He is Back

God, Gun and Automobiles on the History channel with his brother!

http://www.deadline.com/2013/06/gods-guns-automobiles-history-premiere-july-8-mancow-muller/

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

Yeah,I just posted this under the "Mike North" thread. I saw the commercial for it and I'm still trying to figure out what the hell it's about.

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

ok, so i just woke up and for some reason decided to see what this guy's up to and here's what i've got.

after a bad sketch with some guy running around hollywood going up to commoners being like OMFG YOU'RE [some celebrity they kinda look like] CAN I GET A PICTURE [zaniness ensues] we go back into the studio and a twitching-sunglassesed mancow is going on some sort of a rant about EVIL EVERYWHERE.... he's talking about how in this country if you wanna follow evil IT'S RIGHT THERE FOR YOU and he's doing this total preacher routine except for that he stops and takes a shot at indiana (you step across that line and IQ/quality of life * sound effect * plummet) and then it's back to satan this satan that and he makes it a point to call out cannibal corpse as a band name and then he goes "you walk around with a [some sort of desecrated?] nun on your shirt and you think you're living right?"

meanwhile, i forgot to point out that mancow is wearing some shirt under a sport jacket where you can plainly see the word "liberty" and an american flag background and a giant skull on his shirt. and then after this rant on morality, it cuts to a pre-taped thing of two cute ~20 y/o chicks sitting on top of him playing patty cake while laying on his back on the floor, bobbing up and down exaggeratedly like OMFG THIS IS AWESOME. cut to a rather long commercial break.

by the time they came back from commercial i was writing this, so let me report that i heard SATAN mentioned 3-4 times, MIKE NORTH mentioned once (but him and jiggs aren't in studio, there's literally 3 women standing around for him to talk over while he twitches and preaches) and then they bring in some asian chick from a green room and while she walks by they zoom in her ass all obviously..... the asian lady just mentioned OBAMACARE and they played a giant buzzer sound while one of the 3 chicks suggestively putting on a rubber glove and exaggerating that for the camera.

plus, wherever they're filming this has a backdrop of a long hallway where you're prone to seeing things like an old guy walking down a hallway dragging one of those wheeled carry-on luggage things. and another shot has a long view to a railing that heads to a door/window with 3-4 people sitting there for no reason.

this show is weird.... it's all over the place and idk what the fuck it's trying to be.... a weird lil conservative/libertarian shock jock that rails against satan while parading sexually-charged women in your face led by a weird guy in sunglasses with a giant skull on his shirt? i always thought the whole sunglasses thing was to hide the fact that you're high/drugged/drunk/etc.... so to have this ~1.5 segment railing against satan offset by all this? yikes. now he's got a frozen shot of CNN on screen with ron paul and piers morgan and ron paul his hero and umm..... i find myself more entranced wondering what the people are doing by the door. oh now the shot pulls back and all of this is in some studio that's right around the corner from a window facing some street downtown. ok.

some woman faking making out with a guy in a polar bear costume in the green room heading to break? rack 'em.

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oh wow.... they came back from commercial early and showed some chick walking down the hallway, camera zoomed in on her ass as mancow's yelling to get her attention like I LOVE YOUR DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so from 2 segments about morality and going to hell completely offset by what we see on tv, and now i guess mancow's taken off the sunglasses and in the ~1min they're back from commercial they've played a foghorn sound effect ~4-5 times.

this show is seriously all the fuck over the place. mancow is obviously desperate and a half.

and he's now doing a MST3K of the trailer of this stallone/schwarzenegger movie, which makes me think this can't be on radio otherwise it must be really shitty radio. thus, it's gotta be on radio cuz * cue the foghorn sound effect again *

where's mike north when you need him?

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MANCOW UPDATE: he's now going through a bunch of photos on his phone, sunglasses on.... outfit changed. he's got a token black dude, a comedian, Ill Will || - ||| - || or something..... and this obviously must be some sort of a best of show? i truly have no idea what's going on here, but i'm guessing with july 4th this week he's got the week off so we're getting "best of" shows, even tho they keep mugging that 800 # to call?

