Rick Hahn. Honest with the fans.

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You know me like that.

Breaking Jerry Sandusky news.

Boring, unspecific details to follow.

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You know me like that.

I'd be watching

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Dishonest with the tax returns.

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Forgot one of the biggies -

-Don't make any noise at a football game.

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You know me like that.

Dan's ideal sporting event atmosphere would be polite silence, overwhelming advertisements, and sponsored diversions. In other words, a Bulls game.

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2013's "landmarks" and "swiveling hips" is "stack and shed".

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You know me like that.

R.I.P "call out the mike"

"Wide 9" is on its last legs. When Adam Hawg is referencing it, it is dead to this show.

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You know me like that.

Hey, remember those four years when absolutely nothing was ever Cutler's fault? This seems an opportune time to dig up the all-timer of all-timers:

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The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

Hang in there, All 22.

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Btw, I'm loving Dan's constant giggly references to Tremery as "weird" when he would otherwise say "dumb," mainly because he's so transparently prepping a soft landing for when Really Smart Guys starts to sound really dumb, guys.

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The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

I've already gone on the record, but one more time, I'm predicting 2-14 and a comedy of errors the likes of which we haven't seen in years. I'm talking everything short of Trestman slipping on a banana peel on the way to a press conference lectern while someone plays a slide whistle.

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if Dan "Oracle" Bernstein is right about the OL this will be a good season.

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Ба́бушка гада́ла, да на́двое сказа́ла—то ли до́ждик, то ли снег, то ли бу́дет, то ли нет.

I think a good defense sets a hard floor on how bad a team can be, which means 6 wins is probably the absolute minimum. That said, Trestman's voodoo notwithstanding, Cutler basically looks like the same guy he's always been, which is to say, a guy who can get you to the playoffs if and only if absolutely everything goes right. Everything about this team screams "bumslaying 8-8" to me.

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The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

This schedule looks pretty hard, but I might be out of date on my assessments of teams.

Also, Cutler is going to get pasted by someone pretty early on. Probably Suh.

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While there are only two below average teams (Rams, Browns) on the schedule, there are a bunch of teams that are probably right at the Bears' level (Vikings & Lions x 2, Cowboys, Steelers, Bengals). I don't know what to make of the Eagles, and the Giants and Saints have been beastly in the past but have also been mediocre as well. The Ravens are defending champs, but even last year I never thought they had more talent than the Bears. Their defense was either below or just average as well, and I'm not sure if they found an adequate replacement for Boldin. Coaching is what separates them at this point since Trestman is an unknown.

Since I see the Bears as in the same league as most everyone else on the schedule in terms of talent, I'd say 2-14 is a stretch. 2-14 probably happens if and only if Trestman turns out to be unfathomably incompetent, which I strongly suspect will not be the case. If the Bears aren't going to take care of teams like Minnesota, Cleveland, Philly, and St Louis, then I'd say something like 7-9 (+/- 1) is the worst case scenario. Of course if the Bears suck, I'd rather be 2-14 rather then 7-9 due to the better draft slot. But I think the Bears have too much talent to suck that bad.

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Successful calls:

Kyrie Irving will never win anything as a team's alpha: check
T.rubisky is a bust: check
Ben Simmons is a liability: check
The Fields Cult is dumb: double check

2013 CSFMB ROY

It's a shame that Suh isn't on the Bears. Ohh what I would give for a "What I Like About Suh" parody song.

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