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????

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holy shit..that was fantastic...easily the best episode in 2 seasons...coincidence that whiny bitch with the giant eyebrows was absent?

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Okay, that was easily the best episode of the series so far. Easily. Hands down.

Random Observations (MILD SPOILERS, you've been warned)
- This episode benefits exponentially from 1 thing: no Qarth. Qarth has been such a bungled mess of writing and misadventures in screenplay that it's hard to imagine the House of the Undying's tripping-balls sequence will save it from the disaster that it's become. I'm looking forward to Daenerys, Jorah and the crew's progression through the next couple seasons, but there's no way this creative team can be proud of how they handled the long-winded and cluttered plight of the mother of dragons.

- This is the first episode in a long while that Cersei didn't come off as really annoying. I like drunk Cersei. Her drunkenness reveals her true cunning self that is plain spoken and her strange life has made her almost completely insane. Props to Lena Heady for recovering from a pretty up and down season. This is what she'll be remembered for.

- I'm digging the new throne room. Say what you will about Joffrey, but he knows how to redecorate.

- Bronn comes out of this episode looking like a badass. The book hints at it, but Bronn's starting to realize just how much of an ass-kicker he really is, and he pretty much steals the show. Hope he remains relevant in season 3.

- Rory McCann's been waiting for this episode for almost two long seasons. This episode and the further adventures of The Hound are why they cast Rory McCann in the first place. He's done a fantastic job of bringing this guy off the page, and he doesn't miss a beat.

- They gave Podrick just the right amount of due here. We hear his name, see his face, he fulfills what he's meant to fulfill. A part that could've easily been dismissed, but I'm glad they made an effort to note his presence.

- I was extremely pleased that they have the golden hand necklace as part of Tyrion's armor, as well as FINALLY letting him have his axe (and showing him use it).

- I was slightly bummed they didn't tell Varys' background story, but they teased it well enough. The book saves this for later on, but when he does tell it I'm sure Conleth Hill will do a hell of a job.

- My favorite quote, for some reason: "Been spendin' time with fancy folks."

- Joffrey may as well have had Sansa suck peanut butter off of his balls right there in the throne room. His fetish, however, is killing cats with a crossbow. Also why the hell hasn't he been seen wearing a crown most of this season? It's bothered the hell out of me. He's the fucking king. Crown his ass!


- The holdfast scenes were excellently handled. In the books they are a critical portion of the battle's story and hold just as much tension as does all the explosions and gore. We get to see the best of Lena Heady/Cersei as she explains the truth of royalty to Sansa.

- The wildfire explosion was goddamn awesome. I watched the episode here at work ("work" being the operative word in that statement) and when the arrow lit the ecto-cooler I shouted something along the lines of "HOLY FUCKBALLS!"

- Props to Stannis, he's certainly no pussy. He leads the vanguard and does so without a helmet, or much armor for that matter.

- Nice to see Ser Dontos once again all trussed up as the Royal Fool. For those of you who haven't read the books, that tiny reminder of his presence was intentional.

- The special effects department had a field day with gore in this one. From "head exploding due to falling boulder" to "(insert body part) getting lopped off," it was a fantastic display of "because we can" mutilation and slaughter.

- Just when we thought we'd get to know Shae better, dammit. Interesting enough that she refuses to do that in season 1 while playing a drinking game, whereas in this situation Cersei is more or less doing the same thing with Sansa.

- Whoever they got to play Ilyn Payne looks like he's meant to be in a bunch of bad Tim Burton movies.

- Peter Dinklage showed why he's got the top billing for the series with this episode alone. After 8 episodes of spotty appearances, he gets nearly a full episode to remind everyone why he won that Emmy. Plus he chops a dudes leg off, which merited a hearty, "FUCK YEAH!" from yours truly.

- "I dropped my doll, now I am no longer a little girl." Blatant metaphor is blatant. That being said, that was a chilling scene between Sansa and The Hound.

- They handled Tyrion's injury exactly as I had figured. They clearly weren't going to make their top star and audience favorite a noseless grotesque. Badass scar across the face will suffice.

- Here's a link to the Lannister song from the credits. If it sounds familiar, it's because Tyrion's whistled it several times this season.

- What truly sucks ass is that the season is going to end on a weird note with the lesser storylines all coming together for what is no doubt going to be a lackluster season finale. They did this last season with the tremendous "Baelor" preceding the humdrum "Fire & Blood," and based on what we're going to see it simply can't compare. Who else is excited to watch Jon Snow and Arya take the first steps in many episodes in moving along from their stagnant doldrums while Dany rescues her dragons (or whatever the hell these writers intend to do with the House of the Undying)? Anyone? Beuller?

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Also, for anyone interested in the technical aspects of this huge episode's production, check this out.

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don't we all?

not to mention dear lena over there.... she's sarah conner! loved her way more than linda hamilton cuz i actually wanna fuck the future and be like get over here mom!

