Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 11:36 pm
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In the wake of the news.
Look For Bears To Make Another Non-impact Pick
April 14, 2000|By Bernie Lincicome.
The six most terrifying words in Chicago, other than "Jerry Springer has your home number," are these: The Bears are on the clock. Of course they are. The Bears have been on the clock since 1985.
The Bears face another draft optimistically refusing a blindfold and a cigarette, boldly certain that they know what they are doing, whom they want and what they need.
"Impact players," said Mark Hatley, clerk in charge of the Bears' participation in the NFL's annual flesh auction.
This is the safe position to take, like standing behind Mike Wells in a bar fight. There is no risk because everyone wants exactly the same thing, someone primed to make a difference in your football team to whom your only obligation is to crook your finger.
Curtis Enis was, as I recall, just such an impact player back when Hatley refused to budge off the highest draft spot the Bears were in since Jim McMahon was plucked out of Brigham Young. If Enis ever has the same impact on the Bears as McMahon had, I will tackle him without a face mask. Enis, that is. I refuse to do anything with McMahon without a helmet.
We shall not dwell on the clock that ran on Central Daylight Wanny Time; other than Enis, only Walt Harris remains from Dave Wannstedt's first-round picks, and Harris has spent a career explaining why his best view of the game is always the back of some wide receiver's jersey.
Surely Hatley can improve on the succession of debris that was Rick Mirer, Rashaan Salaam, John Thierry and Alonzo Spellman, not that Enis and Cade McNown have yet proved to be cashews among the recent collection of mixed nuts.
I'm not about to tell Hatley whom to draft--that is his job and not mine. I will rely on the record, his and those before, going back through every picker save Jim Finks, and conclude that whoever it is, it will be the wrong choice.
And this time around Hatley has spread his opportunity to be mistaken among three choices: Brian Urlacher, the second-best linebacker; Plaxico Burress, the third-best receiver; and Thomas Jones, the best running back in a decidedly poor crop.
What we know mostly about the creature most likely to become the Bears' first pick is that Urlacher is not LaVar Arrington, who is everybody's next Butkus. We do not know even if Urlacher is a linebacker, or exactly where New Mexico is, come to think of it.
We do know that never in the history of recorded hype has New Mexico been called Linebacker U., so for Urlacher to have caused not just the Bears but also others to think of him as one means he must have been doing something while somebody was watching.
Urlacher was a semi-linebacker, also being used as a defensive back, this because of his ability to run faster than your usual grunt. The Bears' recent history of drafting a player out of position can be summed up in three distressing syllables: John Thierry.
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Urlacher wants to be a linebacker, the Bears want him to be a linebacker and yet his experience being a linebacker is about the same as his being 260 pounds. This is the man coach Dick Jauron wants. If Urlacher came in a box, there would be a warning: some assembly required.
Should the confoundingly versatile Mr. Urlacher not be available when the Bears choose at No. 9, they will be perfectly pleased to choose Plaxico Burress, a very tall as well as wide receiver.
While Burress of Michigan State is neither Peter Warrick nor Travis Taylor--considered the best of a good bunch of receivers--he does come with the recommendation as a cross between Randy Moss and Keyshawn Johnson, the cross being that Burress has neither the speed nor the hands of either.
In addition, Burress has been detected loafing when the play or practice does not concern him. While this never seemed to be a problem for Willie Gault or Richard Dent during their careers with the Bears, indolence should be a goal and not a starting place.
The third and most unlikely top choice for the Bears would be Jones, who when I last saw him was being whacked around by Illinois' defense in some Dot Com bowl. Drafting the Virginia running back would be giving up on Enis.
Jones has had to gain weight to be too small, and he can't break away or break tackles. Sounds like the ideal Bears running back.
All of them, in fact, seem just perfect.
_________________ Frank Coztansa wrote: conns7901 wrote: Not over yet. Yes it is. CDOM wrote: When this is all over, which is not going to be for a while, Trump will be re-elected President.
Last edited by conns7901 on Wed May 22, 2013 1:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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