Dewey - lord of the Fat Chicks = some huge guy shirtless rubbing ice cream all over himself whilst laughing maniacially. he speaks of how some girl came up to him like "i need to get laid, i want to have sex with you, mancow" so he decided to pass her on to his wingman dewey who instead ordered cake? this prompted the black comedian dude to begin repeating the singing-bit-punchline he was doing b4 mancow's story, at random, and this transitions into more random weirdness with some ~60 year old chick with plastic surgery and huge tits laughing at everything everyone says while mancow continues on playing too many sound effects and just.... wow.

personally, i used to think mancow was swell when i was like ~13 and he was on 103.5 the blaze and he did sketches/songs like "it's a ford city mall christmas!" and stuff, but like.... now? yikes.

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MANCOW UPDATE 2: ok so he just said that his history show (debuting july 8th) debuts "next monday" so ummm..... is this live? did he read this thread a la dave kaplan and now he changed out of the outfit and changed up teh game?

the token black guy is long gone and now there's a ton of white people in there with mancow going I'M MANCOW MULLER: AMERICAN BADASS AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO FIGHT YOU....... and this is some sort of polish boxer and cut to north approved old time music with sugar ray vs la motta clips?

i really turned this on for mike north.... i miss the morning show.

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This sounds like the worst show of all time.

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

It sounds like he's trying to hit all bases @ once: Conservative Christians, & Libertines. He's really going to miss an audience, since those who want a hellfire & brimstone routine aren't going to dig the ass shots, those who do want the ass don't want to hear about going to hell.

A smarter person would have figured that out by now.

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

He'll get it one day, when he's in a seedy motel room w/ 4 prostitutes, preach to them of when his Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ, used to hang out w/ prostitutes. You ain't gonna pay us, are you?

This whole show is built on the premise that Mancow doesn't understand the culture of the rural Missouri county. And everything is scripted.

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"All crowds boycotting football games shouldn't care who sings or takes a knee because they aren't watching." - Nas

Isn't that his home turf?

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

Yeah, but I give him credit for selling it! Its not good

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

One part I thought was funny was when his brother has the top execs at his company come into his office for a private meeting... Mancow is a "significant" investor in this dealership, but his brother is the one running things. So he asks all these guys if they should fire this one salesman because he got his 3rd DUI... he wants to give this guy a second chance, and everyone else is saying fire him. Then he says, "Well, I own over 51% so I control all the shots" and Mancow busts out with "Well what the hell are you meeting with us for then!" Doesn't read that funny, but Mancow did a good job with the line delivery. I'm sure this will be greenlit for a second season and we'll eventually have a spinoff with his wife or something.

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"All crowds boycotting football games shouldn't care who sings or takes a knee because they aren't watching." - Nas

Delightful little fever dream of a program here. I can't wait to start watching it. Sinicalypse is the best at chronicling the tattered peripheries of Chicago media.

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huh? does that mean i gotta watch this history channel show? no doubt it's on demand so at some point when i hit my baseball burnout ratio (i need these ~4 days off) i'll try to get it in b4 the WWE PPV tonight.

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throw away line...

'Eric actually only owns 35% of southern leasing corp"

Which is the entity that provides financing for the leases vehicles. Not sure he owns any of the dealership.

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

Mancow still owns one of the great calls made to Score.

JHOOD: lets go to Eric in his car
ERIC: Whats with the Bears d Line....
JHOOD: Beard dline, improving....blah blah
JHOOD: Is this Mancow?
ERIC: Nope, this is Eric calling from car, if Mancow called that would be a clear violation of his contract appearing on another radio station without written permission.


CLASSIC

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

It is exactly what makes a good radio personality.

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

I meant, you know, the Steven Berger show, the Mancow morning show on channel 50, all those local programs that exist beyond most people's knowledge.

