I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

AT GORILLA. WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYONE? STEPH MUST BE THINKING WITH HER TITS AGAIN. WOOD. WE HAVE A THREE HOUR SHOW TO DO!!! I'M PLANNING ON TURNING DEL RIO HEEL!!!!

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

APPARENTLY BUDDY RODGERS IS DEAD. CALLING THE AGENT FOR, HMPF, LONI ANDERSON TO REPLACE HIM AT THE POST-WRESTLEMANIA PARTY WITH WRESTLEMANIA NINE THEME. I'LL NEVER FORGIVE BUDDY FOR WHAT HE JUST DID.

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

WHY IS LONI ANDERSON CALLING ME? I WONDER IF THAT HELD UP? WHILE I CONTEMPLATE, I'M MAKING DEL RIO A HEEL.

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

AT GORILLA, MOCKING THIS PERFORMANCE ENHANCING BASEBALL DRUG DEAL WITH KIDMAN. WHO DO THESE GUYS THINK THEY ARE TRYING MY GAME? ASKING KIDMAN IF HE'S EVER HEARD OF THIS ALEX RODRIGUEZ. KIDMAN APPARENTLY CRYING IN ANOTHER OF MANY MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS. WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID PUDGY PETE?

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

Vince is freaking me out asking me to look at his pelvis. Time to head back to craft services for some cake.

There is not a damned thing wrong with people who are bull shitters.

KIDMAN OFF TO CATERING. AGAIN. HAYES TELLING ME ABOUT THE WHOLE TORRIE WILSON THING. AH HA. COMING UP WITH SOME STRONG WORDS TO GET KIDMAN THROUGH ALL OF THIS DEAL.

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

NOT SURE WHY THAT DIDN'T GO WELL? TOLD KIDMAN FORMER WWE DIVAtmTORRIE WAS A GREAT SCREW, I KNOW, BUT IT'S TIME TO GET OVER IT. THESE KIDS TODAY. HAYES SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DISAPPROVAL. I'M SHAKING MY NOSE AT THIS BUNK GEORGIA COKE HE CALLS A GOOD TIME.

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

WHAT ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT HERE? ONE ENCOUNTER? THIS IS WHAT I CALL TUESDAY, OR 1/1,234,990 OF MY PORTION OF MY NON-DESTROYED WEALTH VIA POLITICS. FUCK YOU, AND FUCK AMATEUR WHORE SEEKERS. THEY LIKE HAIR ON THE BALLS AND EXPERIENCE. NOT THESE CHIT CHAT INTERNET KIDS. IF I COULD MONETIZE YOUR SHIT, I WOULD. TOUT YOU.

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

There is not a damned thing wrong with people who are bull shitters.

A GUY LIKE ME COULD USE A SIMILAR NAME ON THE INTERNET TO SCORE A HOOKER. THAT COULD BE LEAKED TO THE MEDIA AND HURT POLITICAL CAMPAIGNS, RIGHT? I MEAN STOP THEM BEFORE THEY GET STARTED AGAIN? A GUY LIKE ME COULD FUCK STUFF UP LIKE THAT. WHY NOT ME? WHO'S THIS VINCE MCMAHONCAP, CHAIRMAN OF WWE ENTERTAINMENT? OH, IT'S ME! GETTING LAID AND SAVING MILLIONS. THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING DO.

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

There is not a damned thing wrong with people who are bull shitters.

LINDA TELLING ME ABOUT THIS NEXT POLITICAL RUN. TELLING LINDA WE'RE GOING TO LEARN FROM PREVIOUS MISTAKES. SETTING UP A REY MYSTERIO PILLOW IN MY SPACIOUS ESTATE BACKYARD. WE'RE GOING TO RACE TO IT. THE PERSON TO SECURE THIS FUCKING MIDGET PILLOW WINS. MAYBE I'LL GET SOME GAINS OUT OF THAT XFL, EVEN WITH THE BUM HIP. FUCK MY TAX ARRANGEMENT MARRIAGE AND FUCK YOU.

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

Oh...Eastern Illinois. They contacted me. I didn't take the entrance exam because I had 64 crayons instead of 3. But I loved going through Central Illinois. Watching people on bad cooked up Tide is the best.

WAIT, THAT'S ACTUALLY REY MYSTERIO. WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING ON MY LAWN?

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

I'm picturing a 12 year old Bob Loblaw bitching out a Randy Savage Wrestling Buddy for botching his finisher. Also envisioning Bob Loblaw getting bitched at for lighting the living room table on fire for said finisher.

Landscaping probably.

There is not a damned thing wrong with people who are bull shitters.

FIRING THE NEW LANDSCAPER FOR STOOGING MY ADDRESS TO MYSTERIO. TELLING HIM I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HIS NEXT RUN. BUT MCMAHON 14' SHIRTS COULD QUICKLY BE REPLACED WITH 619 SHIRTS. MYSTERIO NODDING, HIS STUPID CONTACTS MAKING ME WANT TO KILL. READY FOR THE XFL KICKOFF.

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

MAKING LINDA PUT ON A CNN SHIRT. A GUY LIKE ME COULD ADD STIPULATIONS FOR MOTIVATION. WHY NOT ME? HAVE YOU WATCHED ONE OF MY PAY PER VIEW'S, OR ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE WHORE HUNTING INTERNET CHAPS THAT STEALS THEM?

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

GOING INSIDE FOR A PRE-KICKOFF SMALL MUSCLE MILK AND GLANCE THE INTERNET. THIS COMPETITION IS MAKING ME HORNY. BIG GAL, SMALL GAL?

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

WHY IS PAUL IN THE RING? WHAT PPV IS NEXT? WHAT YEAR IS IT? WHY DOES PAUL HEYMAN STILL SMELL LIKE A HAM SANDWICH WITH SPOILED MAYO? I WONDER IF MY DAD HAD DAYS LIKE THIS?

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.

LOOK PAL, I WAS CATCHING MY 1 1/2 HOURS. IT'S 11:07 EST. YOU WANT FIREWORKS? I'LL GIVE YOU FIREWORKS! HOW ABOUT I BRING BACK ANDRE? ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME? I CAN SEE WHAT YOU WANT.

I would cover for SHARK, Drop In, Dave in Champaign, my Mom, and Urlacher's Missing Neck. After that, the list gets pretty thin. There are a few people about whom I would definitely fabricate charges.