I thought it was the curveball that JoBu couldn't help Jordan hit.

Serious question JORR: Do you think Dan Bernstein some sort of homoerotic fixation on the black athlete? I'm not trying to discredit that thought, but that's just what I'm inferring from your post.

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

I'm not JORR, but:

I think he's overcommitting to "black people are superior athletes" and unintentionally sounding gay.

Oh god, he JUST as I wrote this went back to the "basketball players go to work at their office" thing AGAIN compared to baseball players who just fuck around all day

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AHEM

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You know me like that.

If it makes you feel any better this guy is on my Mult Rushmore

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So when Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton pulled guns on each other in the locker room that was just a calculated business decision?

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A Day At The Office

1) make coffee
2) open mail
3) rub Flexol on self
4) make second cup of coffee
5) light filing and data entry
6) pull guns on each other

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JORR is just kissing up so he can be in the next movie.

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They didn't pull guns on eachother.

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Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

I don't really believe he's a latent homosexual but I think he sees the "prototypical black athlete"- if there is such a thing- as some sort of perfectly distilled essence of alpha manhood and he's attracted to that. Or at least he admires it. I guess that's what I find somewhat offensive about it. The skin color is definitely a huge part of it. When the same type of physical specimen is white, e.g. Urlacher, Butkus, Hampton, Hansbrough, they are simply meatheads to be mocked mercilessly.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

I was with you up until you said Hansbrough was a prime physical specimen. He is a big goof. Swap out Tebow for him and I am right back there with you.

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Come on. Hansbrough would beat the fuck out of most people either of us know, black or white, and beat most of them at whatever sport you want to pick. Don't you find it ironic that a small, weak broadcaster finds the time to talk about his exploits in turning around 95 mph fastballs and dunking tennis balls while at the same time denigrating a guy who is capable of averaging 10 and 5 against the best athletes in the world?

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

I love JORR

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

You're a young man! A young man.

You only know it since the railroad came.

A lot different before, Mr. Scott. A lot different.

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You know me like that.

Chaunce and Mangino.

May they rest in peace.

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This describes what every single major league baseball player does for an hour before every single game. Except that hitting a 70+ mph batting practice ball is harder than hitting 15 foot jumpers all alone during warmups.

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But they go back to the clubhouse and drink beer or eat ice cream or generally sit around wasting time. That's not appropriate office behavior, mister. (Drinking coffee is okay.)

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While those goofy strange hockey players have turned their locker rooms into a perpetual game of hot lava.

Also, yeah, as if NHL players, the guys who grew up going to practices at 4 in the morning to stand in one spot and shoot buckets of pucks to the same part of the net, don't have the NBA player's holy reverence for "his moneymaker" that feeds his damn family. All they do is defend custom upholstery and fuck underage girls; any playing around on the ice is strictly incidental.

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Basketball was the only sport I played in high school, so obviously I would love to say that they are right on the basketball athletes are the best thoughts. They aren't. In fact, basketball probably isn't even close. Yes, it is true that basketball players look the most impressive coming off the team bus. That is because basketball rewards height more than any other sport. There really is no counter to be taller than someone. Of course, a point guard can be shorter, or someone who can jump an insane amount can overcome it to some degree, but as this show loves to tell everyone, Lebron just being bigger is the reason that the Bulls with Derrick Rose might as well just forfeit every season for the next 5. I don't consider height to be athleticism. It's just an attribute.

If I was to play basketball against Patrick Kane, I'm fairly certain he would be punching me in the face in frustration as I dominated him. Does that make me more athletic than him? Of course it doesn't. It's just that my body type is most advantageous for basketball. If we were playing soccer or another lame sport like cross country he'd destroy me.

Also, the NBA is filled with nonathletic guys. I doubt that many people looked at Brian Scalabrine, Kyle Korver, and Omer Asik and said "PUT THESE GUYS IN ANY PROFESSIONAL LEAGUE ANYWHERE AND THEY ARE GOING TO BE GREAT". Yes, Lebron could likely play football, maybe play baseball, and definitely couldn't play hockey or soccer professionally. Eddy Curry? He probably couldn't play division 1 in any of those sports right now.

If I had to make my list, these would be at the top but not necessarily in order:
Football(American)
Tennis
Gymnastics

These would definitely not be on it:
Soccer(take out the endurance aspect and what do you really have?)
Basketball
Baseball
Any endurance based sport like running, or cycling.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

But you're just elevating certain physical traits over others to form your opinion on what athleticism is. There are plenty of fat, slow football players. Hell, the 60s were full of them and they were also white and tiny.