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Mancow is a talentless turd. I loved when Howard would eviscerate that douche.

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I'll have to do a writeup on THE GEOFF PINKUS show sometime. When I used to get hyper I'd recite things (a la euro football) like DON'T BE A STINKER.... LISTEN TO THE PINKER!

but yeah, having turned on God Guns and Automobiles the first thing you notice is that Mancow's (older?) brother is a big ol doof in a cowboy hat that sounds exactly like Mancow. Or Mancow decided to brilliantly overdub his voice so more and more people get used to his rapturous voice as it undoubtedly rides the wave of popularity from this show back into ~20mil homes each and every morning.

Already, we've got this older brother making decisions that benefit the environment "not because it helps the environment, but because it's cheaper" --- which I think sets the tone for the show. Now he's test driving a pickup truck in a giant dirt field while his friend is screaming STOP MARK STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and of course they're laughing like real men.

I'm getting the vibe that this is going to be the gist of the show..... it's going to be what Philadelphia was to gay people (i.e. hey america look there's gay people and they're just like you and me and look, how can you not like Tom Hanks?"

Mancow was introduced as a "world class DJ" in chicago. And here he is.... sunglasses and screaming while his brother is painting them as "individual successes in life" and Mancow sets out to immediately mug mug mug for the camera. "i've interviewed schwarzenegger.... the beatles.... and my brother blows them all out of the water"

and then his brother, ever the libertarian, decides to run a red light on camera because....HE IS A FREE MAN, NOT A NUMBER!!!!!!!

Mancow assures us that this show isn't about God, Guns, and whatever.... it's about america. and now they're drinking illegal moonshine as brother cow is painted as the ULTIMATE AMERICAN BADASS!

so basically we've established:

1) older brother is a badass. 100% american. he breaks rules whenever he wants, he lives in armpit nebraska or something, he's a badass car salesman. "don't insult our culture cuz you don't live it" and, of course, he only saves the environment when it saves him money.

i'll keep you posted. i know you don't care.

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So immediately the dichotomy between older brother Mark (pickup truck driving moonshine swigging blatantly law breaking good ol fashioned southern country boy) and lilbro Mancow ("World Class DJ" from Chicago, thus representing the "City Folk") is being painted. They had a horribly scripted scene where Mancow sat at his desk and he offered to "show [Mancow] the culture" by letting the city boy know that they know some good living in the middle of nowhere.

Now Mark's wife is there and there's a shot of a big ole family dinner and it's going out of its way to establish the family value thing intrinsic to the stereotype/archetype Mark is portraying. Mancow is supposed to be the fish out of water representing the sub/urban "everyman" who's going to find out all about this wacky older brother, who he supposedly knows nothing about. Nevermind that part where he said that he's interviewed schwarzenegger and the beatles and his brother is a bigger character than all of them, part of oursuspension of disbelief is that we are to believe that Mancow knows nothing of this rural libertarian lifestyle and only olderbro can tell him about it!

Now older brother is selling cars, haggling, and insisting that he'll "take care of [his customers] like [he] always do[es]"

IDK about you, but I need to hear more about this all american success where some salesman named Matt Harvey (ha) is on the phone all day trying to sell a tractor. Clever editing is making it seem like Mancow's brother sells a shit-ton of cars cuz, well, you know he's the protagonist so he has to be a superhero.

MANUFACTURED DRAMA: Erich (mancow) doesn't agree with his folksy mean of selling cars. "We've made a living out of hiring guys that nobody else wants.... They are salesmen, BUT THEY ARE OUTLAWS!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mancow suddenly doesn't get a kick out of his brother hiring questionable people, cuz you know, Mancow is a notorious tightass who isn't into fringey people and all that. It's almost like he never hosted a radio show with a guy named "Turd" because this show aims to have him play it straight as a proper city boy who doesn't know anything about his brother and his super american/libertarian lifestyle.... he's a damned city boy!