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You're not a Lannister, so you have no chance of fucking her, hard or gentle. But maybe if you're blonde and on the thin side you could maybe fool her.

And the boat's wheel was tied down with a shit-ton of ropes.

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this was one for the ages. of course there are still some deviations from the book but it was an epic episode. the wildfire was just amazing to look at.

one thing that does kinda bother me - why did they give tommen darker hair? he has curly locks for a reason. none of the baratheon children should in any way shape or form resemble robert. did i miss an episode where they dyed his hair or something?

Great episode. Dewskie hit the nail on the head regarding the season finales of this show. Last year did the same thing. Awesome second to last episode and a meh season finale.

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They did an above average job with the battle. The wildfire was great, however I don't think they did a good job showing the scale of the aftermath of the destruction in the bay. They should've had all the boats lined up together burning like in the book and had Tyrion go out on the boats to fight.

They also half assed Tyrion's contributions to the battle. He did a lot more than cut one guys leg off in the book.

Skipping the chain was stupid and also served to diminish Tyrion's contributions.

Having Loras in Renly's armor was handled very poorly. I doubt the common viewer had any clue that was Renly's armor and I bet most of them don't even remember who Loras is. They should've at least had someone commenting that it was Renly's armor and wondering if it was Renly's ghost that was fighting. IN fact, I just went and asked my mom (avid viewer, hasn't read the books) if she had any clue that that was Loras in Renly's armor and she said she recognized him when he took his helmet off, but didn't remember who exactly he was. And she had no clue about the armor. Very poorly executed by HBO/producers.

And lastly, I was not happy they made no mention of the wildfire being more potent/abundant now that there are dragons alive. Maybe they will cover that in the finale, but I doubt it. not a huge deal, but I think knowing tha magic is more potent when dragons are alive is kind of a bid deal to the big picture of the series.


SPOILER>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


As poorly as they handled "renly's ghost" I can't even begin to guess how they are going to butcher the reemergence of Barrister the Bold next season. 90% of the viewers are gonna be like, who the fuck is that guy????

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loras was the burrito with the long hair who is being blackmailed by the imp? are the books sexually graphic like the show ? i bought a bootleg season 1 for my mom and she has read a couple books but i dunno about getting her season 2...lotta sexually explicit scenes that i don't think i want my mom to see..like some of those brothel scenes...anyway i think the finale is going to be great.

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Funny you should say that about Loras because until I read the books I also thought Loras and Lancel were the same person. Loras is the gay guy who was hooking up with Renly. Renly married Loras' sister Margery. Lancel is a cousin of Tyrion, he was a squire for King Robert and he was fucking his cousin the queen on the side. He's the one who Tyrion blackmailed. Last night he took a crossbow arrow o the chest during the battle. Two totally different people.

Yes, the book has a lot of graphic sex talk. I'm under the impression that the author has never gotten laid and he's a closet pedophile based on reading these books. Way too much sex talk and way too much sex talk revolving around children.

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Yup!

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If each episode was 3 hours long and had three times the budget, your gripes would have merit. But because it's a 53 minute episode based on a book that's bloated with tedious character development and they had to beg HBO for more money just to get this episode made, this episode was damn near perfect to emphasize the key points of the battle while progressing the story and giving each character their just due.



No, that was Lancel Lannister, his cousin. Loras is the Knight of the Flowers who beat Gregor Clegane in the joust during season 1 and rode in at the end of the last episode with Tywin to salvage victory. And the sex is nowhere near that graphic in the book. It's talked about but it's more or less tasteful in comparison to some of the bullshit in other books. If your mom's read any trashy romance novels she won't bat an eye.



I'm sure they'll touch on that in the next episode/season 3 premiere. That entire connection is an insanely important aspect of the 3rd book, so it should be addressed.

There's not that much sex talk in comparison to pretty much any modern novel with a romantic subplot, and the only reason the characters are all so young is that he's based their ages on the context of a medieval-type era of this other world, where life expectancy is much shorter and the young are forced to grow up a lot faster in their culture. Basically at the age of 12 or 13, you are considered an adult within this world. When developing the Westeros world he buried himself in research of the dark ages, and based a lot of the culture for Westeros on what he found fascinating and/or realistic for that time period. There's no graphic sex with little girls, and if there are moments with some of the younger characters that involves something sexual, it either doesn't take place or is clearly looked upon as something horrifying. He doesn't glorify it, as you seem to imagine.

And saying all that shit about GRRM based on your misguided interpretation of his books is pretty weak.

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Kind of surprised the Reeds might still be in the picture.

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I wonder if Reed Johnson's greensight shows him striking out all the time in important moments?

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You know me like that.

Of course - I love the books, don't get me wrong, but the entire second novel is nearly all character development with very little in the way of major action until the final few kickass chapters.