Coordination plays a big part in being an athlete. I would suggest baseball players are among the most coordinated. Just watch tape of the great Michael Jordan looking like a fucking spastic as he futilely tried to strike at balls pitched by minor league ciphers.

Whenever this conversation comes up I always like to tell the story of Alvin Elton and Phil Vernon. In fact, I may have related it here in the past, but at the risk of repeating myself, here goes.

Alvin and Phil were two guys I grew up with in Evanston. We used to play a lot of basketball in the local parks. Alvin was a short round guy, about 5'8", maybe a little over 200 lbs. I think he may be half Mexican. Phil looked like a fucking Adonis. His body was pretty similar to that of Derrick Rose. He was fast and strong. I believe he ran on the track team in high school. He wasn't a star, but ETHS track was a dominating thing at the time. Just to make the team you had to be good.

Nobody in his right mind would say that Alvin was a better athlete than Phil. Until you got on a basketball court with them. Phil just wasn't good. And Alvin had super coordination. He could see the court really well and he just had great control of his body that Phil lacked. And I would say the ability to control one's body is the heart of what we call athleticism.

I can remember picking teams with some guy we didn't know. Of course, he took Phil with his first pick and looked extremely puzzled when I took Alvin with mine. Everyone who knew the guys knew which team was going to be walking off the court at the end of that game.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

Which is what makes this whole exercise so fundamentally pointless. Anyone playing a sport at the highest professional level has near-superhuman athletic traits in one respect or another.

This whole thing was precipitated by Dan saying on twitter that the best athletes in the world were playing again, which in and of itself isn't really a big deal and doesn't necessarily have to mean anything about basketball supremacy. If Dan were as smart and mature about sports crap as he thinks he is, he'd have been able to roll with the punches from the handful of hockey dead-enders who just give him crap because it's what they do. But no, any perceived threat to his precious goddamn basketball has to be has to trigger these stupid crusades. My guys can jump higher than yours! They make more heads turn in restaurants! They're more interesting! They get better TV ratings! It's like playing "My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad," except at least that has the infinitesimal possibility of your dad taking you up on your claims and beating up the other guy's dad.

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It's another part of the bernstein Paradox. He can also wax poetic about CBA players who would be lucky to get a seven-day contract a couple times in their careers while calling Tyler Hansbrough "bad at basketball".

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

I'm more discounting certain physical traits. For instance, I don't think being tall is athletic even though it helps you. I don't think endurance is really a sign of athleticism. Pretty much anyone can build up enough endurance to do what needs to be done, unless it's a sport that only requires endurance like cycling or marathon. I've never seen a basketball player or football player fail because he was physically skilled enough, but just got tired. There is no greater example of this than an NFL offensive lineman. Those guys are massive freaks, and in many ways they look fat but they are able to play an entire game. I don't think that Lebron has more endurance than most other players in the NBA.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

Yo, JORR, do you think the fetishization of basketball coaches is part of the whole Noble Savage thing? The show has proper disdain for all other coaches of team sports. Football coaches are just screamy gym teachers in ugly polo shirts. Baseball managers are potbellied old has-beens who still tuck their pants into their socks as if they might need to pinch-hit. Hockey coaches, who fucking cares. But it's the basketball coach who dresses like a grown-ass man and, in teaching mostly black guys to play a nonviolent game, is able to use his running of a ton of stuff and past exploits of ton-of-stuff-running to civilize his charges into the sort of serious young men who can surpass the fratboy silliness of white sports culture and properly treat their locker room like the office it is. I suspect The White Shadow played a large part in the formative years of a Dan Bernstein.

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I do. He played almost 44 mpg in last year's playoffs and had the unusual position of being the main offensive option and guarding the other team's best guy in every game. There's a reason even the greatest of players usually dont play more than 40-42 mpg. It's really hard to do.

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Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

Okay, fair enough. But I do take issue with the idea that has become prevalent in the post-Jordan era that a player shouldn't be credited for his height. As in "Shaq is just tall." Height is a physical attribute like any other. And in the game of basketball it's a positive and highly-prized physical attribute. Saying "Shaq isn't great, he's just tall." is as ridiculous as saying "Iverson isn't great, he's just quick." If there are two guys who have exactly the same skillset and one is four inches taller, which one are you going to take?

It's similar when buying racehorses. A correctly-built big yearling is going to cost more than a correctly-built small yearling. Of course there have been great small horses- Good Time comes immediately to mind- but they are the exception rather than the rule.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

You've captured his narrative perfectly. The relationship between Thibs and Derrick is quite like the one between Coach Reeves and Coolidge.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

Yes I agree that athletes are athletic. I maintain the controversial position that Hansbrough is a big goof though.

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