Also, I can't find any reason to care about this show. Mancow "things here in Butler.... they're just skippy. But in Chicago they ain't" --- also, Mancow and Mark find excuses to call each other "Brother" as much as possible. Now they're lighting off fireworks after riding on a tractor for no reason, and like.... I honestly don't get what this program is about. It's pointless and stupid.... hell, Mancow/brother are prolly paying History Channel to make this as an ad.... cuz like, call me old fashioned.... but isn't the history channel supposed to air programs about history? It's all stupid fucking reality shows now, and even the more reality-ish "history" programs have invaded H2 as you can watch about UFOs, "ancient aliens" and all of their newschool trash shit all day long, meanwhile the history channel is essentially g4 or truTV, or just one of those channels that is 24/7 reality TV.

i mean, jesus.... back when comcast basic cable replaced the scifi channel with the history channel back circa ~06 or whatever, it was a lateral move cuz i loved watching all of those shows about history..... now history's a goofy "special interest" reality television network that thinks following around a bunch of loggers is "history" ---- let alone the pawn shop fad they kicked off (cuz these pawnbrokers deal in HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!) or garbage pickers (cuz they find disregarded pieces of HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or, of course, the ice road truckers (cuz they drive on a road made out of ice...... AW FUCK IT IT'S HISTORIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

fucking detestable, i tell you.... and this show, at least in the first episode, seems to be about selling cars in rural america. as mark muller just said "WHO CARES?!?!!"

exactly.

i'll stay vigilant and keep you lot updated with the updates that nobody needs

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wow, mancow is pleading with his brother to sell cars and not blow shit up. for some reason they've got 20lbs of C4 and 100 gallons of gasoline and they've hired experts to do this because "our first concern is safety" and now in the middle of nowhere they're making giant explosions because...... evidently people want to see TV with random pointless explosions and hicks yelling WOOOOO YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

and i quote mark muller "WOOOO!!!1 YEAH!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU SELL CARS!!!!!! THAT'S FREEDOM!!!!! THAT'S AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

mancow has been described as a "nervous nellie" and it turns out that big pointless explosion was the climax of the pilot episode. i shit you not, the entire 30minute show was like "this is mark. he's an american badass. he drives a pickup truck, he blows off red lights when he decides it's freedom time, he drinks moonshine, he eats dinner with his family.... and his brother is a city boy (boooo) and look, he sells cars all day long, everybody wears cowboy hats, and after selling cars all day he'll go into the middle of nowhere and randomly blow up 20lbs of C4 because "that's freedom! that's america!"

i mean, what the fuck history channel?!?!?! this is fucking awful and fucking pointless. i almost have to watch episode 2 now in order to see where they're going to go with this..... cuz like, the car selling part of the show (appx 1/2 of the episode) didn't even focus in on the actual car selling.... it just featured shit scripted wonk establishing mark as a good ol boy who sells a bunch of cars.... and he's supposed to be the wild one compared to mancow, who plays the straight man.

i swear to god this has to be a giant advertisement for mancow's radio/TV program and his brother's dealership. unless history channel thinks that it's historic to say "yeah there's these weird goofy people in RURAL AMERICA who wear cowboy hats when they drive trucks drink moonshine and blow shit up spouting off WOOOO THAT'S AMERICA!!!!"

this show has no redeeming value. and i really question why the network execs decided to make it cuz like, these are boring normal ordinary people who have to literally make giant pointless explosions in order to have something happen. at least mancow lives an atypical life that you could force a reality show to be about.... but i have a feeling that this show is going to try to show the fringe underbelly of...... middle class rural people who wear cowboy hats. you know, the kind of america that all of us city folk have no idea about, even if it's our own brother.

