~ Let's Write Bernstein's Column ~ Quote:
Bernstein: Be Bear-Ful What You Wish For
So.
You wanted it, you got it.
You, the Chicago sports fan, the one who doesn't realize that the Superfans of Saturday Night Live by way of the Second City are not the loving homage they're fallaciously perceived to be but rather a pointed critique ably employing the historically honed rapier of satire, got your Bear Weather.
And the only thing that the rain and mud, which allegedly forged the greatness of George Halas, Dick Butkus, and sundry ghosts of white people whose value to Chicago sports is as tragically misrecognized in its supremacist overtones as the so-called legends of hockey, sculpted in tonight's sodden kiln was another loss under the lights, and not just a loss in the standings but a loss at the most critical position in this or any sport.
The rainfall, despite its cinematic connotations -- reminiscent of the years we spent watching NFL Films highlight reels as large men conquered large adversity on small screens -- brought down with it not gridiron glory but pigskin pity, mucking up the finely calibrated motors of the Bears' Cover 2 engine and softening up the track for their thoroughbred quarterback. All the while, you, the Chicago sports fan, reveled in your rain, championing yourselves for overcoming the elements as a badge of civic pride, as if precipitation is believed to terminate roughly north of Indianapolis and east of Des Moines.
It's as easy and lazy for you to wrap yourself in storm clouds with the well-worn refrain of "bad weather helps the worse team" as it is for the otherwise ever-innovative veterans of the NBC crew to fall back on their B-roll footage of Art Institute lions and Chicago-style hot dogs being grilled for the masses. The truth is, however, that bad weather hurts the team running the Cover 2, with its reliance on execution, finesse, and landmarks -- and not the ones you see coming out of breaks as Al and Cris make their quotidian idle chitchat.
Worst of all, the poor field condition -- an all-too-common problem for years with Soldier Field, attributed as much to the Chicago Park District (and forces behind them, for the conspiratorial among us) as to the McCaskeys -- may have cost the Bears their quarterback, not just for the second half, but possibly the rest of the season, if not longer. As Jay Cutler's Vanderbilt brain browns and browns, we could see his skill set erode, most frighteningly as a precursor to his very humanity.
So you, the Bear Weather believer, take inventory of what has been brought down upon you. Think about the solid footing that you -- and the Bears -- have sacrificed in the stormclouds as you wash the clumps of wet earth from your shoes. As you wring out your socks, take a moment to think of the "bell ringing" suffered by Jay Cutler, and how it isn't merely "having his bell rung" at all. And as you warm back up with a cup of hot chocolate, think of how bittersweet it is to go forward into some very dark skies indeed, as games with the 49ers, Seahawks, and Vikings loom large on the horizon. Maybe then, you, the Chicago sports fan who outwardly sings paeans to his deep-dish pizza while silently yearning for authentic New York slices, will realize that your vaunted Bear Weather has rained you out. Next time you purport to support the local team and its finely-tuned defensive machine, hope for a sunny day.
We could all use some sunshine now.
_________________
Molly Lambert wrote:
The future holds the possibility to be great or terrible, and since it has not yet occurred it remains simultaneously both.
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