Gloria: Do you know that sixty percent of all deaths in America are caused by guns? Archie Bunker: Would it make you feel any better, little girl, if they was pushed out of windows?
Mike Stivic: Why couldn't they say "Buddha, bless you" in Chinese? Archie Bunker: Because they don't say that, that's why. If they say... Well, if they say anything at all, it's "Sayonara". Mike Stivic: That's Japanese. Archie Bunker: Same thing. Mike Stivic: It's not the same thing! Archie Bunker: What are you talking about? You put a Jap and a Chink together, you gonna tell me which is which? Mike Stivic: That's right, because I find out about them. I talk to them as individuals. Archie Bunker: Sure you talk to them. You say, "Which one of you guys is the Chink?"
Archie Bunker: Lemme tell ya, Edith, you can't really *buy* beer... you can only rent it.
Archie: I'm gonna go into town and get me a good Jew lawyer. Mike Stivic: Do you always have to label people? Why can't you just get a lawyer. Why does it have to be a Jewish lawyer? Archie: Because if I'm going to sue an "A-rab," I want a guy that's full o' hate!
Gloria Stivic: Daddy, what I don't understand is how can the Duke be alive if he threw himself on a grenade? Archie Bunker: 'Cause it was an Italian grenade. It was a dud like everything else them Pasta-Fazoos made.
Gloria: You know, pizza's actually not from Italy. I read that Marco Polo discovered it in China and then brought it back to Italy. Archie: Leave it to a dago to go halfway around the world to get a take-home meal.
Archie Bunker: All over the world they celebrate the birth of that baby, and everybody gets time off from work. Now if that ain't proof that he's the Son of God, then nothing is.
Archie Bunker: God don't make no mistakes, that's how He got to be God.
Mike Stivic: We're going to see something you know nothing about: culture. [Shows him the art exhibit book] Archie Bunker: Oh ho ho, look at this. No wonder he's getting himself so excited, it's one of his own here: A Polack art exhibit. Mike Stivic: That's 'Pollock'. Jackson Pollock. He happens to be a great American artist. Archie Bunker: Well he sure paints Polish. Look at this: he splashes and smears the paint over everything here. What do you mean? A monkey could do that. A great American artist? There ain't a tree or a flag or a president in the whole damn book. Mike Stivic: I'd explain it to you, Arch, but first you'd have to move your brain ahead two centuries. Archie Bunker: Why don't you go take a short walk on a long pier? Mike Stivic: Ha, you can't even get that right! It's take a long walk off a short pier. Archie Bunker: Then do that.
Edith Bunker: I think he's right, Archie. Like, you haven't said the word "Coon" in almost a year. Archie Bunker: What are you talking about? I say it everyday. Mike Stivic: You haven't said it in front of us. Archie Bunker: Alright then: Coon! Coon! Coon! You wanted it, you got it.
Archie Bunker: Now don't go telling Lionel! He'll get on his tom-tom and alert all the other jungle bunnies
_________________ "That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky “Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”
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