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History Channel my ass. They need to rename that shit "Trainwreck TV". The only reason it's the "History" Channel now is because it'll soon be history. #RIPOccultNazis

OK, so mancow invested in his brother's dealership and now he's down there to "check on his investment" (we'll nevermind the scripted convo where his brother decided to "show [him] the culture" or whatever) and mancow's pissed off that these guys are selling cars in camoflague vests and cowboy hats, meanwhile he's wearing a doofus "western" shirt that looks liek the stuff doc brown bought for marty mcfly in 1955 to wear back to 1885. i'm not joking.

so even tho mancow touts @ the beginning of episode 2 that he's gotten a "significant return on investment" the show needs conflict so all of a sudden he's "worried" about the dealership's sustainability because these guys don't look like car salesmen! meanwhile older bro says mancow's the fish out of water (and he looks like a fucking dufus) and now out of nowhere there's goats @ the dealership in the middle of a blizzard... and they're buying goats. why are they buying goats? idk... it must be LOL COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

now you find out that his brother's organization is also a loan company... and mancow's playing dumb about repo'ing car... "i live in a world where if you don't pay for your car you stole from me and the police should get it back" and now he's all "I LIVE IN A CITY WHERE 532 PEOPLE GOT SHOT AND KILLED LAST YEAR, SO YOU THINK I'M AFRAID ABOTU REPO'ING CARS?!?!!"

of course, they do a homage and now we're back to the next morning and some employee needs $10k for a DUI.... he's a "problem child" despite repeatedly (about 5 times through 1.5 episodes @ my count) being called "one hell of a saslesman" and we've got some stupid emo shit between mark muller and this salesman, i guess it's supposed to give a message about tough love with an addict? huh? i thought this show was about LOLRANDOMHICKS and selling cars? are we threatening to have a plot?

ok, so at the midway break we've already had 2 plot developments go absolutely nowhere (buying goats, repo'ing cars) and we're hopping on the matt as an addict guy. "when you've ridden bulls for 27 years.... man you know how it is.... you drink a couple'a beers, you sell cars"

now the guy's supposed to give up alcohol so he can train to get back to riding bulls? i guess the guy's getting $10k under the promise that he's quitting drinking and they're going to put a bull-riding-ring in the dealership?

ooooh forced conflict: now another employee is pissed off that the boss is giving matt another chance after chance after chance after chance, because he's a down and dirty piece of shit addict evidently? nevermind that he's been touted as the best salesman in the joint since day one, we need conflict and here it is.

oooh mancow's riding along for a repo, so this show can rip off some of the REPO SHOWS that are prolly already 2-3 deep on tv. mancow's claiming that he's seen dog the bounty hunter, and he's from chicago which is tougher than this crap, so he's more qualified than the repo guy to go repo cars.

GEE I WONDER WHERE THIS FISH OUT OF WATER STORYLINE IS GOING......

so basically mancow grabs a truck supe reasily, and some guys come running out of the house scremaing OH NO NOT MY TRUCK NOOOOOO and jump on the hood ---- so totally not staged, especially when the two trucks drive off and leave the cameramen behind... cuz you know, if there's an irate guy there all pissed off that his truck is being "stolen" i'm sure it's gonna end up peachy for the cameramen left standing there as the tow truck and the truck itself drive off.

nevermind that awesome example of spontaneous television, now we've got a mechanical bull in a barn with that alcoholic dude riding it in slow motion but since he's LOLALCOHOLIC he's out of breath and we've got more conflict, can the addict, freshly infused with hope and faith from his boss via a $10k loan, overcome his drinking/3rd-DUI adversity to regain his form as a 27yr bullriding champion?

cut back to mancow doing the repo thing, as he's suddenly back in the tow truck threatening to slam faces into hoods and get the car.

oh wait, of course it's a black guy and he just happens to be the coolest black guy ever (but don't worry, mancow's from chicago so he's qualified to speak black) and mancow's spouting off about how it's a tough economy and this and that.... and wow, look, dontcha know that mancow is sooooo nice that he's gonna give this guy more time / make a payment and like, WOW!!!!! JUST WOW!!!! LOOK AT WHAT THAT PART-OWNER IS DOING!!!

