Post subject: | AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
So it’s been a week since I was DFA’ed. And yesterday, my ties to the Boston Red Sox were officially cut. So now I’m out here, floating through Major League Baseball like some great, untethered zeppelin just looking for a place to call home for a couple months. And I’m fine with that. Maybe I’ll latch on to a team that ends up officially eliminating you guys from contention on an accidental bloop single off my bat. That’d be kinda cool. Or maybe I’ll just hang out at my brother-in-law’s pub and bait shop and swill craft beers all day while figuring new ways to spend the money you paid me. Either way, I know this is just business, and that’s how it goes. What I’m finding hard to swallow, however, is this bullshit smear job you guys have been pulling on me since I was unceremoniously dumped. I mean, it’s not like anyone on the team made it easy on me. On the very first day I showed up at spring training, a couple goons pulled me aside, explained that I parked in a spot reserved for Ortiz’s son’s minibike, and whipped me with a chain. But hey, I’m a professional. I figured it was some sort of hazing thing, like my first day with the White Sox when they told me that holding Scott Podsednik’s balls in the shower was part of my job description. Who am I to question? Turns out, though, that you guys made up your minds long ago that I wasn’t gonna get in your little clique. How else do you explain the way you’d all drone on for hours about how awesome it was when you all had beards last year, when you know damn well that due to an injury suffered on a summer camp visit to a candy factory, when my pores were sealed with caramel, I’m physically incapable of growing one? Or how someone would yell, “Salty woulda had that!” whenever I’d drop something in the clubhouse? Or how I’d return to my locker after each game to find that someone had set all my clothes on fire. And that crap about me being aloof and always on my phone in a corner of the clubhouse? For your information, whenever I was on my phone, I was checking in on Babatunde, an orphaned boy in Uganda whom I’ve been financially supporting since his village was decimated by pirates and/or robots (I was never very clear on the specifics). Babatunde is unable to speak due to the mouth disease he’s contracted from a lack of fluoride in the water supply, and I sent him a smart phone so we could text each other. So PARDON ME if I was trying to bring a smile to the face of an orphaned Ugandan boy with no shoes and shitty teeth and didn’t have time to listen to yet ANOTHER story about how Jonny Gomes wanted to track down the Marathon bombers on his own or how Mike Carp becomes photoflourescent after drinking Mountain Dew. And if I have to see Napoli shotgun another canned ham… well, let’s just say it’ll be too soon. As I said, I’m a professional. I’ve been here before. You don’t get to be “the most hated man in baseball” without getting used to teammates throwing shade. I’ll just close by saying if you’re gonna come out and tell the world what an asshole I am, you might want to let them in on your own special brand of hospitality. PS: Has anyone noticed their toothbrush tasting kinda funny? Just checking. Bye. |
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| Author: | badrogue17 [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:53 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
If this is serious, Aj's got bigger balls than Dungy. Complaining about how you were hazed? Sounds like the part about Ortiz's kid's parking space would be exactly something he would pull if a teammate parked in his spot. Fuck him. enjoy the summer off and the rest of your career as a backup. Caramel pores ??  what a fucking douche.
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| Author: | RFDC [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:59 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
No way that is real |
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| Author: | bigfan [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:00 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
No doubt there was a clique and he didnt get in it. Well done by AJ to mock a situation that was probably bad and thats why he was cut. Big Papi probably does think he was serious. Hot caramel is serious bizness as well! |
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| Author: | spanky [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:00 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
badrogue17 wrote: If this is serious, Aj's got bigger balls than Dungy. Complaining about how you were hazed? Sounds like the part about Ortiz's kid's parking space would be exactly something he would pull if a teammate parked in his spot. Fuck him. enjoy the summer off and the rest of your career as a backup. Caramel pores ?? what a fucking douche.You think this is serious? |
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| Author: | DannyB [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
Ha, good stuff. |
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| Author: | badrogue17 [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:07 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
spanky wrote: badrogue17 wrote: If this is serious, Aj's got bigger balls than Dungy. Complaining about how you were hazed? Sounds like the part about Ortiz's kid's parking space would be exactly something he would pull if a teammate parked in his spot. Fuck him. enjoy the summer off and the rest of your career as a backup. Caramel pores ?? what a fucking douche.You think this is serious? Well its close enough sounding to something he would write that I had to ask. I guess thats the genius of it huh? |
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| Author: | spmack [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
I was believe it until Ortiz and the goons came along. |
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| Author: | stoneroses86 [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 11:28 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
Q.Bovifs wrote: I hope he manages the White Sox some day - they will win multiple World Series.  "What did you just say?" |
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| Author: | Colonel Angus [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
RFDC wrote: No way that is real Yeah, there wasn't one use of the "N-word". |
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| Author: | Darkside [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
Naggers? |
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| Author: | SpiralStairs [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
Darkside wrote: Naggers? Ok, who can work in a Seinfeld reference now? |
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| Author: | Chus [ Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
SpiralStairs wrote: Ok, who can work in a Seinfeld reference now? Quote: PS: Has anyone noticed their toothbrush tasting kinda funny? Just checking. Bye.  
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| Author: | Frank Coztansa [ Mon Jul 28, 2014 12:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
Quote: I’ll just close by saying if you’re gonna come out and tell the world what an asshole I am, you might want to let them in on your own special brand of hospitality. Agree with this 100%. I'm sure AJ was (at least) a bit of an asshole, but the Red Sox seem to have cornered the market on their own special brand of douchebagginess.
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| Author: | Don Tiny [ Mon Jul 28, 2014 1:03 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AJ's Letter to His Ex Teammates |
Frank Coztansa wrote: Quote: I’ll just close by saying if you’re gonna come out and tell the world what an asshole I am, you might want to let them in on your own special brand of hospitality. Agree with this 100%. I'm sure AJ was (at least) a bit of an asshole, but the Red Sox seem to have cornered the market on their own special brand of douchebagginess.You're agreeing with a fake letter? |
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