I thought Dear Abby was more of a "role" these days, a character personified by a varied progression of inhabitants, like Dr. Who or Neil Funk.

I thought Dear Abby was more of a "role" these days, a character personified by a varied progression of inhabitants, like Dr. Who or Neil Funk.

WIFE MEETS PERFECT MATCH AFTER HUSBAND STRIKES OUT

DEAR ABBY: I am 34 and have three children. My husband, “Gene,” and I have been married for 10 years. He is greedy, selfish, inconsiderate and rude. I don’t know why I married him, nor why our marriage has lasted this long.

Gene put off getting me a birthday gift for as long as he could; then he bought me a bowling ball. It was the last straw. Not only do I not bowl – he had the holes drilled for his fingers and his name was on it.

The next day I went to the bowling alley determined to keep the ball and learn to bowl. It was there that I met “Franco.” Franco is kind, considerate and loving – the polar opposite of Gene.

Franco and I began bowling together, and he bought me a glove in my size with my name on it. Shortly thereafter, our affair began. (I didn’t mention that I was married.)

When Gene saw the bowling glove on our dresser, he became depressed because he realized that I’d met someone. I feel sorry for Gene, but the last time I saw Franco, he proposed.

I no longer love Gene. I want to divorce him and marry Franco. At the same time, I’m worried that Gene won’t be able to move on with his life. I also think our kids would be devastated. What should I do? – STUCK IN A LOVE TRIANGLE

DEAR STUCK: You are not “stuck” in a love triangle. You deliberately put yourself into one by not being honest with Franco. Before you get in any deeper, put your house in order and tell your husband why you strayed. He may not realize how selfish, greedy, inconsiderate and rude you think he is. To save the marriage, he might be willing to change back to the man who bowled you over in the first place.

Next, apologize to Franco for not informing him of the fact that you are already married. He has a right to know the score – and after that, que sera sera.

If you hate Laurence, then don't listen - don't comment. When he co-hosts the B&B show, take that day off ... listen to an old podcast of a Bernstein solo show and jerk off all day.

What about Anne Landers?

Aw, Ann Landers sucks!

I smell a bit....