then they go back to a shot in the tow truck and mancow is having a cry over the poor black people with the economic hardships!!! he's done repo-ing cars cuz this guy has kids....and mancow has kids too!!!! maybe he's not cut out for this after all (but don't tell my brother i cried)

and of course, the episode ends after ~5 mins of building up matt riding a bull, but at the last second mark gets faclempt that matt could get hurt/killed riding the bull.... and since he made the commitment to ride the bull, I'M GOING TO MAKE THE COMMITMENT TO HIM!!!!!

touching music plays as mancow comes back to the dealership post-tears and he's prepared to "catch hell from his brother" for crying about black people and well, his brother is laying down the law saying he should feel bad cuz in these ~25mins mancow went from wanting to call the cops and putting all of the repo people in jail to crying and letting the black people keep their car.... and his brother went on the adventure from forcing the old drunk to committing to ride a bull for a $10k loan needed to fight a DUI to..... not having him ride the bull! so they literally both come back to the dealership with touchy music and literally discuss "what they've learned today"

SO FOR THOSE OF YOU KEEPING SCORE (Edit: Almost forgot FUCK YOU KEEPING SCORE AT HOME IN TWO EPISODES WE'VE BEEN ON A JOURNEY THAT INCLUDES:

- Mancow's brother owns a car dealership. He's from rural america, where everyone wears cowboy hats and like Eric Cartman THEY DO WHAT THEY WANT.

- Mancow thinks he's the toughest thing ever cuz he's from chicago, where 512 people were killed last year. But after swiftly and promptly taking some white guy's truck and running from him despite an obviously-staged-for-tv confronttation, when he was confronted with a tender black family ("with kids...like me") he decides to let them keep the car... and have a cry.

- Matt Harvey is the best salesman that Max Motors has..... however, he's a longtime alcoholic with (gasp) ANOTHER DUI so his tale of redemption had him ready to take the potentially fatal plunge and RIDE A FUCKING BULL (nevermind that it's something he had done for 27 years in his life prior to this) but at the last second Matt had a change of heart and wouldn't have the guy risk his life to get a $10k loan so he decided to give him a chance.

- They bought goats. For no reason whatsoever..... tho they did haggle the guy down to $725 from $900.

- Oh and because they're red-light-blowing-off moonshine-drinking freedom-loving-americans, they blew up 20lbs of C4 in the middle of a desolate field just so they could whoop and go WOOO!!!! THIS IS FREEDOM!!!! THIS IS AMERICA!!!!

honestly, without an ounce of hyperbole, this is one of the most pointless tv shows i've ever seen. i think it purports to treat rural america like it's some far off distant culture, but in reality, it's just showing two grandstanding pricks in mancow and his brother acting out total stereotypes (his brother the "good ol boy" hick, mancow the "slick city boy" "WORLD CLASS DJ" or whatever) and since they really have no message or purpose with this show, they're just gonna go out of their way to manufacture melodrama and script a bunch of pandering crap, such as mancow being mr. "i'm from a city where 532 people were killed last year!" stealing a white guy's pickup truck despite him jumping on the hood, but when it's a BLACK GUY WITH KIDS (* sobs * "....just like me!") well you gotta let him keep the car and of course make sure you get that cut where i forced the tears, cuz if this is INTRO TO RURAL AMERICA 101 for the numbnuts demographic that watches the history channel in 2013, we don't want them to think rural americans are all racist! WE CRIED AND LET THE BLACK MAN KEEP HIS CAR CUZ HE'S GOT KIDS..... JUST LIKE ME!!!! * cries *

fuck this fuck you i'm going to get some subway and watch the WWE. if this show lasts beyond one season it's confirmed for a mancow/brother's-dealership infomercial cuz like, honestly, why the fuck was this show made? nothing happens..... at least i can watch/report-on mancow's morning show cuz it's so bad you can point it out.... but this? i made much ado about nothing cuz this show is ltierally NOTHING.