You're right, the reason this series is fantastic is because of that development, but you have to factor that into the show's writing. Condensing a book that introduces so many more characters, regions, motivations, and assorted stratagem was always going to result in things that fans would consider Untouchable being cut. Was the non-factor of the chain unfortunate? Yes. Was the wildfire arguably underutilized? Sure. Was it a drag the battle wasn't quite as drawn out with the detail in the chapters? Of course.

But considering the confines of the medium and the nimble skill the writers have had to employ all season to progress these characters while still setting the table for this battle so that it's meaningful, I'd say they did a hell of a job. That doesn't excuse them for the clusterfuck that's been Qarth, but I feel like they did a great job.

After the season finale next week I'm going to do a speed-run through all 10 episodes to see if it flows better that way, and try to take some notes on what they got right/wrong, and what you guys should look for once you watch season 2 again.

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How many millions of dollars would it have cost HBO to have someone yell out "hey, why the fuck is Renly here kicking ass?"

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In the book you don't even see it happen. You simply hear about it, and "Renly's Ghost" was Loras' brother trussed up in Renly's armor who helped raise morale, but nothing more. Considering this event happened in the final 90 seconds of the show during something of a montage overlaid by Cersei's near poisoning of Tommen, it would've been goofy as shit to explain that "RENLY'S BACK" immediately followed by "NO, HE'S NOT, MY BAD."

It's something really mundane to get upset over, is more to the point.

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They made a pretty big deal about it in the book considering the talked about it for all of book 3 before finally explaining in book 4 how the illusion was pulled off.

And who said I was upset about it? Just pointing out that it was poorly executed which it was.

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I see what you're saying, but you're implying that it's an important detail, which it's not.

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is stanis' army done? or will they regroup?

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Oh, wouldn't you like to know?

Stannis is destined for his destiny and it will be sweet.

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Back off, Warchild. Seriously.

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I have a feeling the House of the Undying is gonna be teh suck.

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Agreed. It was such a strange perplexing haze in the book, full of visions, prophecies, and illusions. As I read it I even thought it would translate poorly to television. I guess we'll find out.

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More stray observations:

- Cersei seems to punch Lancel in the right tit, but that's not where his arrow wound was sustained earlier. I thought maybe she stabbed him or something, but I think it's just a continuity goof.

- I think my new favorite part of the episode is The Hound talking to Sansa. You can see the ache in Sandor's face when he asks Sansa if she wants to go home. Rory McCann does a fantastic job, and steals the episode easily.

- A lot of what this episode does a great job of doing is showing great attention to detail to sell this world as real. Just look at the quality of the armor. It's insanely intricate despite never being on camera long enough to grasp that detail. Stannis' breastplate has the flaming heart/stag sigil, Joffrey's has a lot of lions all over it (and what look like fish, for some reason), etc etc. The Stannis men storming the beach shouting, "lord of light" and "the one true god" are nice touches.

- A bit of what I've read about Stannis around the webz has made me a bit perplexed about what the show's done with his motivations. At first glance of watching "Blackwater" you think 'holy shit - Stannis is a badass motherfucker!" However I forgot about what Varys mentioned to Tyrion earlier (that Stannis has employed Melisandre and potentially the ancient magic of the old world), and Varys' fear is genuine. By throwing that in there it sort of sets it up that Stannis charges into the battle so recklessly and indifferent to the wildfire because he is sure he won't die. He's the chosen one of R'hllor, so he's impervious to harm. The conflict with that is he never gave a fuck about the red god, and for all intensive purposes seems to only want to use Melisandre for getting the power he feels owed. The counter-argument to that is that Robert was an insane badass in the heat of battle, so this may simply be a display of the Baratheon trademark asskicking, but it's hard to say.

- Drunk Cersei kind of sounds like Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean.

- I find it odd that Ser Loras, renowned for his intricate beautiful armor and, shall we say, fabulous style (as far as Westeros knights go, that is) is wearing simple dull plate for this battle. Not to say that Loras doesn't embrace the practical, it just seems like this would not be such a venue. Hmm.

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see NOW we're talking. when you're getting stalked by a desperate nobody e-list celebrity from england, you need to talk about the jango fett of her universe.... you know, the archetype that set up all other tit-free skinny english women and taught them that someday they could grow up to be natalie portman's body double.

i have a poster in my basement of keira in full warrior gear shooting a bow and arrow and it inspired me to greatness every day. she might not have secretly made me a rap beat or anything, but hey, keira never had to stalk me. she's way too cool for that.

now keira keira keira, oh you are the straw that stirs this mixed drink over here and when you've got some english bitch mocking you all day like i'm supposed to give her credit for the goddamn future telling her how to defeat me, well, here's the only question that matters:

are YOU natalie portman's body double? see i honestly tried finding an alexa chung poster but there's no such thing.

and OMFG WE ARE AN AWESOME TEAM. someone has the ability to let youtube work at my house. and the denorex is tingling.

so eat it bitch.... you might be everything, but you are NOT natalie portman's body double. that's why there's no rollin with alexa chung rap song sketch on SNL. you're not andy samberg cool.

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