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When does North do a guess spot?

you know, i think there's a high % chance of that. invariably, at some point in the ~10-13 episode run (at least they can save face and call the inevitable DVD box set "the complete series") they're going to have to bring the brother and the hick squad out to the city so they can be like "OMFG WHOAAAAAA YOU BIG CITY BOYS SHORRRRR DO LIVE DIFF'RENT" and you can picture Mark/Matt/etc in the Mancow studios where there's some buttafaced chick with big fake tits in a bikini and they'll wince and make faces and be like "THEY SHORRRR DON'T DO THAT BACK IN BUTLER" and i'm sure Mancow will be like "it's a city, there's black people here" and maybe they'll end up giving a speech to some underprivileged innercity kids about how if you say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and train hard someday you can grow up to have your own radio show where you can do memorable sketches like "It's a Ford City Christmas!" (complete with random gunfire in the background as they sing. oh yeah i remember that when i was like ~12-13 and listening to mancow on the blaze felt "edgy" cuz "i'm not supposed to be hearing this!!!") then you too can have your own #FreeSpeechRadioNetwork where you send dead cow's heads to Howard Stern's Father and etc etc. You figure this show HAS to go there since the whole duality of Mark/Country Mancow/Citeh is gonna be exploited....

so that's where I can picture NORT being interviewed in one of those lil reality tv asides captioned as "Chicago Radio Legend" where he talks about how hard it is to live in the big city cuz things move faster than they do in Butler.... and you know NORT wants to be on TV like that so he'll definitely be there when they do the fish out of water episode.... and i'm sure he'll spout something borderline racist/sexist/good-ol-boy-ish where he's got his patented shit eating grin cuz he's MIKE NORT: CHICAGO RADIO LEGEND.

But yeah.... i mean, you talk about a fucking facepalm.... Mancow fucking Muller, the guy whose radio show did "A Very Ford City Christmas" back when he actually meant something on the Blaze, literally could be stone cold in Repo'ing a white guy's car despite him being WTF and jumping on the hood of the car as he sped off.... but when it's a black family and the guy was cool like "oh you're here to take the car? ok here's the keys" after his canned little speech about how he knows how the economy is tough and times are hard.... well he has to remember that "he has kids.... JUST LIKE ME!" cuz you know, "those people" are capable of having feelings and offspring..... just like Mancow, and once he realized that the darkies were "just like [him]" he couldn't take their car. Yeah.

On twitter I reminded him that via stuff like that he's doing exactly what Howard Stern is trying to do, aka whitewash/rebrand the ol image on TV as being "America's Judge" who, instead of ripping off Simon Cowell as some kind of truthful asshole to the tune of building up a successful multimedia empire on the back of his persona--- acts all nice and homely and rubberstamps everyone to vegas/NYC and what the hell, if you're a little 12 year old boy dancer he'll get you on the floor and shake his junk 6" above your face....



(well i cant find that one so you'll just have to settle for this one of "america's judge" in action)

but yeah, it's just a crock of shit and an appearance by NORT will necessitate me doing a fast forward thru if i ever see an episode desc as "Mancow takes Mark and the boys to Chicago where they watch him do his WORLD CLASS RADIO SHOW" --- seriously, i wonder what the ~5 affiliates that still have mancow are.... cuz IIRC he's syndicated to a few holdover markets, but he's not on in chicago anymore. and WABC or WNBC or whoever had him in NYC is long done with him..... so he's got the werewithol to charge like $5/month to the TRUE BELIEVERS who wanna hear his show and aren't living around the ~5 50 watt stations that still carry THE FREE SPEECH RADIO NETWORK.

and i'm done with this. i'll still give the sporadic opinion about that trainwreck of a morning show cuz it is indeed that bad, but otherwise.... why waste my time. gotta pull for sandow tonight! SILENCE!

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sini, you cannot stop now. I had to read your posts all at least three times apiece.

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Ба́бушка гада́ла, да на́двое сказа́ла—то ли до́ждик, то ли снег, то ли бу́дет, то ли нет.

He watches so we don't have to.